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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2015 1:00:45 GMT -7
You can do it, Kevin, with the Lord's assistance. As i said in my log, I believe God commanded me to love and pray for the people I used to watch in porn. You can connect to them on an emotional level like this, viewing them as your brothers and sisters in need of help. You'll find it more difficult to lust and exploit the bodies of your comrades for your own satisfaction. By praying for them you'll realize they're people just like you and you'll stop objectifying them. Also keep in mind that every click on a porn site contributes to empower porn industry to abuse women.
Ask me for helpful links on the truth behind porn industry. I have one you could find helpful to shatter the mirage.
I' be praying for you!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2015 3:05:51 GMT -7
KK,
33-days, keep it going and plan a celebration when you hit 60-days. Gotta have a goal - right? Great work on those love dares - getting tougher as they go on it sounds like.
Blessings,
Nikanor
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,756 
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Feb 8, 2015 2:24:30 GMT -7
Prayer 1 1 1 1 1 1 1
Bible 1 1 1 1 1 1 1
Worship 1 1 1 1
Wife 1 1
Family 1 1 1 1 1 1
Clean 1
Workout
Outreach 1
Here is my To-Do list for the week. 28 points. Not bad.
Doing this is really helping. Gt
For instance, last night I agreed to play a game with my daughter; something I normally would have said no to. I notice that I'm focusing on these extremely vital things much more throughout the day.
However, I still need more in the areas of wife, working out and outreach
Thank you all for your prayers and support.
I plan to make a grateful inventory as well as a goal sheet. I would like to share it with you when I get it done. I'll give myself a week.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2015 10:36:08 GMT -7
KK,
Keep on going. You're doing well. I look forward to the inventory and goal sheet.
Tremendous work,Nikanor
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,756
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Feb 9, 2015 12:06:18 GMT -7
Today's love dare challenges me to list those things I need to ask for forgiveness from.
I need to share them with God and then, with my wife.
1. I've been keeping secrets from her.
2. I take our marriage for granted and neglect her emotional needs.
3. I neglect household chores and responsibilities.
4. I don't do a good job of incorporating God in our marriage; my wife and I don't pray together.
I meant to share some thoughts that came to me when I was avoiding masturbation a several years ago.one was a night plan. Here it is.
do a meditation time for at least 10 minutes just before going to bed pray to God and thank him for the day. play your guitar in worship to him if you want humbly ask not demand that God helps you to sleep soundly at night without masturbating
wear comfortable clothes when going to bed
avoid sleeping on your stomach.
Stay active during the day.
Avoid naps and overly passive behaviors such as listening to the radio or watching TV while lying down on the sofa
limit your intake of caffeine and refined sugar products to help you sleep better.
Don't go to bed too early and don't rise out of bed too late.
If you do masturbate, get up and put on a change of fresh clothes if necessary. Then spend another 10 minutes of prayer and meditation time. For the following day plan to avoid distractions such as TV movies or leisurely reading and focused primarily on your to do list activities.
Remember that if you start to masturbate you don't have to continue the behavior until climax and if you masturbate once you do not have to do it a second or third time.
when you rise out of bed spend another 10 minutes first thing praying and thanking God for the night and humbly asking for his blessing on your day.
Another thing I wanted to share was my magic lady vs the real lady
Magic Lady
Always nice – never in a bad mood
Likes sex simply for the physical pleasure and orgasm
Is always in the mood for sex
Doesn't want romance
Doesn't mind in I'm home late every day
Doesn't mind if I'm late period
Is always physically attractive
Has no defects of character
Never argues
Never complains
Never trys or desires to change me
Only talks when I want her to
Says only things that make me feel good
Doesn't say or do anything that makes me feel bad
Always grateful and satisfied of her relationship with me
Always feels “in love†with me
Always agrees with me
Makes decisions efficiently without changing her mind
Real Lady
Takes pleasure in emotional experiences
Strongly desires consisent romantic experiences
Has a strong desire to communicate feelings with me and will feel unloved if I fail to meet that desire
Has a strong desire for security
Highly values honesty and loyalty in a relationship
Can enjoy sex for the physical sensation, but prefers sex more for the emotional experience
Will feel used if she has sex out of obligation
Not always in the mood for sex
Has bad moods as well as good ones
Feels that spending time with me is important
Will feel unloved if I'm away for a significant amount of time
Feels good and loved if I demonstrate that she is consistently on my mind
Feels unloved if I forget about her
Has character defects as well as character assets
Will say or do things that make me feel bad as well as good
Won't always feel “in love†with me
Will not always agree with me
Feels that family and children are important
Changes her mind, sometimes while in the middle of acting on a decision
Desires to be loved and accepted for who she is emotionally, intellectually, and spritually, not just for what she does or is physically
I was planning to share even more, but my words were becoming a book. Which brings my next point. One of my dreams was to write a book about my journey from my addictive world of sex to the world of friends and family. Then to the world of emotional love and feelings. And then ultimately to the world of God and spirituality. I've had people prophesy over me to write the book. I just haven't started it. Until a few days ago....
