Daniela
Member
Posts: 74
Occupation: Lifestyle Counselor
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Post by Daniela on Jul 20, 2015 19:55:17 GMT -7
I guess it's really time that I start an accountability blog here. Last week, I acted out again, which was quite unfortunate. As usual, I felt bad about having laid hands on myself yet again, all the more these sessions with myself do not really give me satisfaction. Once the dopamine kick is over, the cravings come back with a vengeance. But I'm on day 6 now and I'm doing pretty good. Actually, the temptation hasn't been overwhelming - counting out my usual daily longing for physical touch and intimacy. However, I'm still sometimes tempted to read/watch material that's not appropriate. Like just now, when I was googling again for something that is helpful for women who struggle with masturbation. The problem is that you sometimes end up with arousing material while searching for something encouraging! So I had to end this excursion to YouTube and am now writing these lines. I'm thankful that I'm actually quite busy traveling these days. Today, I'm still by myself and it's raining, so I have too much discretionairy time. But in the next couple of weeks, I'll be surrounded with like-minded people, and I will be on a busy schedule. So that will be helpful I guess!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 20, 2015 21:32:12 GMT -7
Can you find an accountability partner who will get a weekly report if you put Covenant Eyes on your puters and phones?
This program has helped my H become sober.
It has been around for a long time so they've had years to perfect it. You can even have another administrator so only she/he can remove the program from your stuff. It's only 14 bucks a month for all your devices.
Keep trying Daniela! God will give you victory over this stronghold. I never thought my H would quit and now after 9 months of sobriety (and I know he still struggles with some things)I have a little hope things might work out b/t us.
Enjoy your trip. I'm so jealous! I have never traveled abroad at all.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 20, 2015 21:32:27 GMT -7
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 20, 2015 21:35:29 GMT -7
In fact, we are having to get a cell phone for work and I'm debating whether or not to let him have internet on it. However, I can put CE on there and he can't remove it.
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Daniela
Member
Posts: 74
Occupation: Lifestyle Counselor
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Post by Daniela on Jul 21, 2015 15:18:09 GMT -7
Thank you for your responses! Yesterday evening, I read something again that I shouldn't have been reading. It's too bad that there are no internet filters while I'm traveling. When I'm back at my current place, it won't be a problem I guess. The thing is that Covenant Eyes wouldn't help me much anyway I guess, since I don't have an accountability partner.
Anyway, my desire to engage in self-pleasure again was quite pronounced last night. But I didn't want to start at zero again. In addition, I'm going to give a worship talk at a camp meeting in three weeks time, and I wouldn't feel worthy doing this if I'm currently masturbating, so I thought I'd better refrain!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2015 5:02:56 GMT -7
Great job fighting to stay sober one more day. I think your posting here will be a great help to you and I will pray you can find an AP to help you stay sober.
It's sad the P sites make their links similar to good things we want to look up. I heard they even have one that is similar to the White House link so as to get kids hooked on P. P is so predatory on so many levels.
Did you say you're originally from Germany?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2015 23:22:06 GMT -7
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Daniela
Member
Posts: 74
Occupation: Lifestyle Counselor
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Post by Daniela on Jul 23, 2015 2:43:43 GMT -7
Thanks for your prayers and your encouragement everybody! Yes, I'm originally from Germany, but right now enjoying Scandinavia!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2015 0:33:01 GMT -7
Do you know what you want to say for your camp talk?
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Daniela
Member
Posts: 74
Occupation: Lifestyle Counselor
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Post by Daniela on Jul 24, 2015 2:49:49 GMT -7
The title will be "Arise and discover your full potential", with reference to a chapter from the book "Steps to Christ" (to be found under: www.earlysda.com/steps/steps-to-christ8.html).It's basically about the parable with the 10 talents, implying that we have to give our talents to the Lord's work; sharing my own personal experience that there is nothing that can be more fulfilling in life than to serve God's children.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2015 20:28:13 GMT -7
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Daniela
Member
Posts: 74
Occupation: Lifestyle Counselor
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Post by Daniela on Jul 26, 2015 17:25:46 GMT -7
Ok, my journey to purity continues. I'm realizing again that it's not so beneficial for me if I have too much time all by myself - like this morning in my hotel room. After taking a shower, I felt somewhat needy and went back to bed. At other occasions, I would just go ahead and do something "good" to myself, but since I know that the outcome of such actions is never good and since I'm determined to stay pure, I didn't go all the way. I just lamented my case before God and got dressed. I'm still somewhat aroused now but I DON'T WANT TO DO IT! As I travel today, I will fast over lunch. It's time that I start this tradition again with fasting on Mondays - not only from Facebook, but also from food. If you can abstain from something that's allowed, it makes it easier to abstain from something that's not allowed. I used to fast and pray on Mondays especially for a husband. I need to revive this. Thanks for your prayers!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2015 1:01:06 GMT -7
Good choices! I know it is hard but every right choice you make and follow through with makes you stronger. Staying in and going to God is the key to success. Get angry at the wrong choices, the fakeness that those choices offer....it's called righteous anger. Don't turn that anger on yourself. Keep it focused on the sin. It will help you to continue on in this journey to overcoming. I am praying that you have a good choice day and that you draw closer to God.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2015 22:51:50 GMT -7
Daniela,
I think taking a break from the internet is a good idea. I do that myself. It also gives me a break from healing from hubby's PA. If I constantly think about it, it will wear me out.
Amy is right. Going to God as soon as you feel weak is a great idea. Submit yourself therefore to God and the Devil will FLEE from you.
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Daniela
Member
Posts: 74
Occupation: Lifestyle Counselor
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Post by Daniela on Aug 1, 2015 20:49:53 GMT -7
Ok, I'm on day 20 now - yeah! However, the biggest issue for me is that I'm still struggling with these fantasies. The problem is that I'm longing so much for intimacy and sexual fulfilment, and thus it's very hard for me to not indulge in these fantasies. However, I know that it's wrong, even though I imagine having sex with my future husband. Furthermore, these imaginations have often been a trigger in the past to lay hands on myself again. Yesterday, I participated at a communion service, and I again confessed this sin before the Lord and I asked Him to help me overcome. Ever since, it's going better somehow. I think I just need to realize over and over again that sex is not for me right now, but I'm afraid that if I meet somebody that I like that I will be all the more tempted again. Anyway, I will keep fighting. Thanks for all your encouragement and especially your prayers!
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