Post by Deleted on Jul 3, 2017 13:47:46 GMT -7
Husband came by and for once, took the initiative to not just sit and stare at me if I am quiet, but to get up and start being productive around the house.
I followed is lead and we both cleaned for a while. It was nice and we got a lot done without having to converse too much.
After about an hour or so, I told him I needed to take a nap and asked him if he wanted to join me.
He said no, that he didn't feel like laying down and that he would go back to his boss' house.
I was shocked, hurt, and disappointed. He obviously did not want to be here.
I did not show this to him, I just told him "ok, whatever you want to do."
His phone alarm went off, and he pretended to be puzzled as to why.
I tried to ignore any feelings that he was lying to me about that.
I asked him if he had plans for the day, and he said "NO! I just wanted to be here with you!" and I asked him then why did he want to leave? It was confusing.
He told me that he didn't want to just sit in the kitchen and stare if I was going to take a nap.
I told him "Why on earth would you do that? You can do anything you want"
He responded with "What do I do??? I want to play bass, and that's not here! I have no wifi here! (Because his phone is blocked on my router)... But that's ok, I don't even want wifi here..!" (So weird and random that he even said that. Again, I tried to ignore any feelings that he had ulterior motives for wanting to leave). I also pointed out that I have a working laptop right here that he can use if he wants to. (It has qustodio on it that I have access to. Unlike his phone, which has qustodio on it that only he has access to.) His response to using my laptop was to deflect and go on about how there's nothing for him to do over here and he didn't have his bass here, either. (He hasn't worked in 3 weeks. He plays bass day and night, whenever he feels like it. His bass and amp are literally sitting in a house 10-15 minutes away.)
I told him that it sounded to me like he was making excuses and that it was fine, he should just go and enjoy the rest of his day.
He was pissed and defensive, and by this time, I was just shaking trying to stay calm and not cry and get my head around what the hell was happening and why he was getting so mad about it all. I just asked him if he wanted to join me for a nap. I needed to lay down and wanted to lay down with my husband and have him hold me and just show me some quiet tenderness. He told me that he didn't want to, and I did not fault him for that. That was ok with me. Now why was he being such a jerk to me and making excuses so that he wouldn't have to actually do the things around the house today he was talking this big talk about doing? I'm not even telling him what to do or what he should do, because I have no problem with him being an adult and figuring that out himself. I am, however forced to listen to him, in his own words, contradict himself. THIS is where the problem lies. And It is impossible to make heads or tails of what is really happening because of all of the deflection.
He stormed out and slammed the door behind him, and when he was off of the porch on his way back to his boss' car, I threw my mug down that I was holding and it broke everywhere.
Moments later, he stormed in yelling and grabbed his mug out of the sink and threw it.
I at this point was crying, and I asked him why he wouldn't just stay and be with me, stay here at the house if he wanted to, and why he was making excuses to leave and then trying to blame me for it. I asked him if his bass playing was so important, why didn't he just bring it with him? Why doesn't he just go get it then and bring it here - He responded with "Because you didn't ask me politely if I wanted to stay!" I didn't "ask him politely"?? What? I had NO idea what on earth he was talking about and at this point, yelled "I didn't ask you politely??? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??? I asked you if you wanted to lay down with me because I wanted to take a nap and you said no and that you wanted to leave and I said OK!!!"
Then, everything was my fault because now I was yelling (As usual, avoid the questions and the issue and nit pick on little things that come up such as me yelling now). Did I mention that he had already stormed back in just to get and break a mug and yell at me? Yeah. But my raising my voice at him now was suddenly the issue.
Even more confusing, he screamed back at me "I'D RATHER JUST BE HERE AND LIVE HERE, BUT I FUCKING DON'T, DO I??"
And swiped everything off of the counter and kicked the dry dog food container over. So now we have glass and dog food and coffee to clean up.
And now I have to buy another new bag of dog food since this has glass all in it and must be all thrown out.
He left, then came back to clean- when he came back, I was still just sitting in the chair, still just trying not to cry and trying to understand what was happening and why.
I waited a few moments to make sure I was calm and collected before speaking, then attempted to get back to the original question to try to find out what was really going on. I asked him if he wanted to be here, then why was he leaving? Why was he so mad? I told him again how confused I was and asked him again if he was ok and if something had happened. He said that nothing had happened.
I told him I'd clean it, he said no, he'd clean it, then we started arguing again and I told him to just leave and enjoy your day over there playing bass and he stormed out again, slamming the door again.
