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Post by Deleted on Jan 25, 2016 15:29:23 GMT -7
Thanks Amy for checking on me, I just think my husband and I are in the best place we have ever been in our marriage, and not bc everything is perfect but bc we've stopped pretending like everything is perfect. We still have a long way to go, I know we're just at the beginning of our journey in this fight for our marriage but I would ask for prayer that we keep clinging to Jesus and that we fight the right way, not against each other but the real enemy. We have some habits that have been part of our marriage for all of the almost 5 years now that we have been married that we need God to help us change and I already see how easy it is to stay doing the same ol' thing, so we're slowly learning not to settle and I pray we just keep growing and not stay stagnant. It's easy to become comfortable in marriage and one has to work on breaking the cycle. One good way is to set aside one day each week for a date. Date your husband all over again. Fall in love with the man you married 5 years ago. Write out a list of the things you admire most about him. Trust me getting a letter like that will really boost his ego. Little things like that that we so often take for granted can really mean a lot at the proper times. I'm so glad you two are at a better place now. Keep growing.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2016 22:46:21 GMT -7
This whole being my husbands accountability partner just got a lot tougher as I heard these words for the first time since we started our journey together of recovery "I messed up this week." Whew. I'm trying to pray through it and I am trying to learn how to express all that I feel/think to my husband, that hasn't been easy for me. I didn't realize that our church computers didn't have any monitoring systems on them, it's the only tech he has that isn't monitored and he used it to view P. In order to get anything put on it we have to talk with our church IT staff (we have don't have administrative access) and we haven't come to the point yet to share with our leaders so it's a difficult place to be right now. Please pray for us.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2016 7:42:11 GMT -7
Being an accountability partner is tough from the get go. The addict wants to be trusted and yet what is required of an accountability partner is the exact opposite. The constant checking up on them (which they can view as spying...I was actually accused of that by my ex), the questioning when things don't look of feel right, the correction when they error in thinking. It can rip you to shreds if you are not leaning on God and depending on His strength. It is good that your husband was honest with you. The owner of the site Mike posted something on Facebook that you might be interested in reading. Here is a link to Blazing Grace Facebook page www.facebook.com/BGbreakingfree.org/?ref=ts&fref=ts&__nodl
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Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2016 4:28:14 GMT -7
It sure isn't easy hearing our husbands admit when they have messed up. Praying God will give you strength and comfort as you walk through this. It is a really good step that he confessed it to you. its so hard to not attack my own husband when he lets me know he has slipped and looked at something. It hurts to hear it, yet I know it's good that he is telling me. The only suggestion I have is try not to attack him in the moment over it. You want him to share with you, and attacking him will have the opposite effect of what you want. One thing that helped me a lot was to journal out how I was feeling. Dump all the anger and confusion onto paper, then pray and ask God how He wants you to respond to your husband. Doing that has really helped me in the past. Talking to a counselor or sharing your feelings in a support group really helps too. It's just not an easy thing to hear. I suppose that's why therapists don't recommend wives be an accountability partner for their husbands. I always want to be, so I know what's really going on in my husband. The offense hurts me, yet the transparency encourages me. That being said, my husband has other, reliable men he can talk to who help keep him accountable, as well. Does your husband have another man as an accountability partner? If not, encourage him to be looking for one and pray that God will bring that man into his life. Praying for you!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2016 7:13:44 GMT -7
As an addict who's wife is my accountability partner I can honestly say it's the pain and anxiety I see in my wife when I fail that motivates me more than anything else to stay sober and clean. When she is sometimes angry and bitchy I almost feel justified in acting out. My wife's health has suffered as a result of my sin. It's the compassion in my heart that needs to be triggered not my shame and anger. Seeing my wife suffer quietly breaks my heart and gets my attention.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2016 15:45:57 GMT -7
