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Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2018 6:47:49 GMT -7
I understand the stress of bills coming due faster than the money coming in. In that situation myself right now. Hang in there hon. I am glad you are getting back on your meds. It really sucks when you can't afford to buy medication you need.
Remember to spend time with our Father. When we are under stress, we need more time with God.
Love you sweetie! I am praying for you.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 25, 2018 18:34:07 GMT -7
Please pray for me to have kinder feelings towards my H right now. God only knows if our marriage will ultimately work out, but I do need to have warmer feelings for him in any case. I'm just still so angry and I am sort of stuck feeling that he should be kissing the ground I walk on. That's not healthy. Father, please lead me in my actions and attitude towards my H, and help me to rest in whatever place you lead me to.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 25, 2018 20:01:54 GMT -7
Praying for you hon
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Post by Deleted on Mar 25, 2018 23:26:12 GMT -7
He is getting you mad, so he can blame you. I used to do this to my wife too. I was wrong, selfish, wanting to act out my sick world and use my wife as an object, this was before God gave me a change of heart. I confessed to my Pastor my sins, after confessing them to God, then told my wife. She kicked me out for two weeks, then after counseling I was willing to do anything to make our marriage work. He needs to get real serious with God and treat you better. Pray for him. Nothing will change him unless he hits rock bottom. He needs to lose internet, all connections with social networking, phone numbers from other women, and make a commitment to Jesus Christ.
Jesus said, "If your hand or right eye causes you to sin, cast it off, throw it away, because it would be better to enter into heaven with one eye or one hand then to have your whole body thrown into hell." Matthew 5:27-28
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2018 6:16:55 GMT -7
Thank you. I have definitely thought that in the past. I haven't really said what the specific problem now is, though, but it's less about that right now, although you could be correct. In a nutshell, I think he should be pursuing me more consistently than he is because I'm certainly not going to initiate that sort of thing on my own, and I can't really imagine why he would ever think I would. Right now, he pursues me for a while, then cools off for a bit (for example, I really only went to church with him over the weekend, although I did see him a lot in the week before that). When that happens, I start getting really angry thinking that he should be kissing my feet. There's some truth to that, but I don't think the anger about it is really helpful to me at this point. Basically, I'm alright without him, and we have this year to work it out. If it doesn't work out, I know what to do because I'm not going to spend the rest of my life being married to a man who doesn't live with me.
We had a good therapy session yesterday. I tell him I want him to lead in our marriage because I can't rightly honor his position as head of house when I'm functioning in a type of parent role in which I direct him around. The problem is that type of male leadership was not modeled in his home. He has a lot of immaturity. He does a lot of what I ask him to do around the house, but that throws off our dynamic because I am the boss in that scenario, which naturally puts me in a position to lead. Instead of that, I want my H to lead, by taking initiative and doing things because they should be done as opposed to my asking him to do them. That's where Pastor J comes in. He has been doing a marvelous job with trying to teach my H about servant leadership. I'd love to respect him as a head of house. That's something I'm praying for. Anyway, thought I'd share more about my present situation.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 30, 2018 20:49:41 GMT -7
I need a friend, so please be advised that I'm posting this comment just to be heard. I do not want any thoughts about my husband's state of mind right now. I went out with him tonight and I just can't stop crying. It's nothing in particular that he did or didn't do tonight. I'm just so scared and emotional because of all that's happened between us. I want so badly to trust him and love him. without holding back. I want him to be my best friend. I want to be able to say anything to him and know that he'll always be with me and that whatever I say will stay just between us (as opposed to being told to his mother) and will never be held against me. I want him to be tender with me and desire me. I'm so scared of him leaving me again by his choices and blaming me for that. When will I get to put my arms around him and just melt into him and feel safe? If it's God's will for my marriage to work out, I pray for God to reveal that to me.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 31, 2018 7:35:55 GMT -7
Hugs and prayers sweetie.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 31, 2018 19:18:44 GMT -7
We had a breakthrough tonight, or at least it was a significant improvement to our usual pattern. I had a really nice day with my husband today and I was upset when he wanted to go back to where he's living. I yelled and he fired back, then we both apologized and meant it. He hugged me and was tender when I told how much I still love and miss him (something I've been holding back from saying). May seem like a small change, but just a few months ago, we would've been at each other's throats. It feels nice to actually tell him how I feel without being scared of it.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 6, 2018 15:59:11 GMT -7
Good counseling session today. Pastor J prayed for H and me and included a prayer that H would move in before he had intended to in May and then financially support me, both now and in the future by being the sole breadwinner in a one income family. I never thought of asking God for that - it honestly never entered my mind. How great would that be, though? I never thought my H could be as sensitive as he's been this past week. Plus, God gave Sarah a child when she thought she was too old. He does miracles. Sigh...
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2018 17:13:14 GMT -7
Oh geez. Just when things seem to be getting better, my daughter's school guidance counselor called me to tell me to come pick her up and have her evaluated before she can come back to school because she was in guidance making very specific suicide threats. Consequently, she has been admitted to a mental hospital again. This has very serious financial consequences for me and has rendered me unable to work this week, so my parents are paying for her stay there and they have bought me groceries and given me money to live on this week. Meanwhile, I found out I am eligible for a chapter 7 bankruptcy, so I may do that. H is still being sweet, but still has not given me any money outside of buying me a couple of meals and he says he's still not mentally ready to come home because of how hurt he was when he had to move out. I'm frankly losing interest due to his prolonged butthurt. It's actually probably wise for him not to move back in unless he steps up his game anyway. I know what these things mean even considering that I'm all emotions this week.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2018 17:28:35 GMT -7
Man hon, you are going through some stuff! Satan loves to hit us when we are down. I will be praying for you and your daughter. It sounds like the stress is getting to her...unless there is mental illness in the family? Some mental illness is heredity.
I am glad you have family to help you out. Give them hugs from me.
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Post by ladystrong on Apr 12, 2018 21:12:17 GMT -7
Wow, that’s a lot to take in. I’m praying for you and your daughter. How old is she? *HUGS*
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2018 22:11:26 GMT -7
She's 14. There is depression and anxiety on my side of the family. Can't recall anything like this, however.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2018 8:11:28 GMT -7
How is she doing today? Stress does make depression and anxiety worse. Your family has been under a lot of stress lately plus she may be experiencing stress at school. Teenage years are tough.
Hugs hon.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 14, 2018 10:57:28 GMT -7
I don't know yet. I'll go see her at 5:30.
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