It just started pouring out as I was typing.
Well, I gotta go now. Let me know what you think. Thank you.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2015 13:06:21 GMT -7
KK,
Oh, I like those four items to ask forgiveness for. Hard things to admit and even more difficult to change and do correctly. Communication in involved in all them to more or less degree but that is where we men need to improve. Dr. Mark Lasser (Faithful and True Ministries) says that men need to open up and share our feelings/emotions with our wives. I agree and have seen how improving on this makes a big difference in many relationships.
Let me know how that goes when you share these with your wife.
I am a wanna-be writer too so I can only encourage you to try and go for the book. There are lots of books out there and I always struggle with how to be different or how to be different or unique enough to be worth the effort. I'll put that down as a prayer request for you.
Nikanor
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2015 9:58:12 GMT -7
KK,
AMEN! and Praise the Lord. Good work and hopefully this will give others incentive to achieve similar success.
Nikanor
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,756
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Feb 12, 2015 12:53:35 GMT -7
My To Do list is suffering this week. Tuesday was only a 2 point day and Wednesday was only a 3 point day. I hope to make up for it Today and tomorrow.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,756
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Feb 12, 2015 14:55:59 GMT -7
I fessed up to my wife yesterday. She was hurt.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,756
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Feb 13, 2015 16:53:05 GMT -7
Well, I have some good news. My wife agreed to still allow me to post here. Praise God! She took away the secret tablet. I can only use it under her supervision. By God's grace, I'm still sober since January 4th. With so much going on, I lost track of the days.  |
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,756
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Feb 13, 2015 17:09:51 GMT -7
My wife got me a great valentines gift. It's a Seattle seahawks T-shirt. It reads, "NFC champions, 2 in a row."  |
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,756
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Feb 15, 2015 13:13:14 GMT -7
Hey guys, check this out.
Prayer 1 1 1 1 1 1 1
Bible 1 1 1 1 1 1 1
Worship 1 1 1 1 1
Wife 1 1 1
Family 1 1 1 1
Clean 1 1 1
Workout Outreach 1 1
Despite having a few poor days on my to-do list, I still managed to score 31 points last week. I still haven't been working out, but that was still a great week!
You will come to realize that this is my program. This list helps me to live in the spirit, not in the flesh. And thus, sobriety comes with more ease.
Make sure you keep me accountable in this list each week. I celebrate 6 weeks of good sobriety today. I did manage to jot down a grateful inventory. I will provide more details later. Thank you for your support and prayers.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 16, 2015 3:41:03 GMT -7
KK,
After a series of on-going snow storms and long school bus driving commutes the past several days I was too exhausted to respond or even check emails. Today is a nice day off (President's Day) so I am catching up. Tell me more about the confession to your wife - what was that about? By my reckoning you are at about 40-days of sobriety and that is fantastic!! I wish I could say our MN Vikings could have two or even one recent NFC championship in their record. Anyway - good for you and the Seattle Seahawks.
Thanks for being on BG as an inspiration to many of the rest of us. May God continue to work on your heart and keep you on the narrow path and out of the ditches to either side.
Nikanor
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,756
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Feb 16, 2015 16:12:25 GMT -7
It's good to hear back from you Nikanor.
My wife has been great. She wants me to be accountable to her too.
So I have agreed and she allows me to keep checking in with you guys. And it is going pretty well. Much better than expected.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,756
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Feb 16, 2015 16:22:16 GMT -7
I completed a grateful inventory. I wanted to share a few of them. These are what I call power gratitudes. These truly speak heavily to my soul and provide much motivation to stay on the right path.
Power Gratitudes
I am grateful for my wife. She has demonstrated a committed love that goes beyond feeling good. She loves me more than love itself. She's always on my side; and I can have faith that she will never leave me.
I have a large immediate family with four great kids. It's helped me to come out of my social and emotional anorexia; something that seemed to be an impossibility. My family has opened up the world around me, and provided more meaning to my life.
My painful experiences with sexual addiction and my recovery from it has provided me with a deeper sense of insight to the world around me. I've gain a better understanding to things that used to baffle me. Examples of such things are addiction recovery, God, and relationships with women.
Due to my recovery, I've gained more love for myself than ever before. I'm not as dependent on others to provide love for me.
I have friends in my online forum, my church, my work, and my family that love, accept, and appreciate me just for who I am. I can be honest with them without fearing rejection.
My experience and recovery are providing me a greater sense of purpose in life. I feel God's pleasure when I'm honestly sharing my successes and weaknesses to others. This is benefitting both me and others around me; and that makes me feel good.
Although most people would not give any credit to their addictions. I must admit that my addiction gave me a way to cope with the stress of my life at an early age. It allowed me to cope with my anger, lonliness, sadness, and frustration. It has kept me alive. My addiction has forced me to be honest with myself. It has told me things like no other thing has. It has always been reliably there during my times of helplessness. I may not need it in my life any longer, but I have to give it credit for helping me through up until this point. And for that, I am grateful.
Thank you for letting me share.
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