Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2015 10:31:46 GMT -7
I am happy you realized your error and got right with God. You seem very preoccupied with finding a man. Which isn't good for your addiction. It can and will make you want to act out. I know it is hard but need to try to focus on God and what He has you doing in you life right now. When you are ready truly ready for a relationship, you will know because God will say ok to your spirit. You will feel it. Try not to dwell on the maybes and the what ifs. Focus on God and your recovery. I went through the same battle as you while I was single...and now that I am getting divorced, am in it again. Find the blessings in your life and focus on the joy that God gives you. The Lord knows your heart hon and He is preparing you for that right now. Don't dwell and find your blessings.
|
|
Daniela
Member
Posts: 74
Occupation: Lifestyle Counselor
|
Post by Daniela on Aug 30, 2015 22:33:45 GMT -7
Thanks Amy for your advice. I should definitely not focus too much on my longing for a husband. Unfortunately, I'm back to square one now as I eventually acted out last night. I was so much craving the stimulation, so I ended up laying hands on myself. As always, I'm discouraged and frustrated. I hope it won't be so hard in the weeks and months to come to refrain from masturbating. I truly need to focus more on my relationship with the Lord right now.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2015 12:28:16 GMT -7
You do realize that wether or not you MB is your choice? So the next time you want to MB think if it like this... Am I going to choose my wants or I am going to choose God. What coping skills do you have in place to get your mind busy thinking of something else? Do you have an accountability partner you can call?
|
|
Daniela
Member
Posts: 74
Occupation: Lifestyle Counselor
|
Post by Daniela on Sept 1, 2015 5:54:53 GMT -7
Indeed, it's my own choice, so from that point of view it shouldn't be a major problem for me to abstain, since I already know the consequences (i. e. feelings of shame and frustration, and the cravings coming back with a vengeance shortly after the act). In the book that I'm quoting in my posts, it also says "EVerything depends on the right action of the will". And it's God who can make us to be willing - I just need to surrender myself to Him daily. So last night I wasn't tempted to lay hands on myself again, and I'm actively trying to train my thoughts. I have started to actually rebuke them if they start wandering to erotic fantasies. Unfortunately, I don't have an accountability partner though.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 1, 2015 7:19:28 GMT -7
Good job hon! If you need an accountability partner, let me know and I'll PM you my numbers.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 1, 2015 8:47:40 GMT -7
I wanted to say something that is on my heart. I understand myself how hard it is to be single in God's kingdom. I too struggle with longing for a relationship. I don't always understand why and often wrestle with my own heart in this area. But I wanted to offer some words of encouragement that was given to me. (Rough paraphrase here) "God never gives us more than you can handle and when tempted He will always provide a way to stand up under the pressure." With that in mind God must consider you and I pretty strong individuals because together we are in this battle as Singles. So since God loves us in this way how can we but not look for ways to love him back. Singlehood is a blessing once I got my heart and mind right. Believe me it isn't easy. I still don't have it worked out. Our good friend Amy has to constantly remind me over and over what a blessing I have. I love her for it. Look for ways to serve as a single woman. I love to move people (campus, married, empty nesters), being single means I can go anywhere anytime. It makes me ripe for the ministry and leadership. These are my thoughts. Wanted to lift you up and help you walk down that road. Together we'll reach the finish line if we don't give up. (Apostle Paul wrote about that very subject to the churches)
|
|
Daniela
Member
Posts: 74
Occupation: Lifestyle Counselor
|
Post by Daniela on Sept 2, 2015 5:07:02 GMT -7
Thank you for your thoughts Jonathan; I appreciate it. Indeed, there is no temptation that we cannot handle with the Lord's help - even though I've been longing so much to have sex again for over 20 years now, I don't have to fall into this MO trap. On another forum which is similar to this one, I got to watch a very interesting talk on YouTube: www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSh1uQ3K6J8. It's about dealing with sexual urges. The speaker points out that it is important to embrace the discomfort that comes with these urges. He also mentions that the feelings of discomfort associated with the urges were actually what switches the brain. Because if we act on the urge, it's associated with pleasure, but if we don't act on it, it's associated with pain, and then it stops coming up. Last night, I had a hard time again. I woke up and felt really hot, so I decided to take off my pajamas. I knew that this makes me very prone to temptation, and I really felt the urge coming to give myself relief again. But by God's grace, I didn't do it. After about half an hour of not being able to get back to sleep, I felt sleepy again and the urge left. Today, I asked the Lord again how I should ever make it without MO if my situation continues longterm (i. e. being without a husband), but I came to the conclusion that I just have to take one day at a time. I don't know why the Lord has been withholding this beautiful gift of marriage from me, however I don't want to become bitter, but rather serve him now as best as I can. And in fact, in my current occupation, I have found a lot of fulfillment, as I'm helping people in their physical and spiritual needs. I pray that the Lord may continue to guide me and help me to see the blessings He has for me even if my dream of getting married hasn't been realized yet.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2015 11:26:15 GMT -7
Keep fighting the good fight and don't allow there to be even a hint of anything impure. God knows what he is doing in your life as well as mine. It's not up to us to try and tell God. Lay your requests before his feet and let him decide. In the meantime, one young lady once told me she was practicing being married by being married to Christ as her husband. Something to think about in times of distress.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2015 11:51:33 GMT -7
Love that thought John! We are indeed married to Christ because the church (which is us) is His bride. So when you both want to act out think about it like you are cheating on Christ. That is a heavy thought to consider.
