Post by KevinesKay on Mar 23, 2024 6:15:39 GMT -7
Forgiveness.
It's something that's been on my mind a lot lately. Although, I've been known to forgive easily (or so I thought), I've seen it as a problem for wives struggling to handle their husbands betrayal. Forgiveness is often treated as a four-letter word in that community. And I find so many resources on forgiveness that are pathetically inadequate
Many view forgiveness too easy. Like for myself, it's not too much of a struggle to forgive, move on, and not dwell on the trespass nor be reminded of it. But just because forgiveness comes easier for me, doesn't mean that it comes easier to those that struggle with it. For many, the battle against unforgiveness would be similar to my battle against lust.
One might not win every battle. But if more battles are won than lost, and if each battle is taken seriously, then you will win this war.
I finally found a couple of books that do a good job discussing forgiveness and how to do it. I think they are great resources for wives, but also for their porn-addicted husbands. It's important that he sees a picture of what she has to endure every day of her life.
June Hunt, How to forgive when you don't feel like it.
This woman knows her stuff. As a woman that has mastered the art of custody of her mind, she offers a path with practical tools to help anyone along this journey.
Lysa Terkeurst, Forgiving What you Can't Forget.
I'm only halfway through this book. And although, I like June's book a little better, I'm finding Lysa's book to be very helpful. Her book is much more about her personal journey. What she learned as she dealt with the people who hurt her including her own husband's betrayal.
But I want to talk about how this applies to me.
I often struggle with thoughts of anger and rage. Just out of the blue. Not really against any one person. Just a random person in my mind, then at the whole world, then at God, then I dream of taking measures to kill lots of people, and their families and children with a machine gun, this escalates in my mind until I'm acquiring loads of nuclear weapons to destroy the entire planet Earth. Along with the moon, or course.
And then I soothe myself with a sex fantasy to make me feel better. So I'm guilty of using anger as a springboard to porn.
And I've always loved action movies. The kind where one vigilante seeks revenge to take out a whole army after they killed his family.
I may not be directly showing signs of unforgiveness towards people in my past. Like my dad, or my mom, or my sister, Mrs. Baker, bullies that picked on me at school. But I'm seeing the ways that I'm indirectly holding unforgiveness in my heart. The impact means that I have to take ownership of my thoughts of anger. Remind myself that forgiveness towards those that offended me will be the best solution for dealing with my anger and rage. And stop watching all these brutal angry vengeance movies. Make that a boundary. Big problem; much bigger than my fapping to porn.
It's something that's been on my mind a lot lately. Although, I've been known to forgive easily (or so I thought), I've seen it as a problem for wives struggling to handle their husbands betrayal. Forgiveness is often treated as a four-letter word in that community. And I find so many resources on forgiveness that are pathetically inadequate
Many view forgiveness too easy. Like for myself, it's not too much of a struggle to forgive, move on, and not dwell on the trespass nor be reminded of it. But just because forgiveness comes easier for me, doesn't mean that it comes easier to those that struggle with it. For many, the battle against unforgiveness would be similar to my battle against lust.
One might not win every battle. But if more battles are won than lost, and if each battle is taken seriously, then you will win this war.
I finally found a couple of books that do a good job discussing forgiveness and how to do it. I think they are great resources for wives, but also for their porn-addicted husbands. It's important that he sees a picture of what she has to endure every day of her life.
June Hunt, How to forgive when you don't feel like it.
This woman knows her stuff. As a woman that has mastered the art of custody of her mind, she offers a path with practical tools to help anyone along this journey.
Lysa Terkeurst, Forgiving What you Can't Forget.
I'm only halfway through this book. And although, I like June's book a little better, I'm finding Lysa's book to be very helpful. Her book is much more about her personal journey. What she learned as she dealt with the people who hurt her including her own husband's betrayal.
But I want to talk about how this applies to me.
I often struggle with thoughts of anger and rage. Just out of the blue. Not really against any one person. Just a random person in my mind, then at the whole world, then at God, then I dream of taking measures to kill lots of people, and their families and children with a machine gun, this escalates in my mind until I'm acquiring loads of nuclear weapons to destroy the entire planet Earth. Along with the moon, or course.
And then I soothe myself with a sex fantasy to make me feel better. So I'm guilty of using anger as a springboard to porn.
And I've always loved action movies. The kind where one vigilante seeks revenge to take out a whole army after they killed his family.
I may not be directly showing signs of unforgiveness towards people in my past. Like my dad, or my mom, or my sister, Mrs. Baker, bullies that picked on me at school. But I'm seeing the ways that I'm indirectly holding unforgiveness in my heart. The impact means that I have to take ownership of my thoughts of anger. Remind myself that forgiveness towards those that offended me will be the best solution for dealing with my anger and rage. And stop watching all these brutal angry vengeance movies. Make that a boundary. Big problem; much bigger than my fapping to porn.