I threw his bag of clothes outside and we exchanged unpleasantries and he left.
I cried while I swept and then stopped to come in here and ask for some prayer warriors to please pray for me today.
I am having a really rough time now and I really just wanted to clean a little bit and then take a nap with my husband.
I feel like if I am not the perfect little happy, bubbly cheerleader then anything that happens that day is MY fault because he knows that I am not feeling well and that makes it easier to blame shift. Especially if I tell him that I am tired- he will find a way to kind of blame that for anything that happens between us.
I told him that I was NOT going to let him turn this around on me, and I had no idea what the problem suddenly was.
If I had offered for him to come have sex with me in the bed instead of take a nap with me, he would have stayed.
But since he didn't feel like taking a nap, and didn't want to make good on his promises to help me with the yardwork that I always do on my own and to hang the lights, he wanted to leave. And since he knew that he had talked all this big talk just the other day about how he now wanted to be more responsible with his time and do more to help me around the house, he wasn't leaving because he didn't want to do the work- he was leaving because he didn't have anything to do here. (
)
(As the argument later progressed, he then claimed he had wanted to leave straight up because of me.)
He kept saying he needed to leave to go back to his boss' house because he didn't know what to do here (even though we have been discussing him finally helping me with our yard work I always do, and hanging up some security lights which he bought the screws for about 2 months ago.) I told him that he was an adult, and that I didn't care what he did while I was taking a nap- He could do whatever his heart desired! He got even more defensive and angry whenever I told him that he could do anything he wanted. I didn't mention that he could do all of the things we were JUST talking about doing yesterday. It was so obvious that he was avoiding and he was very defensive and angry already, so I just let it go. Or tried to.
Please pray for me for peace and for a forgiving and loving heart.
I need these things so badly today.
Thank You, God for helping my husband and I.
*UPDATE*
Well, he came back because I asked him to because I am SICK AND TIRED of him tearing me up and then running off and leaving me here alone to deal with all of this hurt that he causes me. He hurts my heart over and over and over and over again. He's pissy and acting like a spoiled little brat, but then tries to convince me that I'M being "bitchy and moaning". Hmmm... I have been totally nice.... We didn't talk much because I am depressed today and really needed just some time with someone who loves me.
Sorry that I am obviously sad and jut trying to make it through the day!
I cleaned with him, thanked him for sweeping, mopping, and cleaning off the tables... told him that I was thinking of taking a nap and invited him to come into the bedroom with me.... Bitchy and moaning? I guess by me sitting quietly and trying to hide the tears that kept coming out of my eyes, then getting up to clean and then asking him if he'd like to take a nap with me, that means "I am bitchy and moaning". Him making me feel like I have been acting in a way that I haven't so that he can blame me for whatever is going on is his typical behavior. But it still hurts and frustrates me to the point where I wonder what I am doing wasting my time with this manipulative little liar.
I asked him why he was making excuses to leave and pretending like he had nothing to do here at the house, and that ended in him telling me that "There was nothing here at the house for him". (YES, that's exactly what he said and that's exactly what he meant- he didn't consider me and the dogs to be anything for him here at this house. I confirmed with him 3 times to make sure I understood him correctly because as I told him, it was confusing and really hurt me to hear that. I also asked if he meant that he wanted a divorce)
I asked him what he meant and he said "Just that, There's nothing here for me."
I said, "What about me and the dogs? What about all this work you said you wanted to do over here? Don't you see how you repeatedly telling me right now that there is nothing here at this house for you is very confusing to me since you are always telling me that you love me and the dogs and can't wait to come back home? I don't understand."
And his responses were , "No, it's not. It's not confusing." Also, with a sarcastic, weird smile. ()
He has now already sent me a text claiming that he didn't say that. It's always easier for him to just deny saying or doing something, or twist it around enough to where I should have no reason to be hurt over it than it is to acknowledge apologize to me for it. He is now saying that what he said was "There is nothing for him to DO here at the house." No. We talked about it and I confirmed several times what he meant by that. I started crying again while he was telling me that "yes I understood him correctly." So no, you can't send a text 20 minutes later claiming that's not what you said....No. ... No.
When I just can't handle hearing his lies and the transparent, ridiculous, obvious ways he tries to manipulate the conversation instead of just being REAL and HONEST about what is happening, what he is doing, or what he has said, I raise my voice. This is then his excuse to bail on the conversation because it's easier to do that than to stick it out with me and figure it out (He yells, also, by the way.) So then it's my fault that we can't communicate and that the conversation is over. In actuality, it's because he is contradicting himself and hurting me tremendously in the process, and backs himself into a corner.
