Please Pray For Me Today

I wish you were around, too! Oh wow that would be so wonderful if the women on here could get together and hang out and have some good laughs!

But don't worry, you didn't miss much:

I ended up approaching a place to stop in at, but when I pulled up, there were men standing outside smoking, and they all just turned and stared at me and got quiet.
I didn't even want to get out of the truck.
I literally just kind of casually pulled away again and kept driving like I was just stopping to check something lol!

I ended up having a food cheat night and had a nice quiet drive.
It was nice to get back home to the dogs- My truck is very old and it's not really safe for me to be gallivanting around town late at night in it in case it breaks down anyway. I mean, who would I call for help???
Since I never go out like that, I actually kind of didn't even really think about the fact that I would be using that old truck and it would be late at night until I started to drive out of the driveway....lol. I'm lame. 

Butterfly hugs sweetheart. You have a right to be angry. You have been lied to and manipulated. It's extremely hard to trust someone when that trust has been broken time and time again.

I pray you had some fun last night and were able to forget about this for a little while.

Where in the world do you live hon that the men have no manners? Of course I am no beauty but I am not ugly either but the men here in the Midwest of the US are gentlemen mostly. I am glad you stand up for yourself when they act inappropriately.

Take it easy today hon. Spend some time with God, your dogs and in your garden. Watch a good movie.

Something else for you BOTH to ponder...
A P addiction is progressive. By the year you said you were born you guys are both in your 30's and i think you said you haven't been married but about 4 years or so..and you have no children together.. i hope i got my facts straight..
you guys are still young! You have alot of life ahead of you.
If your H doesn't stop this now and get control over it.. its just gonna get worse.
My H had what i thought was a minor P problem. The first time i caught him MB he was 17... i thought it was normal .. i thought all guys do this sometimes.. no big deal. 3 years later It progressed but our life was still good we were finally having a baby.. i still caught him occasionally but i was young and dumb and thought .. no biggie ... right!
Baby was born and he couldn't even wait the 6 weeks to let me heal from my delivery before having sex.. i thought man .. its so nice to be wanted by my H... once again i was young and i didn't recognize i was just being used to feed his habit.. its 5 years now... he has an affair at work with a woman. It destroyed me. It was a complete shock. I forgave him..Our sex life was good our home life was good... so how could this happen... like i said it progresses... fast forward threw the next 15 years .. i catch him more times than anyone can imagine. I find him on websites saying he is free to meet up with women from 6am to 6pm. I find a condom in his truck. We dont use them. No need for a married man to have them. He lies and hide's his P use. He makes promises and swears he will never do it again.. over and over again.i work day and night to protect our child from ever knowing what his father is doing so i live in silence about my pain.. But our sex life is still good and were happy all but his issue! Then the smartphone is invented and things take a turn. What was a smalker addiction that he felt horrible for and would work to fight off now turns into a demon that runs him.
He is consumed with P and only God knows what else and sucessfully managed to convince me that he had been healed. He's not lying anymore. I can't find no proof of him using. Haven't caught him MB.. We are blissfully happy for 5 years. I feel free because its finally ok! Then God reveals to me exactly who my husband is! He accidentally leaves a porn site open on his phone and boom.. my whole word changes overnight! He instantly became someone different very angry , full of lies.. he had never stopped.. he just learned how to use incognito mode!
Now he no longer wants to have sex and when we do try to have sex he cant seem to function properly. He blames me. Says im unattractive. For years longer tries to continue with his lies and deception. Then 2016 he tries to solicit sex on craigs list. I stop him and seriously consider divorce! He finally admits he is sick and addicted... so the battle begins!

