Post by Will on Dec 30, 2016 23:53:41 GMT -7
Hi guys,
just registered and thought would post here as it seems to be the thing to do. Heard about Blazing Grace through a sermon on sermonaudio and thought would check it out as Pornography is the biggest problem in my life and I'm really seeking ways to end its hold over me.
I'm single and turning 39 in a few months. I was born again and became a Christian about 11 years ago. Have been addicted to porn for nine years. That probably sounds strange and it is, I guess. Hard to explain except that thinking sinfully about sex and women is something that I have had with me intensely since I was a child, certainly since the age of about 11, but for various reasons this manifested mainly in a lot of fantasy before I was a Christian. And I'm sorry to say a big part of that was because God blessed me with my first real long-term girlfriend a couple of years after I accepted Christ. This new level of physical relationship led to pornography use and unfortunately that has stuck.
I'm aware that this problem comes wholly out of selfishness and have been blessed in the last week or so to have God reveal to me one reason why He has not delivered me from this addiction before now, though I pray about it constantly, is because my prayers are also somewhat for selfish reasons. I think I have to know the Lord Jesus Christ my Saviour better, and then I will have 'Godly sorrow' and want to avoid sexual sin because of how it hurts Him, rather than the 'worldly sorrow' of how it affects me and my life.
My addiction sounds a lot like Freever's on his 'I think I need help' thread, that I just read. His description of youtube>r-rated movies>porn is very familiar. My longest period clean from porn in the last nine years has been 5 and a half weeks, after I got baptised just over a year ago. This last year I think my top score was 3 weeks 4 days, pretty pathetic I know.
I have been to SA and have the white book, but became uncomfortable with it because honestly found it to be not really Christian enough, some of the members there seemed to be more focused on new age self-help than Christ.
Generally I don't have many problems during the working week. I work hard and it is stressful and demanding. It is at the weekend, when a feeling of complacency and self-satisfaction creep in, combined with exhaustion and lack of sleep - possibly my main weakpoint against this sin, particularly on Friday nights and Saturday, where I have problems. The rule of no laptop during weekends is a great one, but unfortunately for some reason this often gets broken out of boredom, and that's where the problems start.
Living alone and single, and trying to save money and stay away from other temptations like alcohol and bars that were a big part of my pre-Christian life, is also very isolating, and finding myself indoors with nothing to do on days off is definitely the biggest problem for me. I had nearly 3 weeks clean before Christmas but with a week off work, I have bottomed out again this last week.
I attend a Baptist Church whose members are mostly older, because of my fundamentalist beliefs (ironic I know). Although I revealed my problem to the Pastor who baptised me when I joined, basically it does not feel like something I can really bring up with most of the other members. Mostly I just feel like a hypocrite and that maybe I should even leave that Church so that the Lord does not find fault with them because of me.
I genuinely want to serve the Lord Jesus Christ with my life and do believe that the lack of a true service heart - wanting to get clean for Him not me - is where I may have been going wrong. I am going to seek the Lord in prayer and ask Him for a more intimate relationship, to know Him better, so that His goodness alone becomes the motivation.
Thank you for reading and for this resource. This is day 2 for me.
Will
just registered and thought would post here as it seems to be the thing to do. Heard about Blazing Grace through a sermon on sermonaudio and thought would check it out as Pornography is the biggest problem in my life and I'm really seeking ways to end its hold over me.
I'm single and turning 39 in a few months. I was born again and became a Christian about 11 years ago. Have been addicted to porn for nine years. That probably sounds strange and it is, I guess. Hard to explain except that thinking sinfully about sex and women is something that I have had with me intensely since I was a child, certainly since the age of about 11, but for various reasons this manifested mainly in a lot of fantasy before I was a Christian. And I'm sorry to say a big part of that was because God blessed me with my first real long-term girlfriend a couple of years after I accepted Christ. This new level of physical relationship led to pornography use and unfortunately that has stuck.
I'm aware that this problem comes wholly out of selfishness and have been blessed in the last week or so to have God reveal to me one reason why He has not delivered me from this addiction before now, though I pray about it constantly, is because my prayers are also somewhat for selfish reasons. I think I have to know the Lord Jesus Christ my Saviour better, and then I will have 'Godly sorrow' and want to avoid sexual sin because of how it hurts Him, rather than the 'worldly sorrow' of how it affects me and my life.
My addiction sounds a lot like Freever's on his 'I think I need help' thread, that I just read. His description of youtube>r-rated movies>porn is very familiar. My longest period clean from porn in the last nine years has been 5 and a half weeks, after I got baptised just over a year ago. This last year I think my top score was 3 weeks 4 days, pretty pathetic I know.
I have been to SA and have the white book, but became uncomfortable with it because honestly found it to be not really Christian enough, some of the members there seemed to be more focused on new age self-help than Christ.
Generally I don't have many problems during the working week. I work hard and it is stressful and demanding. It is at the weekend, when a feeling of complacency and self-satisfaction creep in, combined with exhaustion and lack of sleep - possibly my main weakpoint against this sin, particularly on Friday nights and Saturday, where I have problems. The rule of no laptop during weekends is a great one, but unfortunately for some reason this often gets broken out of boredom, and that's where the problems start.
Living alone and single, and trying to save money and stay away from other temptations like alcohol and bars that were a big part of my pre-Christian life, is also very isolating, and finding myself indoors with nothing to do on days off is definitely the biggest problem for me. I had nearly 3 weeks clean before Christmas but with a week off work, I have bottomed out again this last week.
I attend a Baptist Church whose members are mostly older, because of my fundamentalist beliefs (ironic I know). Although I revealed my problem to the Pastor who baptised me when I joined, basically it does not feel like something I can really bring up with most of the other members. Mostly I just feel like a hypocrite and that maybe I should even leave that Church so that the Lord does not find fault with them because of me.
I genuinely want to serve the Lord Jesus Christ with my life and do believe that the lack of a true service heart - wanting to get clean for Him not me - is where I may have been going wrong. I am going to seek the Lord in prayer and ask Him for a more intimate relationship, to know Him better, so that His goodness alone becomes the motivation.
Thank you for reading and for this resource. This is day 2 for me.
Will