KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jan 7, 2016 15:07:44 GMT -7
You do realize that he can get his porn on facebook and also YouTube? XXXChurch didn't work with our computer or phones. So we went with covenant eyes. The small fee is worth it and it gives a fairly detailed report. I would suggest that you be in charge of installing the filter and use a password that he won't be able to guess. I am glad you were able to take some time off and visit family. It is always joyous to be able to see loved ones you haven't seen in awhile. Amy has a very good point. As a PA, I can turn a lot of things into P. I can even turn "The Price is Right" into P. On my computer, I've denied myself access to FB and Youtube and Google and Yahoo and virtually every other website out there. And I don't regret it. My focus and clarity are significantly improving.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 8, 2016 20:06:31 GMT -7
I am thankful for all of your concerned insight on this. I will talk with my husband again about CE. He told me when we talked about it these last 2 times that XXX church's goal was in the communication after the accountability partner viewed the reports. This is the first time I have ever set boundaries to talk about his struggle weekly, I was hoping that having to look me in the face week after week and talk about it finally, would be something even more impactful than filters but I don't want to be naïve.
Braveheart. I watched the video you shared with Curlygurly on men compartmentalizing things, and I think that really does describe my husband. I just feel like there is nothing else in life that he would lie to me about, yet he has covered this up and kept it quiet for years, and I'm still trying to wrap my head/heart around that.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2016 4:56:39 GMT -7
If you do some research(I will see what I can find again) into addiction you will see how the part of the brain that determines morals and ethics and gives the strength to resist sin is weakened every time there is a relapse. The only way for this to be healed is total abstinence from the addiction for 90 days to several years depending on the age the addiction started and what the addiction is. You can't understand this because your brain is healthy so you take it personally. When the trigger comes he has no sense of empathy for anyone and no ability or desire to resist. That is why I am so adamant about cutting off all access to try to regain some healing for the brain to resist temptations.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2016 5:32:52 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2016 8:04:25 GMT -7
We've decided to give them both a trial run. xxx actually has an option with filter that we found, so just please pray for wisdom for us.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2016 8:09:24 GMT -7
We've decided to give them both a trial run. xxx actually has an option with filter that we found, so just please pray for wisdom for us. How wonderful that the decision was a mutual agreement. :-) !!
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2016 8:15:10 GMT -7
We've decided to give them both a trial run. xxx actually has an option with filter that we found, so just please pray for wisdom for us. How wonderful that the decision was a mutual agreement. :-) !! Sounds like a team effort that's great!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2016 9:12:10 GMT -7
Today marks 3 weeks with no P or M for my hub. I honestly don't know the lengths of time over the years that he's experienced freedom, there's still so much we have to talk about that I just don't know yet. But I am thankful to finally be dealing with this together.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 11, 2016 14:53:10 GMT -7
Awesome! Keep praying. If you guys pray together, that is wonderful and the way it should be.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2016 3:20:36 GMT -7
We're praying into our next step of vulnerability and removal of isolation by telling his parents and my mom in a couple weeks. We don't want to steal the joy of the reason they are coming to visit us (my husbands parents are also ministers and they are coming to dedicate our 6 month old back to God at our church here) but I believe God is doing a great work in my husbands heart right now and I think we really need to start this journey with those who we know will show grace and truth toward us and especially him. Please be praying for us in this they will be here the weekend of Jan 30/31
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Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2016 6:10:21 GMT -7
That's a courageous step. Praying for the right words and loving and receptive hearts.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 19, 2016 19:02:22 GMT -7
Yesterday I found out that my husband and I were not on the same page about opening up to our parents at this time. We did have a good conversation about it and We will together and separately be praying about what God wants our next step to be. I feel like right now we are having a lot of difficult conversations and it's not a bad thing bc before we were just brushing things off and ignoring them now we are figuring out to communicate. Our marriage struggles from both lack of communication and negative communication, and it is something I really want to work on for my part. The 18th of this month (yesterday) marked a month of no P or M for my husband. I praise God for working in my husbands heart and I am praying for my husband to keep clinging to Jesus. He is still so raw and his shame is so palpable. I really saw it in our conversation about opening up with his parents. I don't want to push, I do want to pray and trust the Lord. Thank you friends for praying for me and my husband.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 19, 2016 20:36:44 GMT -7
Learning to truly talk is difficult because it means trusting the other person with your real self. There is no hiding, which is scary. Keep leaning on our Lord and trust in Him. You are making good progress because you are both trying to change and trusting in God. Stay in prayer that is our greatest weapon and comfort.
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2016 18:00:18 GMT -7
Hi Hon, just wondering how you are doing. Anything that needs prayer?
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2016 20:24:27 GMT -7
Thanks Amy for checking on me, I just think my husband and I are in the best place we have ever been in our marriage, and not bc everything is perfect but bc we've stopped pretending like everything is perfect. We still have a long way to go, I know we're just at the beginning of our journey in this fight for our marriage but I would ask for prayer that we keep clinging to Jesus and that we fight the right way, not against each other but the real enemy. We have some habits that have been part of our marriage for all of the almost 5 years now that we have been married that we need God to help us change and I already see how easy it is to stay doing the same ol' thing, so we're slowly learning not to settle and I pray we just keep growing and not stay stagnant.
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