My point to telling you guys this is not to make the post about me but to use my life as an example of what your lives could look like down the road 10, 15, 20 year from now.i dont have a crystal ball and i cant predict the future but If your H cant get control over it.. it could one day run his life. Which would destroy yours! I dont think either of you want that. Please learn from it now while your young and still have time to get it together. I'm 43 now. Not that im to old to have a different life but im invested.. 28 years! I have a child and a new grandchild... its not just my life i would be affecting by divorce.
Porn and not being able to trust your spouse will destroy your marriage. Its only a matter of time.. Time you cant get back! It will take away your happiness. These are supposed to be mine and my H golden years.. our child is grown the hard stuff is done.. we have a beautiful grandson to love and i cant trust one single word he says!!!!! He is NOT the same man i married.. and its awful because i love him!

Butterfly's Husband... think about what you are doing?? Its not worth it.. ask any man that has lost a wife .. a family because of his PA.. they will testify .. its not worth it.. don't let the Devil win! Its all fantasy.. its not real! Your wife is real! You gotta fight! You gotta refuse to give in! You can do it... i believe in you... i will continue to pray for you!


...... continued next post

"Butterfly hugs sweetheart. You have a right to be angry. You have been lied to and manipulated. It's extremely hard to trust someone when that trust has been broken time and time again."
Thanks, Amy. It's like I get no respect, no consideration, no ... nothing (unless HE is getting something out of it, of course!). Just a bunch of empty promises and pain.
It's pretty devastating.

"I pray you had some fun last night and were able to forget about this for a little while."
I actually did have fun last night, thanks!!
I enjoyed the drive, stopped by the beach on the way home and had some nice quiet time- the moon was full and it was beautiful!

With all of my H's drama, I have literally let years of my life dwindle away where I don't do anything I used to do that I love so much. 
I am going to work on spending less time dealing H and more time dealing with ME. I deserve it.
I've lost too much time and too much of myself already and so far, it has not been worth it to me in the least. 
Maybe one day, it will be, but I am having trouble seeing that right now.
Please encourage me not to give up on this marriage.

"Where in the world do you live hon that the men have no manners? Of course I am no beauty but I am not ugly either but the men here in the Midwest of the US are gentlemen mostly. I am glad you stand up for yourself when they act inappropriately."
I live in the tropics that has a lot of racial tension/history.

You know the pictures of white, sandy beaches and palm trees with crystal clear blue and green water? That's the place.
Which is unfortunately one of the reasons why I think my H really married me.
He certainly hasn't shown me much real love so far, so naturally I wonder what he would be using me for. Besides sex, of course.
Because that's how selfish people are- they use people. Does he really even love me at all? WHO KNOWS?!??!?! .... NOT ME! 

Most of the men here are uneducated, poor, etc etc and they literally seem to lose their stupid, small minds when they see what they think is an 'attractive' white girl. (Whatever that means). It's so stupid. And they are so disgusting. 
I used to have blonde hair, but now I dye it a different color. They seem to really go nuts over the whole 'white girl with blonde hair' routine. It's so stupid.
Have I mentioned it's disgusting?  

So, these men I am referring to - most of them are outside all the time, on the streets, in the parking lots, etc etc. So they are kind of... everywhere when I am driving, stopping at stop lights, walking through parking lots, etc etc. You can imagine. It's really hot here and most don't have a/c, so spending the hot days outside in the shade is what most men do (the ones that don't have jobs. Or they do have jobs, but it's selling drugs or ripped dvds, so they are still wondering around outside all day) 

They will literally approach my truck when I am at a stop sign asking me "where you going, baby?" and dumb crap like that.
They will make that stupid noise with their mouths (like they are kissing) like I am a dog and they are calling me over to them.
This happens at least once every time I go anywhere to do anything.
If my H is there, it happens less often (obviously - why would they bother trying to 'get' at me when another man is already there.)

Sometimes, I just lay on the car horn (really loud in my big truck) for like a half a minute and BLAST those fools, it's hilarious to see the embarrassed look on their stupid faces when surrounding people look over and wonder what on earth is going on. They sulk away, and I drive off like nothing's happened.

Sometimes, they make those stupid dog calls and I will whistle back at them totally loud and obnoxious and go "Here, boy!! *whistle whistle* Here, boy! Come on, dog!! *Whistle whistle*" and they stfu and look embarrassed.