I tried as hard as I could to remain calm while I stood there and listened to the Master of Lies and Manipulation, but when he realized that everything he was saying made absolutely no sense when compared to all of the things he had been saying in the past and I kept asking him what happened to him and what was wrong with him today, he told me this "was pointless." In response to that, I said under my breath that I just wished he was dead and he heard me.
I followed him out to the jeep to immediately apologize to him and to tell him that I did NOT wish he was dead.
I explained to him that I did NOT ever wish that he would ever DIE, but when I just said that, what I mean is that I wish that we had never met.
I said I was really sorry for saying that.
He wouldn't accept my apology, so it became obvious to me from his previous behavioral patterns that what I had just said was now going to be the reason and excuse for him to run off and not have to finish the conversation.
Seeing his unwillingness to forgive me was enough to make me slam the jeep door shut and just say "**** IT!"
He left but I was glad that he was leaving. I just can't handle the manipulation, avoidance, and denial whenever I point out to him that there's a better way to handle something or when I tell him I am confused and don't understand why he says and then does two totally different things. He gets REALLY pissed when I point out any time he contradicts himself, then clouds the issue with words, random questions, blame shifting, and doing or saying anything to direct my question to him back at me somehow instead of answering it or admitting it was a dumb thing to say and he didn't really mean it.
Has anyone out there ever experienced such chaos for seemingly no reason?
And as usual, my husband makes a mess then bails when he can't explain himself or doesn't want to simply say "I'm sorry" for something stupid he has said or done.
I have just tried to reach out to someone to come over to my house to pray with me, but she hasn't responded.
I am just trying to keep myself together, I don't know what i did to deserve all of this today.
I just wanted to see my husband and spend time with someone who I thought loved me.
But I guess it didn't benefit him enough to really make the effort, so sabotaging the entire day after an hour of being here and then taking off to do as he pleases with the rest of his day is pretty typical.
I need someone to please pray for me and tell me that God will send me someone in my life who loves me and doesn't want to cause me pain.
My heart can't take this anymore.
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I actually had typed up a prayer request to post today for my husband, but put it on hold when he arrived at the door because I wanted him to have my attention and to not be doing anything on the laptop.
I have a very "who cares- nothing matters anyways" emotion right now, but I guess I'll post it anyway, I just saved it in my notepad on my computer when he came to the door:
Please pray that my husband finds a job.
He has been on the job search for 2+ years.
In the meantime, he works as an assistant handyman with someone and they sometimes go weeks without working at all.
He recently got a client or two that he is helping set up a website and do financial bookkeeping for, but one hasn't paid him at all, and the other one is not fulfilling the agreement he made with my husband to pay him in installments each week.
I do the best I can to pay the bills (my phone, our internet, the electricity, etc) and take care of the dogs' food, vet visits, and monthly meds as well as groceries every month and I am thankful to God that I can do so. Thank you, God for helping me stay afloat in the midst of all of this pain, heartache, and turmoil.
We have been behind in rent pretty much since we got married and I am getting worried that our super-nice landlord is going to run out of patience with us and kick us out of the house that we are renting.
We have separated several times over his lying and denial about his PA - I think this is the third time in the last year 1/2 that he has gone to live with his boss - and every time we separate, I buy him groceries and cook huge meals for him to take over there and eat for lunch and dinner because he doesn't like to cook over there for himself and money is low. But I am not doing that anymore.
While we are separated, he lives with his boss completely rent and bill-free and since the only vehicle that we have between us is my truck, he is also allowed to use his boss' jeep pretty much anytime he wants.
He has so much to be grateful for.
I do, too.
I don't mean to sound ungrateful and I really want to use this opportunity to recognize how faithful God is in keeping our family safe and a roof over our heads.
Thank you, God for all of your blessings!!
But please pray that my husband finds a job soon.
The pressure and stress of him not working at all is starting to eat away at my day-to-day happiness.
I am finding it more and more difficult to remain positive and encouraging. I am starting to feel like there is no point. In anything.
I loathe money and all that it represents, yet I am thinking about money constantly and am so sick of it.
I am 34 years old and have been living on my own since I was still in highschool, and worked and put myself through college, so financial stresses are nothing new to me.
