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Post by Deleted on Feb 22, 2017 22:07:21 GMT -7
Hang in their... they sure do keep pushing our buttons... our H! Your definitely not crazy.. we all feel just like you do and we certainly can't all be crazy! I feel your frustration sister.. Hugs..
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Post by Deleted on Feb 28, 2017 14:12:29 GMT -7
Can someone please tell me when the heck my husband is going to grow up? Forget even the sexual acting out. I just don't want to feel crazy or like my back is breaking anymore. I get up in the middle of the night to the sound of our dog peeing on the carpet only to be yelled at when I return from taking the dog outside. The kitchen is an ongoing battle, and apparently I'm a control freak who should learn to let go and be okay with him making messes I wind up cleaning up 3-4 times a day. I can't imagine what it would be like to have kids with this man.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 28, 2017 19:41:11 GMT -7
Kelly I am a wife of a SA .... I feel your pain. A lot of what you wrote in your posts is very familiar to me..... you tell my story .....I understand how you feel ..... I can relate to all those same feelings. My suggestion is to do what I have done..... find a counselor a good one. I have seen my counselor for 6 visits now and those sessions have helped me so much. She has even given me a writing assignment to do. Also prayer helps a lot. Go somewhere quiet in your home by yourself. I take my bible with me and I get on my knees. Opening my heart to God has helped me tremendously. I have done this several times and now I am getting better at meditating afterwards because meditation helps calm my mind and gives me direction. Prayer helps a lot with letting go of my resentment and anger and bitterness. Staying in the moment and living one day at a time has been very helpful to me as well. I have gotten help for myself by reading devotions and articles about God and also articles on this website. I chose to marry my husband. God did not tell me to love my husband only when there are not problems. Loving my addicted husband has been very difficult throughout the years of our marraige. I have turned a corner with my thinking just recently that has helped me a lot: Love God first then myself, then my husband, children and career. It's not selfish to love myself first over my husband if I am loving myself in healthy ways...... such as the things I mentioned above.... prayer, counseling, meditation, reading and also physical activity even just a walk everyday and eating healthy and getting rest. Take care of yourself like I am doing more and more each day. I cannot depend on my husband to take care of me spiritually or emotionally or physically even if he was not in active addiction he still would not be able to care for me in ways that only I can do. Kelly let go and let God. It's ok. God is there for your husband's recovery. If he chooses to not repent and begin a program of recovery you have a choice as to whether you want to stay married to him or not. I am not a advicate of divorce by any means.... I myself want my marraige to stay together. However if there is not any effort on my husband's " side of the street " then ithete is nothing I can do. He has to want recovery for himself .... not for me .... for him. Acceptance has been the key for me. I accept that my husband is a SA and that I have no power over it. But God does if my husband seeks god's help. My respondsablity is to tell my husband the damage it causes to us, find recovery for myself and to love my husband. Building a support system helps a lot too.?thete are 3 woman outside of my counselor and this website who I trust to have coffee with and connect to. Try to make healthy connects with other woman to gain emotional support get in the solution.
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Post by ladystrong on Feb 28, 2017 22:34:14 GMT -7
I'm sorry this is happening to you. I know my husband was really mean to me, even after the affair ended because he was tormented inside and didn't know what to do. He started taking it out on me like I was a huge nuisance in his life. It was terrible and I used to fear having him come home because he always seemed to be in a bad mood (he never physically or verbally abused me, but sensing his negativity made me want to run). Sounds like your guy needs an outlet or some hobby to replace the P. I'll be praying for you.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 1, 2017 15:30:58 GMT -7
Thanks, ladies. We have found a couples counselor, but we can't (unfortunately) start our appointments for another few weeks. Father God, please lend us your strength to get through this time.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 1, 2017 19:32:46 GMT -7
Kelly hugs. I am glad you are going to go to couple's counseling. I think it would be beneficial to you to go to individual counseling also....Your husband as well.
The people we love the most tend to be the ones that get on our last nerve the most. Why is that? I so don't understand it. That is going to be a question I ask my counselor Friday.
Stay strong! Hugs and love and prayers hon.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 2, 2017 16:46:26 GMT -7
Thank you. I totally agree with you about all the counseling we need. Yesterday, my husband takes a cute picture of our dog, then says he should post it on Instagram. I asked if he was on Instagram (note - I have not yet seen it through the p blocker). He said "No, I'm not, but would you have a problem with it if I was?" I emphatically said "Yes!" He then asked why, to which i replied "Are you serious?" He said "I'm not on it, but I still think it's a bit over the top for you to have a problem with that." I replied that "it's more than a bit over the top to expect me to be okay with you being on any social media for any reason considering all that's happened with it and all I've been through." If I find out he's on it, he will have to move out for much longer than one night. I'm not bending on that boundary. Comments like that continue to baffle me, especially since a few hours earlier, we both attended a lecture on relationships and why it's important to not even place yourself in situations where you could be tempted, and he nodded his head in agreement. It's in God's hands, though. As I've explained to him, if he has to live somewhere else, that will be his choice.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 2, 2017 21:54:14 GMT -7
Hey... i feel your totally right on this one... my husband have never really been able to have any type of social media account's because he cant be trusted .. so we tried having a joint FB account and he still looked up women and when he was caught.. he said "what...i slipped and look at a few pics.. its only pics" He's can't have his own email or nothing like that... he acts like im being controlling or over barring .. i just laugh... because his actions is stopping him from being trusted with these things.. im perfectly capable of having social media and emails and not using them to harm my marriage .... so i get really irritated when they throw it back on us like were asking to much of them.... so frustrating!
