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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2015 3:19:21 GMT -7
KK, So good to hear your reports - tell your wife I too am glad she supports you continuing on BG because the need is great, God has probably led you here, and you help others who need to know God does answer prayer and restores freedom from sin and addictive behaviors. Continued Blessings, Nikanor
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Feb 19, 2015 13:15:27 GMT -7
I forgot to tell everyone. Yesterday was my birthday. Happy birthday to me. My wife asked me what she should make for my birthday dinner. So yesterday she made me chocolate chip pancakes, yummy
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Feb 19, 2015 14:05:09 GMT -7
I would like to take a moment of silence for all the addicts that still suffer. Particularly ones that have shared on this forum, but are no longer with us.
...
God, my heart goes out to these many souls. I pray that they have found answers and relief. If not, please help them. Thank you and amen.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Feb 19, 2015 18:45:24 GMT -7
As I'm picking up the Love Dare again, I'm challenged to find and eliminate an area where my spouse has told me that I'm expecting too much from her. Honey, I'm sorry that I make you feel physically unattractive. That's not true. And I want to stop giving you that message, and be more of an encouragement to your life. I promise to seek to understand you. I love you unconditionally. Please help and forgive me. Thank you.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Feb 19, 2015 18:54:00 GMT -7
I wanted to share my affirmations with you. I got most of these from Patrick Carne's book, "A Gentle path through the 12 steps." Most of us referred it as "The Brutal Path" because it is anything but gentle. lol
However, I added some of my own at the end. And they get pretty deep. Throughout my growth, I understood how God has miraculously made men and women different both physically and emotionally. And it's important that I embrace those differences and embrace God in a similar way.
Affirmations
Today I accept that the life I have known is over.
I am entering a new and blessed phase of my time here.
I accept pain as my teacher and problems as the key to a new existence for me.
I seek guides in my life and understand that they may be different than I anticipate.
I accept the messages surrounding me. Negativity is replaced with positive acceptance.
I realize that I have had a hard life and that I deserve better.
I let the Holy Spirit melt the hardness of my heart.
I comfort and nurture myself. As part of the surrender of my pride, I will let others give to me as an act of faith in my value as a person.
I accept my illness as part of the trauma of this culture and my family.
I appreciate that in the chaos of the now, my instincts and beliefs may work against me. My recovering friends help me sort out healthy instincts and beliefs from unhealthy ones.
Time is transforming my loneliness into solitude, my suffering into meaning, and relationships into intimacy.
I do not blame or search for fault. It is not who, but how, and what happened.
I commit to reality at all costs knowing that is where I will find ultimate serenity.
I accept that life is difficult and that leaning into the struggle adds to my balance.
I allow myself to exercise, develop, and appreciate the many gifts that God has given me. I no longer focus on the things I don't have.
I graciously accept God's gifts. Sobriety, personal talents, and other gifts are not earned. They are not rewards or things that I deserve. God freely gives them to me according to his will, and I receive them.
I love and nurture myself. I cannot give love to God or to others without first loving myself, and I do.
I embrace my marriage. I seek not to be loosed, and look forward to a lifetime of holy matrimony.
By His grace, I surrender to God my privilege to have sex, my privilege to experience physical orgasm, my privilege to enjoy a person's physical beauty, and my privilege to enjoy a person's sensual attention. In addition, by His grace, I surrender to God my privilege to fall in love, my privilege to experience romantic love, and my privilege to experience any emotional good feelings that go along with the love such as those felt when on a date, experiencing a kiss, having a relationship, getting married, having a baby, feelings of security, and receiving emotional and sexual attention from another person. I do not necessarily need these things to make me happy and content. If I receive them, then that's great, but God does not owe them to me. They are not rights or freedoms. Every being in this world has to surrender these privileges in some way or another. I am not an exception. And by surrendering these privileges, I will give myself more of a chance to receive true contentment, peace, serenity, and satisfaction in my life.
In understanding the miraculous and marvelous difference that men tend to be charged more by physical sensations whereas women tend to be charged more by emotional experiences, I am aware that God desires a man to unconditionally love his woman without expecting sex, love, or good feelings in return. Likewise, God also desires a woman to unconditionally love her man without expecting sex, love, or good feelings in return. Thus, God ultimately is using marriage and relationships with family, children, and others to challenge us to love unconditionally as He unconditionally loves us. Furthermore, I take it to a higher challenge to choose to love God unconditionally. Which means I surrender to God my privilege to see, my privilege to hear, taste, smell, and touch. I surrender to God my privilege to feel good feelings, my privilege to eat, my privilege to have sex, my privilege to feel love, and my privilege to live. Thus, I choose to love God more than sight. I choose to love God more than hearing, smell, taste, and touch. I love God more than good feelings. I love God more than food. I love God more than sex.