Please pray for me that I do not start to get too discouraged.
Please pray for my husband that he gets a job.
I followed is lead and we both cleaned for a while. It was nice and we got a lot done without having to converse too much.
After about an hour or so, I told him I needed to take a nap and asked him if he wanted to join me.
He said no, that he didn't feel like laying down and that he would go back to his boss' house.
I was shocked, hurt, and disappointed. He obviously did not want to be here.
I did not show this to him, I just told him "ok, whatever you want to do."
His phone alarm went off, and he pretended to be puzzled as to why.
I tried to ignore any feelings that he was lying to me about that.
I asked him if he had plans for the day, and he said "NO! I just wanted to be here with you!" and I asked him then why did he want to leave? It was confusing.
He told me that he didn't want to just sit in the kitchen and stare if I was going to take a nap.
I told him "Why on earth would you do that? You can do anything you want"
He responded with "What do I do??? I want to play bass, and that's not here! I have no wifi here! (Because his phone is blocked on my router)... But that's ok, I don't even want wifi here..!" (So weird and random that he even said that. Again, I tried to ignore any feelings that he had ulterior motives for wanting to leave). I also pointed out that I have a working laptop right here that he can use if he wants to. (It has qustodio on it that I have access to. Unlike his phone, which has qustodio on it that only he has access to.) His response to using my laptop was to deflect and go on about how there's nothing for him to do over here and he didn't have his bass here, either. (He hasn't worked in 3 weeks. He plays bass day and night, whenever he feels like it. His bass and amp are literally sitting in a house 10-15 minutes away.)
I told him that it sounded to me like he was making excuses and that it was fine, he should just go and enjoy the rest of his day.
He was pissed and defensive, and by this time, I was just shaking trying to stay calm and not cry and get my head around what the hell was happening and why he was getting so mad about it all. I just asked him if he wanted to join me for a nap. I needed to lay down and wanted to lay down with my husband and have him hold me and just show me some quiet tenderness. He told me that he didn't want to, and I did not fault him for that. That was ok with me. Now why was he being such a jerk to me and making excuses so that he wouldn't have to actually do the things around the house today he was talking this big talk about doing? I'm not even telling him what to do or what he should do, because I have no problem with him being an adult and figuring that out himself. I am, however forced to listen to him, in his own words, contradict himself. THIS is where the problem lies. And It is impossible to make heads or tails of what is really happening because of all of the deflection.
He stormed out and slammed the door behind him, and when he was off of the porch on his way back to his boss' car, I threw my mug down that I was holding and it broke everywhere.
Moments later, he stormed in yelling and grabbed his mug out of the sink and threw it.
I at this point was crying, and I asked him why he wouldn't just stay and be with me, stay here at the house if he wanted to, and why he was making excuses to leave and then trying to blame me for it. I asked him if his bass playing was so important, why didn't he just bring it with him? Why doesn't he just go get it then and bring it here - He responded with "Because you didn't ask me politely if I wanted to stay!" I didn't "ask him politely"?? What? I had NO idea what on earth he was talking about and at this point, yelled "I didn't ask you politely??? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT??? I asked you if you wanted to lay down with me because I wanted to take a nap and you said no and that you wanted to leave and I said OK!!!"
Then, everything was my fault because now I was yelling (As usual, avoid the questions and the issue and nit pick on little things that come up such as me yelling now). Did I mention that he had already stormed back in just to get and break a mug and yell at me? Yeah. But my raising my voice at him now was suddenly the issue.
Even more confusing, he screamed back at me "I'D RATHER JUST BE HERE AND LIVE HERE, BUT I FUCKING DON'T, DO I??"
And swiped everything off of the counter and kicked the dry dog food container over. So now we have glass and dog food and coffee to clean up.
And now I have to buy another new bag of dog food since this has glass all in it and must be all thrown out.
He left, then came back to clean- when he came back, I was still just sitting in the chair, still just trying not to cry and trying to understand what was happening and why.
I waited a few moments to make sure I was calm and collected before speaking, then attempted to get back to the original question to try to find out what was really going on. I asked him if he wanted to be here, then why was he leaving? Why was he so mad? I told him again how confused I was and asked him again if he was ok and if something had happened. He said that nothing had happened.
I told him I'd clean it, he said no, he'd clean it, then we started arguing again and I told him to just leave and enjoy your day over there playing bass and he stormed out again, slamming the door again.
I threw his bag of clothes outside and we exchanged unpleasantries and he left.