Right now attacking him or being super negative isn't really my struggle, it's actually the opposite. When he confessed I just kind of shut down and felt numb all over again. So I am praying for a softened heart and was just honest that I needed time to process what I felt/thought. I have been trying to be more consistent and more specific with how I pray for my husband for some reason it's like hitting a brick wall, I just find myself coming to God over and over and not knowing what to pray for my husband... I just started a new prayer journal and I am hoping I will be also to use it to help me figure out so much that feels stuck in my head/heart that I don't even understand Thank you all for praying.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2016 15:55:36 GMT -7
Hope22 - as of now he does not have a personal accountability partner, he has another site similar to this one with an accountability email group We are both meant to be praying for him to find one, so I really hope finds one soon.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2016 16:27:26 GMT -7
I'll give you two options that I use. One is a personal mentor at my church with whom I meet weekly outside of church. Two is a phone buddy on Blazing Grace or Celebrate Recovery. Several men on Blazing Grace have already been calling each other to hold us accountable. I hope your husband finds a good accountability team and I say team because it is going to take an army of strong fighting men to win this war. Mike gave a good lecture on what to look for in an accountability partner and I believe it is posted on the forums.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2016 19:48:46 GMT -7
Right now my husband is fasting due to conviction that his own part in his recovery hasn't been all that it can be, at least that's my way of wording what he shared. He said its like a detox for him and the hunger is a physical reminder of his struggle and surrender. I told him it could be a good jump start to all that God wants for him to put in place now and that in my opinion if fasting alone is all he does this weekend than he missed the purpose it can have for him. Please pray for us, I feel we are at the edge of a breakthrough that will ultimately be a good thing but also be very painful in its consequences. I'm trying to trust that whatever we may lose in all this our true security is in God. Our oldest daughter who is only three has so many health concerns that if we are asked to step down from ministry for now I am scared about not having insurance/enough money to pay for all the specialists she sees, that's just one piece of it but it's a high concern of mine. Another struggle I am having is that I have shared it's not just my husband in ministry, we are both pastors and I actually came into ministry single and we were each pastors for a year on our own, all that to say I am struggling to not have a hardened heart if I would have to step down from ministry due to my husbands sin... God is in control and I know we are in His hands, but these are all very real things that I'm trying not to let keep me up at night.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2016 4:14:15 GMT -7
Fasting is always a good way to jump start and recommit ourselves to Christ. I would like to ask what health issues your daughter has. If you are not comfortable saying so in a post, you can message me.
I am praying for you and your family.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2016 13:32:48 GMT -7
Amy, Well I will share here in hopes that anyone who reads prays for her and knows we are very blessed to have our precious, sweet, spunky, funny, Jesus-loving oldest child and that she doesn't let anything get her down. She is my greatest teacher and I want to be like her in many ways!
At birth she failed her hearing test and after much testing she was diagnosed with hearing loss in both ears at the age of 2 1/2 and she got hearing aids for both ears. When she turned three her right ear actually tested in the normal range and we thank God for that and now she only has a hearing aid for her left ear. It really is a long story and kind of confusing but her hearing loss had to do with fluid in the ears among other things so her hearing actually would go in and out very often over the first three years of her life and as a result she has a severe speech delay and until she turned 3 1/2 we were mostly communicating through sign language. She will be 4 at the end of April, and we praise God for the progress that she's made in the last couple of months absolutely miraculous where her speech is now compared to a year ago. She is in speech therapy twice a week now. By the time she was six months we recognized that she had a mobility delay so she went to specialists for that and started physical therapy, she was diagnosed with low muscle tone and severe hip dysplasia, she did not start crawling until she was over one year old and she did not fully walk until she was 2 1/2 years old. She is still in weekly physical therapy to strengthen her legs and hips she can't yet walk upstairs on her own without holding onto the railing. She has severe food allergies, eczema and was recently diagnosed with asthma which is very scary. So she sees a dermatologist, immunologist and dietitian Over the course of her life she's also seen a neurologist and a gastrointestinal doctor because she had real trouble gaining weight for the first two years of her life.
