KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Dec 6, 2021 9:17:22 GMT -7
Day 42.
Happy Monday!
Work started a little slow, but the day is just getting started. Feeling a little down, but I desire to pray more today and listen to my audio Bible while on the job.
Everyone, have a great sober Monday!
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Post by savedbygrace on Dec 6, 2021 14:55:57 GMT -7
That's a great blessing if you can do that while at work!
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Dec 7, 2021 14:25:31 GMT -7
Day 43. Well, I got some bad news today. The power went out and some places in our house. We had an electrician come over to assess. Previously, some areas in our house we're not wired correctly. And thus, some wires are shorted inside our walls. This will probably cost us thousands of dollars. We get started Thursday.
Meanwhile, I'm not craving porn. I'm not fantasizing or lusting. I'm done. And that is a big, big blessing.
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Post by savedbygrace on Dec 7, 2021 15:03:32 GMT -7
Thankful for your spiritual strength.
Praying your electrician will find the problems and that cost won't be too bad.
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Post by amymine712 on Dec 8, 2021 9:00:18 GMT -7
Day 43. Well, I got some bad news today. The power went out and some places in our house. We had an electrician come over to assess. Previously, some areas in our house we're not wired correctly. And thus, some wires are shorted inside our walls. This will probably cost us thousands of dollars. We get started Thursday. Meanwhile, I'm not craving porn. I'm not fantasizing or lusting. I'm done. And that is a big, big blessing. My hubby taught mechanical engineering. He said to have you go to Wal-Mart and get a proximity tester. It comes in a kit for around 25 bucks. You can use it to find out where you have power and where you don't by following the wiring behind the walls. It just needs to be close and it will beep and light up. He said most electricians won't find the areas right away because it means more money for them. So this will save you labor cost. I am praying for blessing and favor for you in this situation. If you have questions, ask. I will check back tonight.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Dec 10, 2021 15:14:08 GMT -7
Celebrating day 46. It feels good to be sober. I'm enjoying it.
Thank you, Lord.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2021 2:30:09 GMT -7
Thank you Jesus, please bless brother Kevin to keep up the good work. Thank you for helping him and us too. In Jesus' name. Amen.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Dec 14, 2021 16:37:22 GMT -7
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Dec 17, 2021 7:13:17 GMT -7
Quick check in.
So after three days of electrical work, bringing down walls, and opening up ceilings, the total bill came to almost $4000. I knew it would be big. I was warned. Anyways, no desire to act out. I'm done. Yesterday, I painted the kitchen ceiling and installed a fan. Today, I plan to do some touch up painting and install another fan before I go to work.
Celebrating day 52.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Dec 20, 2021 7:53:45 GMT -7
Day 55.
So my toxicity level went up to 5 yesterday. While working at a gig twisting balloons with my wife, there were a number of mothers and grandmothers with their children. And some of them were drunk and being overly friendly if you know what I mean. I got triggered. And I admit that on a handful of occasions, I lost custody of my eyes.
And then afterwards, I went to my daughter's queen ball. She's a junior miss in our city. And with all of the women dressed up, it was challenging for me to stay pure. I did come down to level 4 that night, but I still confess to God and you guys that I wasn't always in control of my eyes and mind yesterday.
Would I have passed the 3 second rule created by SAA? Yes.
Would one say that this is a vast improvement from my behavior from last year? Yes.
Am I feeling tempted to go view some material online that I shouldn't be exposing myself to? No.
Was I successful in bouncing my eyes? No.
Am I happy with myself for yesterday? No.
The bottom line is that, for me, there is only one word to describe the behavior of me checking out someone else's body parts. It's porn. And porn has no value. It does nothing for me. I'm not missing out or depriving myself when abstaining from it. Instead, porn deprives me, and drives me to want more.
I don't want to be like this. Level 5 is not a slip, relapse, or reset of my counter, but it is in the orange, cautionary area. And it's still far away from the reset levels of 9 and 10. But the higher up the levels I go, the more I tend to gravitate towards 10.
Anyways, I do accept God's forgiveness. And I will continue to encourage myself to bring my mind back to it's senses. Reading the Word, meditating on some pertinent scripture passages, praying, will all help to get me in a better state of mind. After a few days of level 4, I should feel better. It's been over 45 days since my TL was above level 4 which impresses me. My recovery path has made a big shift over the past year. I can see the progress. I'll keep posting.
Anyways, have a blessed sober Monday everyone!
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Dec 22, 2021 6:34:44 GMT -7
Day 57. The last few days have been better when it comes to me toxicity level. Level 4. I was right. I just needed to calm myself down a little bit. But so far, so good. I've been able to keep good custody of my eyes in high traffic areas as before. God's been giving me a lot of grace.
Yesterday, I was unusually tired and I quit work early to go home and sleep. My family was concerned. My wife says I usually get this way, sleepy and depressed, during the holidays. I'm hoping that today I won't be so groggy.
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Post by Ɖσмιиιc on Dec 22, 2021 16:49:54 GMT -7
I hope you feel better soon Kevin. Dear Heavenly Father, please give strength to Kevin and please help him to do whatever he needs to do. In Jesus' name. Amen.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Dec 23, 2021 15:12:03 GMT -7
Celebrating day 59.
Re-reading EasyPeasy.
For a long time, even when in recovery, I believed that porn produces pleasure. That is a lie from the devil.
It's a fact that the only pleasure that our addiction offers is the pleasure caused by relieving the withdrawal pangs that were caused by the addiction to begin with.
I'll say it again.
The only pleasure that porn offers is the pleasure of relieving the withdrawal pangs that were caused by porn to begin with.
And that is not pleasure. That's an illusion; a lie; a miserable existence.
Have a blessed day everyone. I'm going to do mine sober.
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Post by Ɖσмιиιc on Dec 23, 2021 19:36:33 GMT -7
Thanks for the insight brother. Good points.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Dec 24, 2021 10:07:59 GMT -7
Merry Christmas to me 🎁
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