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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2016 8:24:50 GMT -7
I'm feeling stronger and urges are weakening. I seem to have reached a new level of self control as a result of the Lord healing and renewing my mind. I still struggle with other issues in my life that cause pain and discomfort and yet not resorting to P for relief. The next area I would like to see improve is my faith/confidence to lovingly confront people and to stop being so critical and judgmental. I get frustrated and impatient very easily. I am also a perfectionist.
Thank you Lord for grace and mercy.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2016 12:32:49 GMT -7
I'm feeling stronger and urges are weakening. I seem to have reached a new level of self control as a result of the Lord healing and renewing my mind. I still struggle with other issues in my life that cause pain and discomfort and yet not resorting to P for relief. The next area I would like to see improve is my faith/confidence to lovingly confront people and to stop being so critical and judgmental. I get frustrated and impatient very easily. I am also a perfectionist.Thank you Lord for grace and mercy. I think a majority of us addicts are like this. It is part of the healing process to learn to derail these negatives in our personalities. It is also something that we will have to be watchful of in the future because it is easy to fall back into even more so then porn.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 10, 2016 6:07:03 GMT -7
I once heard this quote "Complaining(criticism) is anger escaping from a shrinking soul". I grew up in a home with lots of fighting, shame and a very critical mother. I hate it when I get caught up in a "**** session". It happens so easily in conversations with my wife as we talk about other people's problems. I am very hard on myself and hard on others. That's not grace so again I am reminded I am forgiven and need to forgive others. Sanctification is so much harder than salvation but will continue til He calls us home. It says in Hebrews "Today when you hear His voice do not harden your hearts". If we harden our hearts we risk not entering His rest.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2016 6:09:20 GMT -7
Yesterday wasn't a great day as a result of 2 very erotic dreams I had the night before. I never dream at least that I can remember. My wife also had a sexual dream the same night. I'm not sure what to make of that except it was probably triggered by 2 minutes of a show on TV I shouldn't have watched. as a result I did feel tempted but thankfully was able to resist before it went too far. I constantly pray that the Lord will provide a way out and He faithfully does. The good news is that in my dream and my wife's I did the right thing so that was encouraging a bit.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2016 10:00:44 GMT -7
Dreams do tend to plague addicts when you are least expecting it. What I do is pray over my dreams before I go to bed...that they be pure and honor God. It works for me anyway.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2016 21:44:16 GMT -7
I have been playing with fire today. No porn but some chatting . Nothing really happened but it's a huge weakness for me. I would appreciate your prayers . I have to decide how and when to tell my wife
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Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2016 6:30:54 GMT -7
Speak from your heart when you talk to you wife. Expect her to be hurt, angry, disappointed etc. Be ready to take whatever she says. Apologize from the heart. And work toward a solution with her.
Father, strengthen brave to overcome his sexual sins. Give him Your love for his wife. Help him to see his sin from her eyes. Draw brave closer to You because only a strong relationship with You will affect a permanent change in overcoming this sin. Father wrap you arms around brave's wife. She will need your love, peace and strength. In Christ's name I ask. Amen
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Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2016 6:49:54 GMT -7
I have been playing with fire today. No porn but some chatting . Nothing really happened but it's a huge weakness for me. I would appreciate your prayers . I have to decide how and when to tell my wife In reading your last two posts I would like to ask how is the communication between you and your wife? I pray that you two are open and honest with where you're at in your recovery. Playing with fire as you say is just as dangerous if not more because in my experience it leads to great pride in the heart. "I went to the edge but didn't get burned I say." The heart becomes prideful and puffed up falsely. I'm also concerned about the chatting. What can you popssiblely be discussing that you couldn't talk with your wife about? Brother I'm praying for you and for all of us men to truly be men of character. I'm fighting for you in prayer and I know that together we will win.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2016 12:01:35 GMT -7
I consider edging just as bad as acting out. It's lust and adultery . I feel only shame and pain for letting my wife down once again. And I have delayed my healing by getting a dopamine buzz. My ability to resist has been weakened. This is a setback but I have learned to repent, confess and get back up. Thanks for your prayers.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2016 12:13:11 GMT -7
Communication with my wife is very good but the moment it gets easy to tell her I've failed her is a very sad one. I have been advised by a Christian counsellor not to share the nitty gritty details to my wife . That would be demeaning to her. We talk about what when and why it happened and how to prevent it next time. When I don't tell my wife she can tell anyway and gets very anxious and worried. She often asks me what happened before I have even had a chance to tell her.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 14, 2016 12:20:53 GMT -7
Sounds like you two are in sync with one another and that is a good thing. I agree with the counselor in not sharing "every little dirty detail." This serves no purpose in my eyes only to cause further division within the house. I'm glad for you that you have someone who is understanding enough in this area not to push the issue any further then what she can handle and that you are willing to discuss this matter with her. That is a rare quality within the realm of this addiction and it's recovery. I wish you two continued success on the road to recovery.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 18, 2016 2:16:00 GMT -7
Well on Friday at lunch I talked to my wife about my latest struggles and failures by chatting inappropriately with anonymous women online. I can tell it hurts her even though she stays calm. It's what happens later that worries me and reminds me how hard this is for her. She has terrible thoughts and dreams. I'm trying hard to reassure her and stay close to her. You ladies may not know this to be possible or believe it but I love my wife more than ever. I hate my sin and weakness because of what it does to me but even more because of her pain. Even after telling her I was tempted the next day briefly. We will be heading to Cuba in a week with no internet to distract me so I'm looking forward to that. I'm alone more during the week and the temptation will be there. Pray I can stay strong everyone . Thanks.
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KevinesKay
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Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jan 18, 2016 20:54:13 GMT -7
Have a great trip, Braveheart.
Lord, may you bless Braveheart and his wife as they spend time in Cuba. May you help and guide Braveheart so that he continues to keep praying and to not give into temptation. May they have a wonderful, blessed trip together. We pray this in Jesus' name. Amen.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 22, 2016 16:17:33 GMT -7
Must be the full moon . The last few days have been brutal for temptations. I seem unable to resist the chatting even though I don't act out. Lots of discussion with my wife is good . We leave Monday for Cuba so being with her 24/7 for the next 10 days with no internet loopholes hopefully will give me a reset. Prayer is appreciated . I'm going to give my wife my undivided attention with the Lord helping me.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 22, 2016 16:54:24 GMT -7
Keep focusing on Christ and on your wife. If you need to, lock up all your devices. I pray you have a great time in Cuba.
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