I love God more than love.
I love God more than life.
I love God more than salvation.
I love God not for what He does for me or how he makes me feel, but for who He is.
Amen
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Feb 19, 2015 19:00:09 GMT -7
I want to encourage everyone out there to not do a passive program. I make it a point to not come to this forum empty-handed. I am not cured. So I need to demonstrate to you, myself, and God that I'm actively abiding in Him. Just being sober isn't enough. I need to be drawing closer to the Lord every day.
You get out of this what you put in.
Thank you.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 20, 2015 3:50:49 GMT -7
KK, Well said. I like your affirmations and prayers. Nikanor
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Feb 22, 2015 11:21:10 GMT -7
Here is my To-Do list for the week. Prayer 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 Bible 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 Worship 1 1 1 1 Wife 1 Family 1 1 1 Clean 1 1 1 Workout Outreach 1 1 27 points. My problem was that I was procrastinating too much during the week. Good thing I made up for it on Saturday. However, I should be shooting for at least 4 things per day. Today I am only sober by the grace of God. I don't have any magical formulas. I don't have any more knowledge about gaining sobriety than I did 6 weeks ago. Every day of sobriety is truly just a gift. I don't earn it, nor should I measure my progress by it. And it just so happens that today, I graciously receive 7 weeks of good sobriety. But whether I have 7 weeks of sobriety, or 7 years, or 7 days, or 7 minutes, I do commit myself to demonstrating accountability and honesty to all of you on this forum. And I feel that I have God's blessing and pleasure in that. Thank you and may God bless all of you today.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 22, 2015 14:31:37 GMT -7
KK, That's the thing about God and grace, its unearned, its free, you can't do anything to get it. So, just thank God for his good blessings and go to the next day knowing he wants to keep doing this for you. Good job and continued blessings to you. Nikanor
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Feb 24, 2015 1:35:47 GMT -7
Thank you, Nikanor.
This weekend was exhausting. I picked up my oldest son from college for the weekend so he could go to my wife's brother's birthday party. And then we drove him back on Sunday. I think I drove over 12 hours total this weekend.
My wife encouraged me to keep working on my list today. Bless her heart. Providing balance to my day is very important.
Trying to go toe to toe with my addiction never works for me. In my earlier years, I used to imagine myself sword fighting with the Devil when I was battling my addiction to porn.
I could hold on for awhile, but would eventually lose. I now try not to fight my addiction head on. My flesh is weak, but the spirit is truly ready.
Al, you mentioned something previously about the emptiness of the forum. Well, I've been spending some time reviewing older previous posts to this forum. I know that something's not right when you have such a common addiction, 1000 of previous members who are no longer here, and such low amount of activity on this forum.
My heart goes out to this. I like the little spark that a few of us have started recently, but I can't help but feel that God wants more. And then I look back to my life. I've been a member since 2007, but I was not engaged in this process. And some of the deadness of this forum is partly also my responsibility. I'm not trying to be harsh on myself, but I can't help but think about how things would be different here if I had started being more accountable to you in every way 8 years ago instead of waiting until now.
So I intend to start making amends. sAnd I'm thinking of a crazy idea. I will start reaching out to previous members via PM, emails, and phone calls. I want to fuel some more of the spark that we've started here. Nikanor, Al, what do you think of this?
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Post by Deleted on Feb 24, 2015 3:44:56 GMT -7
KK, Excellent idea. It works in the business world to reach out to former customers so why not here? I have pondered the same question of why so little activity here? Maybe Mike, if he reads this, can comment from a broader perspective. I take heart from reflecting on Jesus life. Indeed he preached to the masses, the thousands, but most of his real work was in smaller groups even one-on-one. Think of all the individual encounters he had, people he healed, big time sinners he met and forgave, small groups he taught or ate with. No, we don't need to be concerned about large numbers. They are out there indeed, just look at the recent statistics posted by Covenant Eyes yesterday, February 23, 2014. The harvest fields are ripe and overflowing. We just need to stay committed to the few we each run across in our daily walk for it is the individual hearts that need attention and love. Let God take care of the bigger numbers, I am confident from my reading of scripture he wants us to take care of those we are toe-to-toe with. Consider yourself, you don't want to be addressed as part of a big crowd even if it is Christian, to become just a cog in the great wheel of life. You want to matter to someone. So, if we each reach out to one or two individuals the math will take care of itself. Lastly, I had thought about starting my own web-site and blog, or even writing another book. But why? For fame, self-congratulations, pride, success? No, I don't need to recreate the wheel or build a better mouse trap. I can however, use what has already been started and build on the work already began for God's glory, not for mine. Some of us plant, some of us water, and some of us will harvest but to God goes all the congratulations and glory. I will remain here and keep "Carrying the water, and Chopping the wood" just doing the ordinary and helping others see that Christ is better than porn anyday and is the only way to salvation and freedom. Nikanor
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Feb 24, 2015 13:48:13 GMT -7
Thanks for the reply, Nikanor. I like what you said about being faithful and committed to the few we run across in our daily walk.
