KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,741
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 18, 2020 15:49:19 GMT -7
The reason it bothered me is because people will never have lasting victory if they lean solely on other people or natural things. God has to be your main focus to win this battle. It hurts my spirit to know that others are still in the dark about this fact. Once you get your focus right, lasting victory is achievable. That makes a lot of sense, Amy. One of my desires in returning to BG is to reconcile my relationship with the Lord.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,741
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 18, 2020 16:02:02 GMT -7
Celebrating day 106.
A got a flat tire on my car this morning. I can't understand why. It's still got some good tread on it. So I bought some slime to repair it. That should do the trick. Otherwise, tire shopping I will go...
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,741
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 18, 2020 21:11:51 GMT -7
Well, I had to get a new tire. The existing one had an unrepairable gash. And I didn't want to keep driving on my spare. So I installed it tonight. What a bear! This is not how I wanted to spend my evening.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,741
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 22, 2020 15:12:55 GMT -7
Checking in on day 110. It's been a week since the restaurants have been closed. Our governor mandated all businesses and gatherings to shut down except for essential businesses, until at least April 7. Schools are all closed here, probably until next year.
A lot of my friends from around the globe are experiencing the same thing. I'm surprised that most of the US states are not doing the same. But IT'S COMING.
Today, church was cancelled. They did a prerecorded service online that we took part in. But this Covid-19 has already taken a huge toll on people and it's not going away soon.
This is going to be one of those times where my faith will be tested. I'm sure the porn statistics are showing higher use. Not me, not today. I won't be going down easy.
I'll think I'll read my Bible today. ☹
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 22, 2020 20:21:40 GMT -7
Checking in on day 110. It's been a week since the restaurants have been closed. Our governor mandated all businesses and gatherings to shut down except for essential businesses, until at least April 7. Schools are all closed here, probably until next year. A lot of my friends from around the globe are experiencing the same thing. I'm surprised that most of the US states are not doing the same. But IT'S COMING. Today, church was cancelled. They did a prerecorded service online that we took part in. But this Covid-19 has already taken a huge toll on people and it's not going away soon. This is going to be one of those times where my faith will be tested. I'm sure the porn statistics are showing higher use. Not me, not today. I won't be going down easy. I'll think I'll read my Bible today. ☹ God, find a healthy hobby to keep you engaged. But read God's Word first when you wake up, and pray and listen to worship songs and worship the Lord in all you do. Yup. Jesus can help you.
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Post by savedbygrace on Mar 23, 2020 5:53:59 GMT -7
Amen! So many good things to fill our minds with!
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,741
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 24, 2020 15:04:40 GMT -7
I'm just checking in. Day 112
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Post by savedbygrace on Mar 25, 2020 3:39:56 GMT -7
Have a blessed day, my brother!
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,741
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 29, 2020 5:27:38 GMT -7
I will never give up. I know and fully accept that now.
No matter what happens. If I relapse, I will always return. These fantasies I entertain of entering a permanent life of sexual sin in moderation will never come true. I embrace that now. And understanding this is creating a significant rift inside me. It's a good thing.
That's the Holy Spirit working inside me. That's how I know that I'm saved. That no matter how far I stray away from God's path, the Holy Spirit always finds a way to pick me up, lead me to repentance, and put me back in the path that He has for me.
He will not let the Devil snatch me out of His hand.
It is true that my sex addiction has been a super stronghold my entire life. It is also true that the Holy Spirit is even a greater stronghold than the sin within me.
Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,741
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 29, 2020 6:13:14 GMT -7
I feel like I'm seriously coming into this battle armed to the teeth and heavily armored.
This past 100 days was amazing. Last year, cravings and fantasies were constantly on my mind. But I still maintained a streak that lasted over 200 days. That was a miracle because I was losing clarity a lot.
I think how I prepare myself for those moments of unclarity plays a huge role for me. Complete environmental change, radical amputation, out of sight, out of mind. Thinking back, I've taken some major steps in my life to ensure it goes in the right direction.
For me, it's more than just stopping the behavior. It's taking steps to keep myself in clarity as much as possible. Connecting with my family, developing my relationship with Jesus, calling phone buddies, going to CR and church, and checking in on the forum are all ways that help me to stay in clarity.
But one thing that I've learned for myself (and I see in other addicts) is that I lose clarity at times. Sometimes, I'm not at my best. And I lose sight of what's truly important and all I want to do is get my fix. And that's why I don't give myself access to my TV, or the internet, or any app that would be triggering (Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, etc). I'm fine without them. I don't really need them.
There's a void inside me; something that I will work through with the Lord to gain better insight and tools. But for now, I'm safe. I reparent myself and shelter myself from whatever bad influences I'm susceptible to.
100+ days, wow. I don't want to lose it. I have a great opportunity in front of me. This could be the year. I'll try to enjoy it.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,741
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 29, 2020 7:35:37 GMT -7
I'm celebrating and enjoying day 117 today. 🙂
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 29, 2020 9:13:30 GMT -7
Good job and Praise the Lord!
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,741
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Apr 5, 2020 6:57:52 GMT -7
It's been way too long since I've posted.
Since the Shelter in Place order, I've been home a lot more. And more time with the family means less time on the forums.
I had my first Zoom meeting last Tuesday. I'm not really liking it, but it's better than nothing. On Thursday, I had a good phone call with a newbie to CR. On Friday, I celebrated 4 months of sobriety from P and MB. I'm currently just finishing off day 124.
I also watched Star Wars, the Rise of Skywalker, this week. This is the longest I've ever waited to watch a new Star Wars movie. My wife isn't into Star Wars a whole lot. So I had to wait awhile to see it. I loved it.
My son lost his job due to the coronavirus thing. He photographs cars at a dealership, and business has taken a complete standstill. Hopefully, this will all end soon.
Finances have some challenges, but God has been very faithful. We got our income tax return last week and the we'll get my bonus and stimulus very soon.
Plus, we were able to defer my wife's car loan and my son's student loans.
I still have a full time job. 🙂
On the side, my wife has her own facepainting business, and I'm a professional balloon artist. We were making a significant income before the Coronavirus outbreak. But now, there is nothing. And our line of work is taking a serious hit. It will be awhile before it comes back.
Meanwhile, I'm waiting for my Doordash kit to arrive. Once it does, I'm going to make some money delivering food. I've got too much credit card debt to pay.
I'm staying safe keeping my mask and gloves on when shopping. We have a good friend that's very sick with Covid-19. He's at home now, but he's suffering and he's not eating much. His wife and children are being challenged. They took a vacation to Europe and Iraly this year. And he's a pastor and he still held church services in mid March. So they got themselves exposed and exposed others. I hope we can get this under control. When my wife and I were out this week, we noticed that others were careless with social distancing.
But I'm sober. I'm not dealing with any major cravings. Stay strong everyone. And happy sober Sunday!
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,741
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Apr 7, 2020 15:45:59 GMT -7
I'm checking in, day 126. No P, no MB. But thoughts and looks of lust? Well, not so good these past couple of days.
I've been lusting a lot.
It's time to read my Bible. 😩
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,741
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Apr 7, 2020 19:41:58 GMT -7
Tried to do a Zoom meeting today. It turns out that my phone overheats while using it. It could be that all the blocking apps that I've installed are contributing to the problem. But I'm not going to remove them and leave my phone unprotected. My wife says she'll let me use her phone next time. So we'll see. Meanwhile, I'm sticking to daily phone buddies to replace the meeting. That should be a good solution. 🙂
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