KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,741
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on May 1, 2023 12:48:04 GMT -7
Thanks for sharing Will. I commend your desire to have a zero-tolerance policy on lust and fantasy in your life. You've lost some battles. But it doesn't mean you have to lose the war. I would see this as a learning experience and ask God what He's trying to teach me. On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is no struggles with lust and 10 is acting out with porn, what would you say your toxicity level is sitting at? If that was me, I would've probably bounced my eyes so quickly and so reactively that I wouldn't have noticed her expression. Custody of the eyes takes practice. One tip from me, I don't focus on diverting my eyes from just the young girls. I treat all women the same. I just don't look at any of them. No matter if they're 16 or 116. I choose to avoid lust not as a favor to the girls, or to my wife, or even to God. I choose to avoid lust as a favor to myself. Lust primarily hurts myself. So I'm intrinsically motivated to stop. I don't win every battle with lust and fantasy. But with practice, I'm winning more battles than I'm losing. And when I lose a battle, I take it as confirmation that my flesh cannot be trusted.
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Post by Will on May 1, 2023 22:43:29 GMT -7
Breakthrough! Praise God today have finally experienced some joy and blessings from the Lord. The period of suffering (God willing) is over, for now. Boy it feels good! Day 32
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Post by Will on May 1, 2023 22:48:46 GMT -7
Hi Kevin!
Hmmm toxicity level. Well my conscious toxicity level is probably a 6-7. My unconscious toxicity level is not good! Had a dream last night where I literally (in the dream) waited til everyone was out of the house then put in a tape (an old VHS!) of some kind of nudity movie and watched it. Then someone came back unexpectedly and I had to turn it off, taking special care that I hit all the right buttons so the person wouldn't see what I had been watching!
Yeah I do also do that with older women, and you're right that can be a danger to think of them as not a temptation. But generally I don't have the same problems with them.
I like what you say about doing it for yourself. That might help if I can think of it that way, thanks!
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,741
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on May 2, 2023 0:24:49 GMT -7
6-7 is really hot! I commend your honesty. It took me awhile to understand that having a toxicity level too high for too long was going to lead my flesh to a relapse. Anyways, a new day is coming. Bringing the TL down to a lower level with the help of God would make this a whole lot easier for you.
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Post by Will on May 2, 2023 22:20:00 GMT -7
Thanks man, yeah it's a lot better now. Down to about a 4-5 I would say : )
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Post by Will on May 3, 2023 18:51:24 GMT -7
34 days! : )
Am aware that I'm entering into the 'danger zone' now. Of course there's always the danger, but I know that when sexual sobriety kind of goes off into my peripherals, kind of in the background, when it's been long enough that I start somewhat taking it for granted, thinking about other things more (and particularly start whining and being more concerned about other things in life and other stresses, that I wouldn't even have the capacity to be involved with if I wasn't sober) that something can happen that can catch me off guard. It's good to come on here every two days to post. That discipline at least keeps sobriety front and centre in my mind. Hallelujah! It's good to be clean! (or at least clean to the point of not watching porn and masturbating!) In 4 days (God willing) it will be 5 1/2 weeks, the same as the run I had before Xmas, and so the longest time clean for a year. Thank you Jesus.
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Post by Will on May 4, 2023 20:46:10 GMT -7
Busted Got too tired and frustrated after long week at work
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,741
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on May 5, 2023 5:03:37 GMT -7
Hmm this looks really good! So far the no video method is working well for me, and don't really want to mess that up. But I'll make a deal with you - if I stumble into porn again, I'll read this and give it a real go. I commend you for your honesty Will. I'm going to hold you to your promise. Read Easy Peasy. Keep going to SLAA too. Never stop learning.
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Post by Will on Mar 8, 2024 22:52:23 GMT -7
Hey folks!
How are you all? Well, Kevin, I totally did not live up to my end of the bargain on the Easy Peasy thing!
On the plus side, I'm being blessed with sobriety with the no video rule, so that's good (6 wks today). But I guess I should stick to our deal. Where do I find the Easy Peasy book again?
Thanks, Will
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Post by Will on Mar 8, 2024 23:41:58 GMT -7
*Lol ok the link's right in your signature at the bottom!
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,741
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 10, 2024 6:28:49 GMT -7
Hi Will, It's nice to hear back from you. Welcome back. Just so you know. EasyWay was able to address one of my problems; the brainwashing. I was deluded to think that porn and lust had value. And that by quitting I was making a sacrifice. Lies. But as I was mentioning, the brainwashing was just one of my problems. And it was a big one. But I still more problems to expose and address within me. I know that you will to. But Jesus was right when He said if you seek, you will find. Welcome back.
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Post by Will on Mar 10, 2024 23:59:16 GMT -7
Thanks Kevin!
Yeah interesting about the brainwashing. The way it happens with me is, the more I'm walking with God the more put off I am by that sordid world, because God's Kingdom and life in Him are just so much better. I know it will keep me away from Him so I don't want anything to do with it.
But of course, that's not always the case! Just when I think that's the new 'normal', BOOM all of a sudden somehow there's massive temptation from out of nowhere - in my own mind I mean. So have to be vigilant.
But very gratified to see how little I 'want' to go back to that stuff. Truly, the things of the world grow 'strangely dim'. Found myself not WANTING to watch a sports match last night. It was a huge match, and I had given myself a pass for it, after guaging that I was strong enough in the spirit to do so. But I ended up not watching it. I just know, that there's POSSIBILITIES within that entertainment option, that could be detrimental to me. An aggressive pop-up commercial, some sports presenter - and all of a sudden I'm triggered. I'd just rather not take the chance. And not even so much out of fear, I just don't WANT to, because what I've got going with a clean life is so much better.
Still one day at a time. I know that all of it can go away in 5 minutes. But praise God I'm being blessed with sobriety at the moment.
Tell me, how successful is the 'de-brainwashing' for you?
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,741
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 11, 2024 6:49:59 GMT -7
I'm very happy that God brought that resource to my attention. And although my flesh subconsciously desires to fornicate myself, my soul is now consciously aware of how deluded I was. I really thought I was making a sacrifice and missing out on fun by quitting. At times, I still have to remind myself the truth that lust, fantasy, and porn have no value. This sin doesn't fill a void. It creates a void leaving me wanting more. So I consciously know that I'm living my best life without lust.
Yet my flesh is still weak. And that's the truth. So Jesus' reminds us not to trust our flesh. But to walk in the spirit and stay connected to Him.
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Post by Will on Mar 20, 2024 0:34:55 GMT -7
Happy to get to 7 and a half weeks today. This is the longest sobriety have had for about 2 years. God is good.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,741
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 21, 2024 11:00:08 GMT -7
Are you currently going to SLAA or similar support meetings?
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