I don't think they are used to women like me putting them in their place.
It's almost like they are so used to acting horrid towards females and no one in their lives has taught them how to act like a respectful grown up, so they literally don't know any other way to act. It's so sad. I feel so sorry for them. And their families. Especially their offspring. Sad face.

Some man at the homeless shelter I volunteer at was being really rude to me, and I told him that he needed Jesus.
He replied with, "I've GOT Jesus, B***H!!" (LOL!)
The men here are crazy. And like anywhere else, there are often times drug addiction or alcoholism involved.

It's so ridiculous, but I maintain a good attitude towards everyone that deserves it or people I haven't met yet because I have actually met TONS of nice people here.
Nice, normal men and woman stop and chat me up all the time so it's not like everyone here is that offensive or anything.
But the disgusting, perverted men are quite plentiful. It's so annoying.

Especially when you come from a place down south where if a man talked to woman like that, the man in the next line would walk over and punch him in the face for you. It was quite a culture shock, but one that I had already read about in blogs and forums before I decided to pack up, leave everything, and move here.
I go NOWHERE without my pepper spray and my knives.

But yeah, in a place where I'd like to go to 'listen to music' (they are called BARS, because that's what they are.. .) it's difficult to go alone because so many of those same men who wonder around in the streets all day are there also, and they do not make the best company, nor the most intelligent conversation.
So, pulling up in my truck that I know all those men recognize... yeah... I didn't feel like thwarting gross sexual advances all evening, so I pulled away and just kept going.

I suppose if I had low self- esteem, or wanted to act out because my H treats me like crap, then this situation would be PERFECT!
I'd have guys all over me all night! I'd be the center of attention in that entire place! All the free drinks I could possibly want! Phone numbers! Email addresses! Drinking games! Pool! Body shots! Music! Dancing! YAY!
....No. Not really my style. 
So I listened to God and went home. He told me "Don't stop. Go home" So I did.
He knew it wasn't really what I wanted and definitely not what I needed.

My husband likes to go to bars these days, it seems. Very inappropriate and disappointing that he chooses to spend his time and money this way instead of doing something for me with his time and money, but hey- it's his life. He can do whatever his heart desires!
And trust me, he does.

For a man, I guess it's easier - women aren't desperate enough to disrespect men like that so they don't have to deal with that.
Plus, they can meet, flirt, and ogle women all night while they get drunk- all in the name of just 'getting out' and 'socializing' and 'networking' (some of my H favorite terms). Good luck with that. 

"Take it easy today hon. Spend some time with God, your dogs and in your garden. Watch a good movie."
YES! You bet I will!

I am going to go water my plants, make the dogs a special wet food/dry food lunch with beef treats, and then try to find a good movie and take a nap or something.
I hope you find things to do for yourself today, too, Miss Amy.

You are going through a lot already as we speak, and it takes a lot of strength and dedication on your part to still come on here to encourage people like me.
Thank You.

Very wise words, GHP. And wow you have been through a lot and my heart goes out to you, and to you Butterfly and to all the wives who are suffering with this (also Butterfly I can't imagine where you live but sounds like people are very rude and anti-social there!!)

"God allows us to divorce if our spouse is committed adultery." Um not necessarily:

blazinggrace.forums.net/thread/2941/divorce-remarriage-david-pawson

Hey Butterfly, what about also getting in a support group yourself, for wives of men with this addiction? I really think it would help you as you need people around you physically (as well as this board) to help you and for you to lean on.

Praying for you both, and that God the Father's healing love will make a way.

A few questions for you:
Do you have any friendships outside of this forum, women you can call/text when you're feeling down or pissed off?
Are you going to the same church as your husband?
Do you both pray together?
Have you gone to any couples counseling?

I don't want to assume anything, but from your posts it sounds like the reclusiveness is a major hinderance to your growth. If you don't have people speaking into your life face to face you won't have the accountability that you also need for your actions. It doesn't have to be a group of women that you meet up with, just one or two is enough for you to spew your guts, step back, and then listen to what they have to say.