Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2015 14:28:05 GMT -7
Well, after spending some time on here, I felt it was time for me to do my own accountability log. I've spent time writing my own journal, but it is one thing to write and rad to oneself, it's another to share with others who understand and support. So far, I've been about a week without looking at porn and masturbating. I take this as being the fact of my wife confronting me and the issues that come with that. So unknown if this is self-imposed. So the week was fine, only now the temptation are starting to come. Seeing someone while out, or the people who come in to work that we have to help is when the temptation hits. I've found that I've had to stop and just pray to give me the strength to focus elsewhere and fight the urges to look at anything which will contribute to the lustful thought. So today is a week, here is to tomorrow.
On an added note: I look at some of my posts and I wonder if I am showing a simplistic view of what's going on, I would like to add that all of this is hard. Hard to fess up to, hard to deal with and truly hard to get me arms around. Still finding it difficult to let the Lord in due to it being outside of my comfort zone, but I am doing better daily because I know I can not do this by myself. Thank you. |
|
KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,756 
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
|
Post by KevinesKay on Dec 21, 2015 19:32:25 GMT -7
Marc,
Congrats on the week of sobriety from P and MB. What a great gift. And it's really encouraging to see that you're starting an accountability thread. Having one sure helps me a lot. God bless, brother.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2015 14:54:25 GMT -7
Another day and another addition to the log. Today wasn't bad, but it doesn't help when you have co-workers he keep pointing out people who they think is attractive and not tell them why you are not looking. As a kicker, all of my co-workers are female. For those times I've felt tempted I just had to sit at my desk and pray to myself. So it wasn't a bad day, but the issues of dealing with those triggers that bring about lustful thoughts and the slippery slope that comes along with it is starting to come about. Yet they say, God only give's that which you can handle and provides a way for you to fight temptation (pardon my paraphrase). So I just take it as a challenge. I feel tempted, I focus on finding the out of the situation and if there is a way to avoid it the next go around, address that and go forth.
Considering the severity of the issue, I feel that this might be very simplistic, but then, it is helping me keep my focus and stay on the right path. So I didn't look at porn and still haven't masturbated. Since I am in a job where I interact with a lot of people, I am fighting the lustful thoughts now, but knowing that this an issue that can start me to fail, I am putting myself in situations where I minimize this and work on this through prayer.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2015 16:08:49 GMT -7
Another day and another addition to the log. Today wasn't bad, but it doesn't help when you have co-workers he keep pointing out people who they think is attractive and not tell them why you are not looking. As a kicker, all of my co-workers are female. For those times I've felt tempted I just had to sit at my desk and pray to myself. So it wasn't a bad day, but the issues of dealing with those triggers that bring about lustful thoughts and the slippery slope that comes along with it is starting to come about. Yet they say, God only give's that which you can handle and provides a way for you to fight temptation (pardon my paraphrase). So I just take it as a challenge. I feel tempted, I focus on finding the out of the situation and if there is a way to avoid it the next go around, address that and go forth. Considering the severity of the issue, I feel that this might be very simplistic, but then, it is helping me keep my focus and stay on the right path. So I didn't look at porn and still haven't masturbated. Since I am in a job where I interact with a lot of people, I am fighting the lustful thoughts now, but knowing that this an issue that can start me to fail, I am putting myself in situations where I minimize this and work on this through prayer. Man I people can be so insensitive once they know where our weaknesses lay. I once had a co-worker who was a member of a ****** club and would constantly invite me up to the resort on weekends. I finally looked him in the eye one day and told him the truth. I'm a Christian male and what your doing is putting a stumbling block in my path. If it doesn't stop I can and will bring you up on sexual hararassment charges because I have repeatedly turned down your invites and yet you see it fit to continue. Well he got the point after criticizing us self righteous bible bangers. Lol I had to laugh that one off. Have you tried telling your co-worker where you stand on the issue? Obviously it bothers you so my friend take a stand. Pray about and ask others for their input but the truth will always set you free. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2015 7:29:19 GMT -7
They do not necessarily know what is going on, but it is a rough and tumble type of place. More or less they do not constantly do this, just yesterday was harder to handle then most. If and when it gets overboard, I will say I am not comfortable with the comments. On a good note, so far the day is progressing well with no issues, keep me in your prayers.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2015 8:47:07 GMT -7
I am praying for you Marc. It is so difficult to interact with people that are in the world. However that is what we are called to do. We are to be salt and light. So next time it happens stand in the gap and in a loving way tell them that it is not appropriate for a work place inviroment. Also mention that it could be considered sexual harrassment as John said he did with his co-worker.
