struggles

Today is 20 years of marriage for us. God also reminded me to forget the things of old and that He is making things new.

we went to a sushi place as a family. That's all we could do.

If my wife said that to me, I would have replied, "Yes, I am selfish." With a big smile and no regret for desiring her.

But I never grovel nor beg for sex. That makes me look weak. And women despise weakness in men.

Dominic, I know what it's like. I feel you. But you're not giving up. Don't lose hope. God wants us to be joyful in this journey. He's all for our own happiness.

And lust, fantasy, porn do nothing to give us joy. They steal our joy, and makes us want more.

Like porn, I find it helpful to not assign any value to lust and fantasy. What value do they have? Nothing. So I'm careful to not assign value to things that I know have no value.

I imagine these things as eating moldy bread or drinking water mixed with bleach. Quitting such things would not be difficult. And saying it's difficult is a statement that assigns value.

God wants me to see sin for what it is; a complete total lie. Do I get led astray? Yes, sometimes. But turning away from such sin is not difficult. Once I see that it does nothing for me, but steals my joy, I'm excited to rid myself of it.

Now my flesh is still broken. Subconsciously, it will not listen to any reason. My flesh will do what the flesh will do. So this is difficult, and impossible if I'm doing this in the flesh. But I'm not to walk in my flesh. My flesh cannot be trusted. I must continue to stay in God's presence, walk in the spirit, because I now consciously know my flesh will lead me to a path of dissatisfaction and sorrow.

I have a fear of airplanes. I know God has taken care of me before but I am scared. I feel more guilty because I should trust in God. The truth is I have doubts about God's protection and I am guilty and feel terrible about this too. I feel it's a slap to God's face but this is the situation. I have even more dread because I wonder if I am saved. Even after all of this. I also feel like germs is gonna make us sick while we travel and this all is killing every day. I cry, u pray. I bring my complaints to the Lord. I envy Christians who go through trials with joy but I'm so negative it's not even funny. I such a weak man.

Would you please pray for me? I'm terrified. I'm also gonna see my therapist tomorrow who is a Christian. I am going to request medicine too, especially for this flight there and back. After this last trial of sin and covid now this. I'm getting broken and desperate again. Not for porn although I'm at a beach parking lot and lots custody and lusted like a fool today.

I'm crazy and lost.

The weekend was good. I got angry at a trip we are trying to plan. I need to control my anger. When I am fearful, I get angry. I'm afraid because I belief my wife is not committed to our agreed plans. Plans keep changing and it's causing a lot of stress.

I didn't lust this weekend I think. God helped me a lot here. I had two virtual meetings.

That's great. How did He help you?