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Post by Will on Mar 21, 2024 14:07:48 GMT -7
Hi Kevin,
no, was going to a SLAA meeting for a while, but they insisted on filming it for Zoom and having other attendees on Zoom. Living life through screens is a bit of a trigger for me and something I'm trying to move away from. If I could find an offline, 'organic' meeting, without the technology, I would probably go
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,741
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 23, 2024 5:42:32 GMT -7
I ask about meetings because the need for connection is an important one. I define connection as other men in my life looking out for my personal and spiritual well-being. I had very few friends when growing up. And as I turned 20, I had few social skills and my friendships were shallow. I cannot say that I had adequate connection in my life until I joined SAA at the age of 23. Lack of connection is a big problem; a bigger one than my porn use. And to ignore that problem is putting myself at a severe disadvantage when it comes to my decision to stop P and MB. Now, I have lots of men in my life. They know me and support me on this journey. I don't consider myself a people person. But I still need people. BG has a few weekly zoom meetings. Ɖσмιиιc and I recently started a new Strength in Numbers meeting on Tuesdays 7:30AM EST. There is a Wednesday Rogue Christian call at 10AM EST. Arwel leads a Thursday men's call on Thursdays 1:00PM EST. And a BG couples call immediately following at 2:00PM EST. There's also a BG men's Whatapp chat group with about 10 guys currently part of. If you decide you want to attend any of those, let me know.
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Post by Will on Mar 23, 2024 12:47:59 GMT -7
Thanks bro! I do appreciate it. It's very wise what you say about needing people. We all do. It was a big turning point in my fight against porn around 2016 when I was first able to share with Christians at church what I was going through. Made a big difference. That, along with joining BG, doing voluntary work at a Gospel Mission and reading 'Sexual Healing' by David Kyle Foster happened around the same time (within a year of me of me being water baptised), and that's when I first began to make some progress in staying sober (before then had had a max of about 2 weeks!) Because now I try to share my struggles with porn with anyone I'm seriously involved with in Christian community, I do have a pretty good network around who are looking out for me, God bless them. So not feeling that disconnected. As I said the Zoom thing is just a bit of a trigger for me personally, I feel the need for physical gathering together with other believers. My biggest problem right now is that I'm being attacked from outside (rather than my own porn lust from inside, hasn't gone away completely, but seems to have been vanquished fundamentally, praise God) by the antics of a redneck neighbour who moved in about 6 months ago. It seems to be a really demonic thing, like playing extremely loud, demonic rock music right next to my window, keeping me from sleeping at night with loud phonecalls that go on for 10 hours (gaming I think), sitting out front drinking beer, etc. I've asked the Lord what is the meaning of this constant spiritual harassment and I believe he's told me it's the enemy trying to destabilise my sobriety, but it doesn't make it much easier to endure. So I'd appreciate your prayers for that. As for maintaining sobriety, praise God it's 8 weeks today, and so far seems like the devil has been defeated in this area. I'm looking forward to closer spiritual communion with God soon, as I have a plan to seek his face more wholeheartedly. A Christian brother of mine has recently been baptised in Holy Spirit, and the change in him is quite extraordinary (I would say it seems like he has gained about 10 years of Christian maturity overnight), and he recommends me to keep seeking this blessing until I receive it. I also intend to do what in AA they call a 'full inventory' (step 4 I think), in accordance with this amazing sermon by Robert Morris: sermons-online.org/robert-morris/repentance. So praise God am going okay, and thank you again for your advice and help, I really appreciate it. God bless you brother!
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Post by Will on Mar 30, 2024 2:49:04 GMT -7
9 weeks update. Well it's 9 weeks for me at the end of today. These weeks seem to be going extremely slowly. Today I think was the closest to stumbling I've been during those 9 weeks. I have been relaxing my 'no video' rule a bit, which is kind of dumb. But have also felt like it has not been a problem. If I feel like there might be a problem, I can retreat back into 'no video'. And that happened today. The old, usual tricks from the enemy were all present: Saturday, bored, TIRED (though I didn't realise it), having time to kill. Was watching some videos when I got the incredible brainwave, 'wow, wouldn't it be a great idea to throw on an old movie? Haven't seen one of those for a while. Yeah, that would be great!' Thankfully, the Holy Spirit gently reminded me that that is basically a guaranteed fall into porn use. Instead I lay down for a rest. Have now woken up, slept for about 7 hours!!!! Had not realised how tired I was. Praise God, that pitfall was avoided, but it was a good reminder how weak I am and how deceived I can be, even after 9 weeks. Praise God, He is good.
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Post by Will on Apr 5, 2024 13:40:06 GMT -7
Well I busted somewhat. Not completely but I reset my sobriety date. Actually in a super-weird way it was kind of good. I was getting arrogant. Getting self-righteous and annoyed with God for not giving me this blessing I was wanting. Stumbled into sin, my SELF-confidence in the gutter, humbled and remembering that my best efforts are filthy rags, that He doesn't bless because we're good, He blesses because HE'S good, and immediately the blessing was granted, ha ha! The Lord's victory, that I have part in through my belonging to Him, NOT 'my' victory. And that's the victory I need. Because I'm NOT good, lol! I think God has a sense of humour. I still believe the addiction has left me, praise God. This was just a reminder.
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Post by Ɖσмιиιc on Apr 19, 2024 20:12:54 GMT -7
I am glad to hear God's goodness. I hope we have our spiritual armor through prayer today and always.
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