I cried while I swept and then stopped to come in here and ask for some prayer warriors to please pray for me today.
I am having a really rough time now and I really just wanted to clean a little bit and then take a nap with my husband.
I feel like if I am not the perfect little happy, bubbly cheerleader then anything that happens that day is MY fault because he knows that I am not feeling well and that makes it easier to blame shift. Especially if I tell him that I am tired- he will find a way to kind of blame that for anything that happens between us.
I told him that I was NOT going to let him turn this around on me, and I had no idea what the problem suddenly was.
If I had offered for him to come have sex with me in the bed instead of take a nap with me, he would have stayed.
But since he didn't feel like taking a nap, and didn't want to make good on his promises to help me with the yardwork that I always do on my own and to hang the lights, he wanted to leave. And since he knew that he had talked all this big talk just the other day about how he now wanted to be more responsible with his time and do more to help me around the house, he wasn't leaving because he didn't want to do the work- he was leaving because he didn't have anything to do here. (
) (As the argument later progressed, he then claimed he had wanted to leave straight up because of me.)
He kept saying he needed to leave to go back to his boss' house because he didn't know what to do here (even though we have been discussing him finally helping me with our yard work I always do, and hanging up some security lights which he bought the screws for about 2 months ago.) I told him that he was an adult, and that I didn't care what he did while I was taking a nap- He could do whatever his heart desired! He got even more defensive and angry whenever I told him that he could do anything he wanted. I didn't mention that he could do all of the things we were JUST talking about doing yesterday. It was so obvious that he was avoiding and he was very defensive and angry already, so I just let it go. Or tried to.
Please pray for me for peace and for a forgiving and loving heart.
I need these things so badly today.
Thank You, God for helping my husband and I.
*UPDATE*
Well, he came back because I asked him to because I am SICK AND TIRED of him tearing me up and then running off and leaving me here alone to deal with all of this hurt that he causes me. He hurts my heart over and over and over and over again. He's pissy and acting like a spoiled little brat, but then tries to convince me that I'M being "bitchy and moaning". Hmmm... I have been totally nice.... We didn't talk much because I am depressed today and really needed just some time with someone who loves me.
Sorry that I am obviously sad and jut trying to make it through the day!
I cleaned with him, thanked him for sweeping, mopping, and cleaning off the tables... told him that I was thinking of taking a nap and invited him to come into the bedroom with me.... Bitchy and moaning? I guess by me sitting quietly and trying to hide the tears that kept coming out of my eyes, then getting up to clean and then asking him if he'd like to take a nap with me, that means "I am bitchy and moaning". Him making me feel like I have been acting in a way that I haven't so that he can blame me for whatever is going on is his typical behavior. But it still hurts and frustrates me to the point where I wonder what I am doing wasting my time with this manipulative little liar.
I asked him why he was making excuses to leave and pretending like he had nothing to do here at the house, and that ended in him telling me that "There was nothing here at the house for him". (YES, that's exactly what he said and that's exactly what he meant- he didn't consider me and the dogs to be anything for him here at this house. I confirmed with him 3 times to make sure I understood him correctly because as I told him, it was confusing and really hurt me to hear that. I also asked if he meant that he wanted a divorce)
I asked him what he meant and he said "Just that, There's nothing here for me."
I said, "What about me and the dogs? What about all this work you said you wanted to do over here? Don't you see how you repeatedly telling me right now that there is nothing here at this house for you is very confusing to me since you are always telling me that you love me and the dogs and can't wait to come back home? I don't understand."
And his responses were , "No, it's not. It's not confusing." Also, with a sarcastic, weird smile. (
)He has now already sent me a text claiming that he didn't say that. It's always easier for him to just deny saying or doing something, or twist it around enough to where I should have no reason to be hurt over it than it is to acknowledge apologize to me for it. He is now saying that what he said was "There is nothing for him to DO here at the house." No. We talked about it and I confirmed several times what he meant by that. I started crying again while he was telling me that "yes I understood him correctly." So no, you can't send a text 20 minutes later claiming that's not what you said....No. ... No.
When I just can't handle hearing his lies and the transparent, ridiculous, obvious ways he tries to manipulate the conversation instead of just being REAL and HONEST about what is happening, what he is doing, or what he has said, I raise my voice. This is then his excuse to bail on the conversation because it's easier to do that than to stick it out with me and figure it out (He yells, also, by the way.) So then it's my fault that we can't communicate and that the conversation is over. In actuality, it's because he is contradicting himself and hurting me tremendously in the process, and backs himself into a corner.