My wife shared to me that if too many people were on this site, it would stop feeling like a family.
Personally, I think the "family" could be at least a little bigger.
I still need to complete my goal sheet. I really need to get it done before the end of the month. So I will keep you posted on it's progress.
So far, I've been sober from pornography and masturbation for 51 days. Thank you, Lord.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 25, 2015 3:30:56 GMT -7
Fantastic!! Just be faithful to your daily routine and obedience to God and He will bring the increase. Nikanor
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Feb 26, 2015 16:08:35 GMT -7
Here is my goal sheet that I promised. So now you guys can hold me accountable to this.
Goals
Why do I want to change?
I want to be more content with my life. I want to be more secure in the Lord and content with myself without depending on other people to provide me validation. I want to be more attractive to myself and my wife. I want to be in better shape. I want to live a long, healthy life. I want to be someone that makes the most of his life as opposed to just passively waiting for life to happen to me.
Dreams
I want to have a great body. I want to bench press 300 lbs. I want to squat 500 lbs. I want to be a singer. I want to play the guitar very well, and perform with my singing. I want to own my own home. I want to learn Spanish. I want to write a book about my experiences with my addiction and my recovery. I want to get out of debt. I want to be financially secure. I want to have a great relationship with my wife and kids. I want my daughters to be properly home schooled. I want to encourage my entire family to serve the Lord.
Goals for the next 3 months
To complete at least 20 pages of my book To write a song, sing it, and post it on this forum To work out at least 30 times this quarter To apply and send my resume to at least 12 job openings To read with my oldest daughter at least 30 times this quarter To clean my entire basement To pay down my debt by at $1,000.00 To complete at least 30 Duolingo lessons
Things that may impede my progress
My busy schedule at home and work My desire to escape my day by watching TV for too long My desire to distract myself on the computer including being on this forum
Things I can do to help me along this period
Keep recording my progress on my To-Do list each day. Read through this goal at least each week when completing my To-Do list. Record my progress monthly to insure I don't fall behind. Think about the good things in life, acknowledging and being grateful and content with what I do have as opposed to feeling sorry and pitiful for what I don't have.
This period starts March 1 and ends May 31. At the end of each month, I'll post my progress. Hopefully this is a good start to taking back some of what the enemy has stolen from me. Thank you and God bless.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,740
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Feb 28, 2015 16:13:48 GMT -7
Why am I here
1. I'm not here to dump my emotional garbage or negative feelings on the forum.
Although there are times it is okay and appropriate. I will certainly not discourage it. But it won't be the primary purpose for me.
2. I'm not here to learn more information.
We all have a multitude of information among ourselves. So yes, we will look forward to receiving much insight from others. However we all could write a book about our experiences.But many times, I find someone sharing a struggle and then we wait for someone to dispense their inspirational advice to help. But if that's all we did, then I believe that it would cause a lack of depth and intimacy that would be necessary for growth. If we primarily needed to learn new info, we could just read a book. We don't usually have a knowledge problem so much as we have a problem applying the knowledge that we already know in our daily lives.
3. I'm not here to fix my problem with porn.
There. I actually said it. Let me explain. Although we still encourage each other to stop, my addiction to porn and masturbation and other forms of sexual acting out are simply symptoms of my actual disease. And that is my emotional and spiritual anorexia.
I believe that our primary purpose here is to encourage and hold each other accountable in our walk with God.
The fact is I have little control over my addiction. But I have better control over other areas of my life which involves deepening my relationship with God. And that is what I choose to focus on. Regardless of whether I'm sober or not, I can always work on managing this area of my life.
So be prepared to hear from me how my walk with the Lord is coming along. On a scale of 1 to 10, I would give it at least a 7. It's been helpful that I've been making time for the Lord almost every morning through the His Word and prayer. It's on my To-Do list each week. Knowing that I'm addressing the real disease should help me deal with it's symptoms.
Thank you and God bless you all.
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