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Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2017 8:19:18 GMT -7
Hello, ladies. It's been a few weeks since I've been on these forums. Things were starting to go well with my husband and me. He has, for the most part, been more gentle with me than he had been. That is, until this past weekend when he picked several fights with me on Sunday. He got over his anger pretty quickly, though. And It didn't take him long to apologize fully for how he acted. Then yesterday, the porn blocker revealed that he had sent another woman a free pass to his gym along with an offer to work out together, go bowling, and accompany him to our church where he would, no doubt, introduce her to people as his "friend." Upon seeing this, I quickly told him how uncomfortable this made me and how I am NOT okay with that. I then texted this woman a polite message asking her not to go anywhere with him. She replied with an apology and assurances that she would not do that, and that she had thought he had asked her to do these things with the intention of double dating with her fiance and me. Since she now knows he did not ask me to any of these things, she told him to lose her number. I am numb. My husband responded with another apology that was, at least, devoid of many excuses for his behavior, although he did mention that these were all public places he had asked her to. I am numb. I am paying attention to my gut feeling about this, although part of me is impressed with his improved reactions to me. I just hate this so much. I do NOT intend ignore this, although I'm far from deciding anything about it except that. At least we start couples counseling this week.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2017 15:32:19 GMT -7
Oh man kelly... im sorry.. your right .. that would have set me off to.. its so hard to see our Husbands do rhis kind of stuff to us and we hang on to every tiny step in the right direction they make because we want so bad to believe that they will stop or is making effort in recovery.. i feel the exact same way.. but mine isn't in recovery at all.. he has mad some steps but im still looking over my shoulder fir the bottom to fall out and im crushed again...
Hang in their... i pray things will go on a better direction for you.. Hugs..
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Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2017 15:41:57 GMT -7
Thank you, GHP. I'm praying for you too.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2017 19:39:10 GMT -7
Well, that went up in smoke. My husband told me today he no longer goes to his counselor because he doesn't feel like he needs to. I threw his phone outside. When he followed it, I locked him out. He is at his mother's now. I gave her his car keys minus my house keys. I am not in any shape to make more major decisions than that right now, except that he will need to stay gone for a while.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 22, 2017 1:43:07 GMT -7
Kelly... you are being so strong and so brave to stand up for yourself... its so hard to have to make that decision or being forced to because he wont do the work he needs to do. I admire your courage.. This cycle is very destructive and destroys us almost beyond repair. You taking a stand says your not gonna let him hurt you with his sin... god willing and threw examples like this maybe i will love myself enough to do the same one day.. May god give you peace and strenght to rest in him in your time of need.. i will say a prayer for you right now... Im so sorry kelly... Hugs hugs hugs, love and prayers...
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Post by Deleted on Mar 22, 2017 7:07:44 GMT -7
Thanks. It's taken a while to get here, and I won't pretend like it's all good. Sure, I'm standing up for myself now, but as a result, I get to be alone. Yesterday was just the last straw since he started yelling at me about how I don't get to DEMAND that he go to his counseling. I told him he's right. His active and regular participation in treatment is something I need to feel safe. He can choose to go or not go to it on his own, but if he wants to be with me, he'll do it because it's something I need, just like I wouldn't choose to be with a smoker or somebody who does drugs. Even if he goes back regularly, though, he has to start doing it for the right reasons and not just to shut me up. He's going to stay gone for a while now. I did agree to keepay our counseling appointment tomorrow night.
It's been a hard road for me, and I guess it will keep being hard. The one thing that really took a lot of pressure off of me is realizing that I'm not on a time table for any of this. I had to be ready to make this decision.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 22, 2017 7:39:13 GMT -7
Kelly hugs. I am sorry you had to take the stand you did but so glad you had the strength to do so.
Going on what you have said about your husband's past actions be prepared for him to twist and blame shift at your Counseling session. I am praying that your counselor is a good one and will see through his attempts to do so. If you need to, walk out. It's ok to do that. Walking out does not mean you are giving up it just means you won't tolerate his behaviour. You can always try again at the next session.
I will be praying for you hon.
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