Stay strong and keep leaning on God.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 23, 2015 10:25:29 GMT -7
Thank you everyone.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 28, 2015 14:55:48 GMT -7
Evening everyone. It has been a couple of days since I last added to the log and luckily everything is going alright. No issues or desire to look at porn so far, but the lustful thoughts is what's killing me. So I am forever mindful as to where I am at to not cause an issue and if an issue begins, to take myself out of the situation and pray about it to focus my attention elsewhere. I am uncertain if I am even making head way with wife on that front, and at times I debate if I am even want to but I know for my family it is something I need to do. So as with all things, I just need to take things one day at a time and go from there. If it sounds like things are peachy, they aren't, I am by nature not the easiest to share and I don't want to bombard the board and be a problem for the board. Thank you for your time.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 28, 2015 16:20:55 GMT -7
Bomb away! We will let you know if you become to much to handle. I think you will be surprised that you aren't the only one when you do decide to share more. It isn't just the sin that needs to be dragged into the light of God's love, mercy, and forgiveness but your entire being. That is the only way to heal and to make a lasting change. You are starting to do that.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2015 6:10:54 GMT -7
Man, the thought process is the hardest and the most difficult to get under control because this addiction begins and thrives in our mind. One thing I did early on and am considering doing again is to create W.O.W. cards (Weapons of War or Words if Wisdom). They were 3x5 index cards with Scriptures typed on them. I would keep them in my back pocket and if the temptation was too hot I would pull out the cards and read the scriptures out loud until I felt strong enough to go on. Perhaps you might try this until your thoughts subside?
|
|
KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,756
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
|
Post by KevinesKay on Dec 29, 2015 19:20:29 GMT -7
Mark,
I'm really encouraged by your progress. Maintaining custody of our eyes and minds is a tremendous challenge. I haven't perfected that one yet myself. But I commend you for acknowledging that behavior in your life. It's a step in the right direction. Because we need to draw the line somewhere, and that line belongs in our minds and our hearts. Great job.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2015 12:47:49 GMT -7
Afternoon everyone. Not the worst of days for sure, but not necessarily the best. As things go, I notice that as long as I am focused at work, I am not tempted. If there is a lull, I can feel it there, but I know that I am still in that period of being so overly cautious that I recognize it and can fight it easier. I recall of my slips in the past being from those times when I thought I was on solid ground then I opt to do one thing and t snowballs from there. You know, the same issues that I am now finding out that others have gone through.
Unfortunately I am still annoyed with my wife. I know she has every right to be critical and questioning of my actions. Yet it still makes me short with her in regards to answering her questions especially when she asks the same thing repeatedly. I have to start praying on this one, since I know this anger is keeping me and my wife from getting closer and I the more I think on it, I know it is the shame of what I've done.
So, today everything is okay for now, just need to pray more on what I need to do and move forward on this.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2015 16:13:50 GMT -7
Watch the movie war room by affirm films together. It deals exactly with what your feeling here.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2016 9:58:58 GMT -7
Another weekend down. No I am getting into the phase of lustful thoughts due to not being able to do anything, so this should be fun. *roll eyes* As with all things, I will take this as a test and pray and drive on. News Year Eve was not necessarily hectic, just frustrating. Family wanted to watch a News Year Eve special and when a questionable commercial comes up, I leave to go downstairs. Then my wife comes storming down stairs and questions me if this will be a trigger and should I just stay downstairs. After telling her it isn't, and I will stay downstairs just in case, I get grilled again because a I take my backpack downstairs so I am not coming back and forth. So a couple of things, yes it does look questionable that I take my backpack downstairs, which had my books to read since I am not doing anything downstairs. No problem with being questioned about that, I am more p!ssed that I remove myself from a situation that could remotely be an issue and I get chewed out for doing so.
So yes, I do take the fact I've failed in the past and any of my actions can look suspect. What I am getting sick of is when I am trying to do the right thing, getting hounded for it. Okay vent over.
As in all things, there are ups and downs, but I am getting through it. I spend more time wondering what is going to come at me from right field that I have no control over and getting blamed and hounded on. This addiction truly does ruin all aspects of life if it goes on for so long.
|
|
KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,756
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
|
Post by KevinesKay on Jan 4, 2016 19:05:14 GMT -7
Family wanted to watch a News Year Eve special and when a questionable commercial comes up, I leave to go downstairs. Then my wife comes storming down stairs and questions me if this will be a trigger and should I just stay downstairs. After telling her it isn't, and I will stay downstairs just in case, I get grilled again because a I take my backpack downstairs so I am not coming back and forth. Great job, Marc, in removing yourself from the triggering situation. Praise God. I can relate to your experience with your wife. It can be very challenging for a wife to adjust to the changes that we PAs must go through to recover. And rebuilding trust can be a long process. It may take awhile, but it is possible for a couple to work and stand together through this. Lord, Help Marc and his wife as they walk together in this journey toward wholeness. Grant Marc patience with his wife as she copes with this hard truth. Bless their marriage. And may their relationship and intimacy grow stronger each day. We pray this in Jesus' name. Thank you and Amen. |
|
