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Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2015 9:03:41 GMT -7
Sunday afternoon.
Made it to Easter Sunday Services. That's a first in like 15 years! Was a good service. Invited the wife to go, but she elected not to. Realized on the way hime that 5 weeks from today, she will wake up in her apartment for the first time. I'm thankful things are working out so that she has this opportunity.
No major issues. I've been sober for over a month now. I think that is pretty good seeing as how this is the first time in my life I have ever actually tried to lead a life based on purity--to give up sexual immorality. It has occurred to me over the last 24 hours though that I will most probably never have another sexual experience in my life. That has been eye opening. I suppose there is a chance that my wife and I get back together, but I'd say that is slim. We haven't shared sex in over 4 years as it is. It wouldn't surprise me at all if some stranger sweeps her off her feet and treats her the way she should have always been treated by me.
My only real regret is that I will never know the oneness and intimate sharing as described in the Bible. That makes me sad, but I guess that is also my punishment and the sacrifice I am destined to make because of all my years of living in sexual immorality.
On the bright side, God reached down and touched my heart again today in Church. I know I am on the right path.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 6, 2015 2:01:06 GMT -7
BOM,
I'm trying not to take his porn habit personally. It's the lies that hurt the most. Like me asking him last year, "do you have another phone?" And then looking me straight in the eyes and lying.
I told him it's not he temptation that bothers me as much. It's the lying that hurts.
Thank you for opening up on here. It's helps me to get the man's perspective too.
HS3
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Post by Deleted on Apr 6, 2015 2:06:55 GMT -7
Our church had a service Friday and then early Sunday for Easter. We took our son out of eat for Easter.
Going to CR on Wednesdays is going to be my church service. I have to rest on the weekends b/c I get worn out.
My oldest graduates from homeschooling this year. I am sad in some ways.
Where did all the time go?
I grieve for the lost years with my H. 11 Years of our lives gone b/c of porn. We'll be married 19 years next month. I think we're gonna try to go to the beach for three days like we did last year.
That's what's great about living on the coast. Gosh, we've been married almost 20 years!!
I wish I could've had more kids. Now, I'm collecting cats Lol. My oldest just got a 8 week old brother and sister from the same litter. We now have five cats Lol.
It's like Noah's Ark in my house. We've got a Shi Tzu and a Yorkie who is ten. We had a female Yorkie but we had to put her down when she was five. We'll prolly get another male Shi Tzu when the Yorkie dies and breed them.
Pets are therapy IMO.
HS3
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Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2015 11:57:03 GMT -7
Day 25 of SCF complete. Over 30 days of sobriety.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2015 13:07:12 GMT -7
Awesome BOM. That's a great start. I'm so proud of you!!
Do ya'll have children? I have a girl 18, boy 15 and girl who is almost 13. EEEk, I'll have all teens in June.
My H is coming up on six months. He did have one slip, but I learned last week to focus on the good and not the one slip.
My dad has been sober from alcohol for 30 years. Even tho he's not a Christian, that's still awesome. That sad thing is, he still got Type II Diabetes from the carbs when he was just in his 50s.
I will continue to pray for you and your marriage. May God work miracles in both your lives. He says, "He can do above all that we ask or think."
I can see the change in my H already. He's a lot calmer and he listens to me better. And, I see the joy of life coming back.
I know he struggled for years. He said he would tell God he was going to quit, and he would for a while and then he'd go back. This was before Dday (Discovery Day).
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Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2015 13:28:16 GMT -7
HS3,
Wife has two children. I have two of my own. Stepdaughter lives here in town. Rents our other house from us. She and her mother are starting to get a lot closer which is good. I don't have much of a relationship with my two. Long story.
Sounds like you and your H are well on the road to recovery. Be proud of that. I know that if two people believe in Christ and are determined, they can make it. They just have to work together.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2015 18:10:51 GMT -7
Thank you BOM.
May God continue to bless and help you to stay sober. I know this sounds trite, but I know it's one day at a time.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2015 11:06:35 GMT -7
My wife started packing boxes today. She is now planning to move around the 1st of May.