Daniela I am so grateful that with God's help you withstood the urges! Keep it up! Each time you win the battle, you become stronger. It's hell at first but it does become easier to withstand the urges with time and practice. Again this is not a race but a life long journey we face. Whether single or married we will have urges to MB. Try to remember that you are not your own...you belong to Christ.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2015 6:18:42 GMT -7
Hope you had a great pure weekend. Talk with you soon.
|
|
Daniela
Member
Posts: 74
Occupation: Lifestyle Counselor
|
Post by Daniela on Sept 7, 2015 10:41:20 GMT -7
Well, I wish I could claim that, but my weekend wasn't exactly pure, as I relapsed yesterday morning. It's very shameful and discouraging, but of course I have to move on from here.
I have been praying a special prayer of consecration in the mornings. and I want to pray it more intently and fervently now. It's a really great prayer, and I recomment it to anyone:
Father in heaven, I come to you in the name of Jesus our Savior. You said: Give me your heart. (Prov. 23:26) I want to do that now by submitting myself to you today with everything I am and have. Thank you that you have already answered this prayer according to Your will, because Your word says that if we pray according to Your will we know that we have already received it (1 John 5:15). And you also said that you would by no means cast anyone out who comes to you (John 6:37). Jesus said: “If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him.” (Luke 11:13) You further said that you would give the Holy Ghost to those, who believe in you (John 7:38-39), who obey you (Acts 5:32), who let themselves be renewed with the Holy Spirit (Eph. 5:18) and who walk in the Spirit (Gal. 5:16). This is my desire. Please accomplish this in me. For this reason I sincerely ask you Father to give me the Holy Ghost today. Since it is a request according to Your will, I thank You that have given me the Holy Ghost now (1 John 5:15). Thank You that I have received Your divine love at the same time, because Your word says: “The love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit.” (Rom. 5:5; Eph. 3:17) I want to say with the psalmist: “I will love You, O Lord, my strength.” (Psalm 18:1) Thank you that I can love my fellow human beings with Your love. Thank You that through the Holy Ghost the power of sin has been broken in me (Rom. 8:13, Gal. 5:16). Please save and protect me today from sin and from the world, give me protection from the fallen angels, save me from temptations and when necessary snatch me and save me from my old corrupt nature. (1. John 5:18) And please help me to be Your witness in word and deed (Acts 1:8). I praise You and thank You for hearing my prayer. Amen.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2015 13:33:26 GMT -7
Sorry to hear about your weekend. I appreciate your honesty in this area. I am not sure it's appropriate, but why do you think you relapse? I'm not asking for details as I don't want to struggle. I want you to search your heart as I had to to see what was broken inside me that I was trying to cure with MB. I know it is different for women. I get that, but perhaps you can learn much about the root of the addiction by searching out your heart. I learned a lot this weekend about "weaknesses". Apostle Paul wrote, When I am weak, then I am strong." God allows all of us to have weaknesses so that we rely on Him and not ourselves. I don't know why you have this weakness anymore than why I do. I do know that in this weakness I have been able to talk to men and a few women that I never would have thought possible. God's glory has been revealed through my weakness. Amen for that.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2015 13:35:53 GMT -7
Sorry to hear about your weekend. I appreciate your honesty in this area. I am not sure it's appropriate, but why do you think you relapse? I'm not asking for details as I don't want to struggle. I want you to search your heart as I had to to see what was broken inside me that I was trying to cure with MB. I know it is different for women. I get that, but perhaps you can learn much about the root of the addiction by searching out your heart. I learned a lot this weekend about "weaknesses". Apostle Paul wrote, When I am weak, then I am strong." God allows all of us to have weaknesses so that we rely on Him and not ourselves. I don't know why you have this weakness anymore than why I do. I do know that in this weakness I have been able to talk to men and a few women that I never would have thought possible. God's glory has been revealed through my weakness. Amen for that.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2015 14:17:07 GMT -7
Daniela, John has made a great point. We do need to look at ourselves and figure out what is broken in us. Then we need to get out of the way and let God work on it. Sometimes that is the hardest thing to do. Let go of our brokenness and let God fix it. It's hard because it's change, fear of the unknown, and pain.
|
|
Daniela
Member
Posts: 74
Occupation: Lifestyle Counselor
|
Post by Daniela on Sept 8, 2015 3:20:33 GMT -7
No problem Jonathan! I guess part of the reason is, as you and Amy have already alluded, that I use masturbation as a means to medicate myself. I'm not sure if there is something broken in me though. I've lost my viriginity already over 20 years ago (in an abusive relationship), however I think by now the wounds should be healed. And other than that, I don't know what else could be broken in me. But fact is that I'm craving this beautiful feeling and the dopamine kick, and it's really hard to quit the habit once you have started to engage in it. Of course the fact that I've already had sexual intercourse in the past doesn't help. It was actually real sex that I was longing for the other morning, but since I can't get it right now, I resorted to MO again. And I don't need any fantasies (or erotica) to turn myself on. Fantasies are still an issue indeed, but not necessarily in combination with MO. Sometimes I wonder if there is any man out there who would be able to keep up with my sex drive, but maybe that's just my subjective impression right now, since I've been celibate for so long and my desire for intimacy has not been diminishing at all. Of course my cravings are also connected to my monthly cycle, but most of the time, I do feel like having sex. Anyway, distraction is the key, and so I will try to keep myself busy in the Lord's service. Last week, I was pretty idle as I was visiting my family and didn't have much to do, but now I'm gettig ready to return to the US, and a very meaningful task is waiting for me there. I'm really determined to kick the habit and to learn to be satisfied with my Heavenly Husband right now!
|
|