KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,735
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jan 7, 2015 1:22:28 GMT -7
Hi everyone,I've been binging on porn for the last two weeks.Can't seem to stop myself.I have two days of sobriety. There's also some things that I want to change about my life. I want to get prayer time with the lord every day.I want to read the Bible every day.I want to make time for my family every day.I want to take more time for my wife each day.I want to start working out again.I want to take more time cleaning my house.I want increase my social outreach such as calling guy friends more often, going to church, and reaching out for help on this site. This list seems long to me, but I imagine that that if I can make time for porn, then I should be able to make time for these other more important things. Please pray for me. I will keep you posted. Happy new year and may the lord bless you all.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,735
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jan 9, 2015 16:30:24 GMT -7
[*]Well so far I've Been sober five days now. Don't know how. Been taking more time for prayer and bible. Haven't worked out yet. My back has been sore. Been doing the love dare on my wife. Maybe I will complete it this time. I'm trying to do it in a way in which my wife doesn't find out. Wish me well. God bless you all. Thanks. Don't have much time today.[/*]
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,735
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jan 9, 2015 16:30:29 GMT -7
[*]Wife's car broke down today. I fixed it. So proud of myself.[/*]
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2015 22:23:39 GMT -7
Thanks to God for the 5 days! Thanks to God for every step of victory we make! Praying for you.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,735
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jan 10, 2015 15:03:55 GMT -7
So far I'm six days sober. Don't have much time. But my recovery works best when I focus less on counting the days, and focus more on making the days count. Been cleaning the house with my family. Having relatives over tomorrow. Yesterday, after fixing the car, I brought flowers to my wife. It was part of the love dare. Hope she doesn't figure it out too soon. But it went well.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,735
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jan 10, 2015 15:38:12 GMT -7
My to do list didn't start off so hot this week.
Prayer 2
Bible 3
Worship 0
Family 4
Clean 1
Outreach 3
Workout 0
That's a total of 13. A score of 20 would so so. 25 is pretty good. 30 or more would be a great week. I'll do better next week. I will keep you posted.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,735
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jan 10, 2015 15:38:16 GMT -7
8 days sober.Spent yesterday cleaning the house for a family party. I'm so spent I didn't enjoy myself. Forgot to wake up my son for school. He missed the bus.I did take time for prayer and bible today.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,735
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jan 13, 2015 15:50:31 GMT -7
Doing the love dare, I've been thinking about what areas I need to improve margin in my life.1) I need to start working out again.2) I need to delegate more tasks at work.3) I need to think more positively particularly when at home. Also, the love dare asks me to note some good qualities and some bad qualities of my wife. Some good traits are: She is a good cook. She takes time preparing meals for our family. She is fun and usually has a cheerful attitude. She makes herself available sexually and feels that it is important. Some bad traits are: Bad traits have been discreetly burned. So far, it's been 9 days. I wanted to act out, but I stuck it out and I'm glad because I knew that you guys reading this post were rooting and praying for me. I didn't think that publicly writing these posts to you would help, but it actually does. So thank you all for your support.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,735
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jan 13, 2015 15:50:32 GMT -7
I've never made a decision to not act out and then later regret it. Only the other way around. I've never said to myself, "I wish I would have acted out last night." I never do that.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,735
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jan 14, 2015 0:59:25 GMT -7
My wife over the past 8 years has truly demonstrated that she loves me more than love itself. I really do appreciate her. Today's Love Dare calls for me to destroy the list of bad qualities that I mentioned above. So that's what I will be doing.
I did a short workout this morning. Haven't done that in years. Amazing.Keep losing count of the days. Sorry, still sober since January 4. Thank you, Lord, and you all who are reading this.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,735
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jan 16, 2015 0:53:24 GMT -7
I want to act out so bad. Dont know how I am still sober. I appreciate this site. It is helping a lot. So far, my to do list is racking up 15 points. It is going better than last week but I want to do better.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Jan 17, 2015 11:12:37 GMT -7
Good work and keep fighting. It is a battle that you need to wage every minute of every day. It seems to me that reading the bible is a big help to you, it is and was to me. Keep controlling your thoughts and take the bad ones captive. Nikanor
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,735
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jan 17, 2015 14:33:27 GMT -7
Thanks Nicanor. I appreciate your support.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,735
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jan 17, 2015 14:46:54 GMT -7
13 days sober now. I'm feeling better than earlier. This too, shall pass. I'm only sober by the grace of God. Since technology has grown, it becomes easier to act out, and more difficult to instill boundaries. I used to be able to simply avoid internet and cable altogether. But now, with my family and work, I can access porn just about anywhere. Internet filters don't work. I can get passed them all. I'm sure most of you can relate.
And now here I am using this cheap tablet that I got as a gift from work. With no filters whatsoever. At first, I just acted out with it. Now, I need it to reach out to you. Since none of my filters will allow me to access this site. If my wife found out. She would compel me to give this up and stop posting on this forum. So I feel like a lost sheep being watched by the great shepherd. Yes, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil. Thanks for your support.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,735
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jan 19, 2015 0:16:46 GMT -7
Prayer 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 Bible 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 Worship Wife Family 1 1 1 Clean 1 1 Workout 1 Outreach
OK this past week, i scored 20 points on my to do list. As you can see, I made time for prayer and bible every day.
Some development opportunities are outreach and wife. Spending quality time with my wife will be the most challenging, but there should be great rewards to it. I'm pretty sexually anorexic with my wife, so that would be one major thing I would like to change.
The results are ok, but not great. I look forward to doing better next week. 15 days sober. I will continue to inform you how things are going. Appreciate all your prayers and support.
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