Didn't make my SAA meeting tonight. Just not feeling quite right. Spending a quiet evening resting in my room.
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KevinesKay
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Posts: 1,741
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Apr 11, 2015 2:25:31 GMT -7
Hey BOM,
I'm sad to hear that your wife is deciding to move forward with her plans. I hope that you will prepare yourself well for that day when she moves out. I will be praying for you. Keep moving forward, though. I'm sure God notices your efforts and He'll guide you through these challenging weeks.
Bless you, brother, and thank you for sharing.
KK
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2015 11:25:37 GMT -7
KK
Its all good. God is driving this train and I'm good with that.
Yesterday was a good day. Got word my dissertation was approved by the school. So, my long journey (almost 6 years) is almost over. I have a few minor changes to make, which I will do tomorrow and then defend the following week. That is it, Defend, then some administrative paperwork and I finally achieve this diploma. One I actually had to work for. I've certainly earned this one.
Also, Wife was offered a part-time job. Sounds like she can work from her new apartment virtually. Perfect for her as she is pretty much a full-time student right now.
Today was pretty good day. Helped wife find some things she plans to take. Got some cleaning done. Getting ready to watch a baseball game and chill.
All in all, as long as I let God drive the train, I do pretty well.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2015 0:12:48 GMT -7
Here is a great verse in Isaiah.
Isaiah 26:3King James Version (KJV)
3 Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.
I am SO sorry your wife is leaving. I'm sure it's triggering you. I will be praying for you and your wife diligently. God is able to do above all that we ask or think.
I didn't go to my Celebrate Recovery meeting on Thursday b/c I had a migraine. But, sometimes I need a break from working on dealing with my grief, anger and eventually forgiveness which is a long process IMO.
I still think it's great that you've helped her. I've read some stories to where the hubby decides to get revenge when she decides to separate.
Take care and God bless your journey.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 12, 2015 0:27:10 GMT -7
Thanks for the kind words HS3.
In all honesty, my wife's leaving is NOT triggering me. And in her words, she is not leaving, we are just taking a break. She honestly doesn't know if this will be permanent or not. She just needs time to be away from me and find herself again. The time alone will do me good as well. It could be a couple months, it could be six months, it could be a year, it could be permanent. God will let us know the right answer. In that I am sure.
I am not angry or hostile. I will help her in every way I can. It is because of me that we are in this situation. Helping her is the least I can do.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2015 9:11:37 GMT -7
Time for another update.
Wife and I had dinner with daughter and her husband last night. Was good to see the kids. Was also a good opportunity to work logistics for wife's move in two weeks. Things are pretty well set for wife to move into her own place.
Another good week as far as sobriety goes. No major issues, though I do find the mind trying to "go there" from time to time. So far, I have been able to consciously focus on Jesus and put those thoughts behind me. I hope this gets easier to do as time goes on.
I'm looking forward to tomorrow. After Church I have lunch with the Pastor. Its a quarterly event he has for newcomers. I'm looking forward to hearing about a men's group and possibly weekly bible study. I've never been involved in either but feel it would be really good for me at this point.
Finally, I completed my degree today. I'm officially done with school and will never have that sword hanging over my head again. Hopefully this allows me to pick up some college teaching jobs so I can afford wife's apartment.
Hope everyone else is doing well.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2015 9:40:45 GMT -7
BOM,
it's good news about your sobriety.
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KevinesKay
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Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Apr 19, 2015 7:54:06 GMT -7
Hey BOM,
You're heading in a good direction. Congrats on completing school. And congrats on getting back into church. And congrats on renewing your relationship with God and understanding the importance of abiding in Jesus.
BOM,
You're starting to gain momentum. That's exciting to hear, because that means you have a better chance for victory. I look forward to hearing how your day went. And your interest on plugging into a men's group at church? Wow! That's going to help you grow in a big way. Outreach is so dramatically important in our recovery. You are wise to expand that part of your life. Most of us men are simply happy with going to church every Sunday. But you know that we need more. Thank you for sharing.
KK
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