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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2017 20:47:01 GMT -7
Good news this week. My husband has had his second weekly counseling appointment and has been much more gentle with me this week. He's also been keeping his phone in the kitchen to charge overnight, which improves my mood if nothing else. I expect this road uphill to have some bumps, but I pray the conviction is really there. Kicking him out last week seems to have done a world of good, although I let him back in when he made his appointments.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2017 22:32:02 GMT -7
Well.. thank god for some good news!!!!... I'm so happy for you🤗🤗🤗.. it so good that he is trying... what a blessing!! 😍
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2017 9:03:07 GMT -7
Well, he's anything but gentle today. Sheesh. I know recovery won't be completely smooth, but he acts like this when he's acting out. Hope I'm wrong, but I doubt it.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2017 10:45:28 GMT -7
Oh.. gosh!! I hope not.. i will pray for you...
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Post by ladystrong on Feb 4, 2017 14:05:27 GMT -7
Praying for you, my friend.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2017 15:18:28 GMT -7
Kelly those bumps are actually potholes that you can lose your car in. It's very difficult to get out from under an addiction. So many times I felt like I was actually losing ground during my fight. I was like "progress? What's that?!?".
Keep praying and standing your ground. Follow through with the consequences you have in place when he stumbled. Remember the consequences have to hurt in order to facilitate change. It's really tough on the spouses to have to be the bad guy but it is necessary.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 7, 2017 13:07:22 GMT -7
Well, this weekend was absolutely terrible. I feel like I caved too early by letting my husband back in my home when he statted going to addiction counseling. He was such a jerk this weekend. He picked numerous fights with me, I think, just so he'd have an excuse to behave badly. Now he's trying to be sweet again, but I don't buy any of it. I've lost all faith and trust in him, and I'm basically just waiting for my next excuse to kick him out.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 7, 2017 14:51:34 GMT -7
Hugs Kelly. It isn't easy being any where near an addict when they are going through withdrawals. Talk about bad tempered psychos... I remember... I was one. Hang in there sweetie sister and stay strong.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2017 11:55:56 GMT -7
Im sorry kelly.. my husband didn't stop treating me bad until he got his ways.. now its like a switch... he treats me great... but i will say..i can tell he is trying not to view things... i think he wants to let it go but wants to keep one foot in .. one foot out kinda thing.. if that even makes sense..
Im praying for you... i pray he can beat it... no! Scratch that! HE WILL BEAT IT!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2017 6:05:37 GMT -7
He's got a long way to go. I found a whole bunch of myspace history over the last few days complete with many profiles of buxom women showing lots of cleavage. He denied even the hard evidence right before our eyes and kept us up screaming all night about how Chrome keeps messing up his history. I resent deeply that I am desperately trying to get a home equity loan and need his help financially to get it. I told him the Christian thing to do is to continue helping me financially no matter what happens between us. He pulled every crazy addict trick in the book last night. If I don't get this loan, I am leaving him. Meanwhile, he can move into another bedroom.
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Post by ladystrong on Feb 9, 2017 7:17:14 GMT -7
Praying that he would fully repent and turn to God. Praying that you would continue to have strength and clarity in your situation. Amen.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2017 7:44:04 GMT -7
Kelly, I just want to say I am so sorry and my heart hurts for you. I have not been around to support my sisters as I have been in a dark place, so dark that I cannot find words. For this, I am sorry, too.
My husband can lie like a Persian rug and that is the hardest for me. I believe I could deal with the porn addiction, but to look me in the eyes while I am holding a piece of evidence in my hands and blame everyone but himself, I cannot wrap my head around it. I then walk away thinking that I am crazy or that I am just looking for stuff.
I will keep you in my prayers and I will pull my butt up out of this hole and try to be more of a support to my sisters.
Prayers for a blessed day.
Grace
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2017 9:10:09 GMT -7
Kelly, I am sorry you are going through this. I can tell you that it does no good to argue with an addict. It gets you nowhere. Just put the evidence infront of him and tell him the consequences. If he starts trying to argue, do not engage. It will be the hardest thing you will ever do. I know I have been having to practice this with my brother who is drinking. It was so freaking difficult to walk away that first time but it got easier and you know what? It works! I don't get bent out of shape and he learned that trying to start something with me wasn't going to work anymore. He has stopped. More importantly I am calm and at peace instead of being stressed and angry all the time. He is being more respectful and decent. Has his drinking stopped? No but the way we deal with each other has changed dramatically. Give it a try.
Hang in there sweetheart. Stick to your consequences and keep leaning on God. My heart and prayers are with you.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2017 9:45:27 GMT -7
Thank you, ladies. Gracey, I'm sorry you're in such a dark place, but there's absolutely no need for you to apologize for it. We're all broken over this. And I tried to do what you suggested, Amy. I texted him the evidence while he was asleep and had intended to address this today, and just sleep before setting the consequences and refusing to argue. But he woke up and started screaming at the top of his lungs and just wouldn't stop. At one time he pulled the covers off me so I would have to talk with him instead of going to sleep. He lies to me over and over again. Last night, he repeated a lie that Google Chrome was screwing up his history, and that he hadn't actually looked at all those women, much less on the dates it said he had. I got about 2 hours of sleep last night, and I had to work this morning. I want him out so badly. I didn't even cry until just now. I never had much money, but now I'm completely wiped out. I'very got no savings left, I'm running out of credit, and I'm so depressed I haven't been motivated to run my business like I should. I need a roommate because all I've got left is this house, which he is destroying with his mess and neglect. And nobody outside our circle understands or even cares.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2017 11:20:35 GMT -7
Oh goodness hon! Hugs to you.
There is financial help out there. I am not completely sure of all your circumstances but if you want, I can do some research for you. Most help is income based here in the USA...Although places like the salvation army offer food without giving you grief if you make too much. You can also check with the local churches in your area. Some offer food and some even have an emergency fund for helping with bills. Are there any bills you can down size? What I ended up doing was canceling my cellphone plan and going to a cheap prepaid one. I got dinged for canceling but they finally gave the bill to a debt collector that is working with me on payments I can afford. I also got rid of satellite TV and changed to Roku. Those 2 bills alone were 400 a month. Now those 2 run me 100 which includes my payment to the debt collector.
First thing first...Get some sleep! If he pulls that crap again, kick him out...Call the police...You leave. Basically do what you need to do to get away from him. Do you have a room with a lock on it? If so, use it....Pull a childish stunt like plugging your ears and making noise so you can't hear him. Oy he needs to learn how to adult.
I truly wish I could be there with you. This prayer warrior is praying for you.
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