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Post by Deleted on Apr 19, 2017 6:19:14 GMT -7
Yes on the IA a good place to do research for us wives in that is APSATS.org. There is article after article on IA. Even though our husband's may not be ready to face the truth about things we can still face the truth for ourselves. If we don't we stay weak, uneduacated about what's really going on ( distance ) and we stay angry fearful hurt and worse of all in constant pain. Also read and watch you tubes of Brene' Brown she helps a lot with me and my mindset and how to really think things through. I am getting better whether my husband does or not. I learned forgiveness means to forego my right for revenge. I also learned that I have been placing my husband's addiction / issues on myself instead of allowing him to take accountability for his self. And for my to have healthy boundries so I can be more loving and I can also do this out of kindness I have grown more in 3 months than ever in a while now and I think my husband's IA / SA for this. The past pain seems small to what I have learned about myself. This journey is about self growth for me and only then can I love myself and return love freely I hope my husband finds his way. I think the best I can do for him is ger my own recovery I cannot wait for him to get better before I help myself Goldie would you mind putting that link in the Resources section? That way in won't get lost or buried. Excellent site.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 19, 2017 20:43:59 GMT -7
I posted two threads in Resources Both of those post links / info are things that helped me a lot. I absolutely have no idea what has happened to me. My husband may or may not still be struggling however I am not. SOMETHING has been removed from me. I am 99% sure my anger was removed. I prayed and prayed for it to be for years. I think the largest reason is because I forced myself to a) sweep away all my childhood ( clean out my closet so to speak ) b) quit focusing on my husband's issues and only focus on my issues c) became unafraid to be totally free and happy and joyful whether my husband is or not. I pushed HARD for these things. These things are what Satan tried to destroy me with. My husband has his own struggles and I support his recovery and I have empathy for him..... I fought a war in my home with Satan because my husband was living in denial. He was very sick. God was my commander - I fought the battle for him. I fought hard. My husband got to safe ground and then God put him in a place where he could "see". It was up to my husband to grab onto help or not. He grabbed on. Now is it my place to continue on fighting for him now that he knows? Well of course I will pray for him and support him 100% .... now he knows the truth though. So he has to become 100% respondsable for making changes in his life with God's leadership and help. I have done all I can do. Also I have received a message from God to let go. Now is the time to let go...... I did my job well done. I will fight again for my husband if God calls me to meanwhile I am just feeling blessed beyond measure with being me. It has zero to do with my husband it's me!!!! My true joy my self love my growth God has carried me to a good place and it has nothing to do with anyone outside myself. It's me self love and self care! That's the game ......yes fight for your husband when he is in denial. And love honor care for self in healthy ways. Once he "sees" then ( in my opinion ) it becomes a choice
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Post by Deleted on Apr 20, 2017 9:38:26 GMT -7
Excellent, Goldie! I'm coming to those realizations myself. One thing God has done/is doing for me in this journey is ridding me of my codependence. For the first time I can recall since I was 15, I don't feel like I need a man in my life. I do still want my husband, but my life is not dependent on him. It is time for me to stand up for what God wants for me, which is to live by His Word and rely on Him for my comfort and strength. Through doing that, I am able to stand up to this sin and set good boundaries. I will pray for my husband no matter what, but his recovery is up to him. I will be with him if he chooses recovery, even through failures, but he does have to be honest with me. If he chooses not to be, then he's also choosing his own consequences.
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