It's all been so much to handle and honestly not having family close by to help us has been a huge stuggle the last 4 years. It's only by God's grace that we are where we are now with her and for our family.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2016 14:24:50 GMT -7
Your little does have a battle on her hands however God has equiped her to handle it and blessed her with loving parents.
Has anyone talked to you about getting her on probiotics? Fermented foods are really great for helping combat eczema, food allergies and intestinal issues. I started researching this because of my sudden food allergies, skin issues and intestinal issues. The doctors couldn't figure out why I was having all these issues. Unbalanced gut flora can cause these things. I started trying probiotics in a capsule and my stomache couldn't handle it. So I researched natural ways to get probiotics. Fermented foods were it. I got some water kefir since I couldn't handle milk. Now I drink water kefir everyday and I have been making my own Sauer kraut. The kraut is awesome. This stuff works...although it takes awhile. Anyway if you haven't looked into it, you may want to. Everything that is needed and used is organic. If you would like to try water kefir, I can send you some. Let me know.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 4, 2016 21:06:16 GMT -7
Thanks Amy for all that you shared, actually her dermatologist did talk to us about probiotics, I'll have to look into them further.
Well my husband took a big step and asked to meet with one of our pastoral care staff to discuss his struggle. I believe they will be meeting on Monday. My husband says he is still really struggling with temptation and has given in to temptation at least once every week since this last month.... I've been having a really hard time lately, I have never had to figure out so much in my own life and spiritual walk while trying to pastor others all at the same time. I know I am not going to Lord as much as I need to bc I feel drained all the time and never filled. Please pray for me to seek the Lord more and more and for my prayer life to be strengthened.
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KevinesKay
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Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 5, 2016 12:38:20 GMT -7
Lord,
Please comfort and strengthen our sister, Christmyanchor. You've allowed her to bless us in so many ways. We pray that you'll provide all of their necessities. We pray that you touch their daughter's body and offer healing. And we pray that your spirit will carry both and her husband through this challenge. Help Christmyanchor to not get discouraged, Lord. Show her that you will faithfully offer your restoration. We receive. Thank you. We pray this in Jesus' name. Amen.
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KevinesKay
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Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 5, 2016 13:13:12 GMT -7
Thanks Amy for all that you shared, actually her dermatologist did talk to us about probiotics, I'll have to look into them further. Well my husband took a big step and asked to meet with one of our pastoral care staff to discuss his struggle. I believe they will be meeting on Monday. My husband says he is still really struggling with temptation and has given in to temptation at least once every week since this last month.... I've been having a really hard time lately, I have never had to figure out so much in my own life and spiritual walk while trying to pastor others all at the same time. I know I am not going to Lord as much as I need to bc I feel drained all the time and never filled. Please pray for me to seek the Lord more and more and for my prayer life to be strengthened. For me, stopping P was easy. What was hard was staying stopped... For most of my life, I tried to quit P on a long term basis. And I chronically relapsed through much of those years. I relapsed through college. I relapsed through my first accountability group. I relapsed through my first marriage ending in divorce. I relapsed through my initial 9 years through SAA and SLAA. I relapsed though loss of a job. I relapsed until I got arrested. And even then I relapsed through 8 years of my marriage with Iris. Would you and your husband like to go through the same thing that I did? I would certainly hope not. So please forgive for being a bit frank. I don't want you husband to learn the hard way like I did. He can turn this around. But frankly, I seriously think he's fooling himself. Having 0-1 accountability partners and having loose boundaries at home or work would be simply unacceptable for a chronic relapser like myself. I'm sorry, but I think your husband is also a chronic relapser. And he's also showing signs that he's simply "white knuckling" it. I truly desire for him to be restored. But he's giving me all the relapser symptoms. We've extended the offer that he reach out to us multiple times. We do have tools here to help deal with this. If your husband doesn't want to take what we have to offer, then he's pretty much on his own. And that's not good. I'm sorry to sound so harsh. I know I just represent 1 PA's opinion. But I really do care, and I don't want him to see himself destroy everything he values for P.
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