I tried as hard as I could to remain calm while I stood there and listened to the Master of Lies and Manipulation, but when he realized that everything he was saying made absolutely no sense when compared to all of the things he had been saying in the past and I kept asking him what happened to him and what was wrong with him today, he told me this "was pointless." In response to that, I said under my breath that I just wished he was dead and he heard me.
I followed him out to the jeep to immediately apologize to him and to tell him that I did NOT wish he was dead.
I explained to him that I did NOT ever wish that he would ever DIE, but when I just said that, what I mean is that I wish that we had never met.
I said I was really sorry for saying that.
He wouldn't accept my apology, so it became obvious to me from his previous behavioral patterns that what I had just said was now going to be the reason and excuse for him to run off and not have to finish the conversation.
Seeing his unwillingness to forgive me was enough to make me slam the jeep door shut and just say "**** IT!"
He left but I was glad that he was leaving. I just can't handle the manipulation, avoidance, and denial whenever I point out to him that there's a better way to handle something or when I tell him I am confused and don't understand why he says and then does two totally different things. He gets REALLY pissed when I point out any time he contradicts himself, then clouds the issue with words, random questions, blame shifting, and doing or saying anything to direct my question to him back at me somehow instead of answering it or admitting it was a dumb thing to say and he didn't really mean it.
Has anyone out there ever experienced such chaos for seemingly no reason?
And as usual, my husband makes a mess then bails when he can't explain himself or doesn't want to simply say "I'm sorry" for something stupid he has said or done.
I have just tried to reach out to someone to come over to my house to pray with me, but she hasn't responded.
I am just trying to keep myself together, I don't know what i did to deserve all of this today.
I just wanted to see my husband and spend time with someone who I thought loved me.
But I guess it didn't benefit him enough to really make the effort, so sabotaging the entire day after an hour of being here and then taking off to do as he pleases with the rest of his day is pretty typical.
I need someone to please pray for me and tell me that God will send me someone in my life who loves me and doesn't want to cause me pain.
My heart can't take this anymore.
**********************************************************************************************************************************
I actually had typed up a prayer request to post today for my husband, but put it on hold when he arrived at the door because I wanted him to have my attention and to not be doing anything on the laptop.
I have a very "who cares- nothing matters anyways" emotion right now, but I guess I'll post it anyway, I just saved it in my notepad on my computer when he came to the door:
Please pray that my husband finds a job.
He has been on the job search for 2+ years.
In the meantime, he works as an assistant handyman with someone and they sometimes go weeks without working at all.
He recently got a client or two that he is helping set up a website and do financial bookkeeping for, but one hasn't paid him at all, and the other one is not fulfilling the agreement he made with my husband to pay him in installments each week.
I do the best I can to pay the bills (my phone, our internet, the electricity, etc) and take care of the dogs' food, vet visits, and monthly meds as well as groceries every month and I am thankful to God that I can do so. Thank you, God for helping me stay afloat in the midst of all of this pain, heartache, and turmoil.
We have been behind in rent pretty much since we got married and I am getting worried that our super-nice landlord is going to run out of patience with us and kick us out of the house that we are renting.
We have separated several times over his lying and denial about his PA - I think this is the third time in the last year 1/2 that he has gone to live with his boss - and every time we separate, I buy him groceries and cook huge meals for him to take over there and eat for lunch and dinner because he doesn't like to cook over there for himself and money is low. But I am not doing that anymore.
While we are separated, he lives with his boss completely rent and bill-free and since the only vehicle that we have between us is my truck, he is also allowed to use his boss' jeep pretty much anytime he wants.
He has so much to be grateful for.
I do, too.
I don't mean to sound ungrateful and I really want to use this opportunity to recognize how faithful God is in keeping our family safe and a roof over our heads.
Thank you, God for all of your blessings!!
But please pray that my husband finds a job soon.
The pressure and stress of him not working at all is starting to eat away at my day-to-day happiness.
I am finding it more and more difficult to remain positive and encouraging. I am starting to feel like there is no point. In anything.
I loathe money and all that it represents, yet I am thinking about money constantly and am so sick of it.
I am 34 years old and have been living on my own since I was still in highschool, and worked and put myself through college, so financial stresses are nothing new to me.
Please pray for me that I do not start to get too discouraged.
Please pray for my husband that he gets a job.
