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Post by Deleted on Dec 15, 2014 2:37:35 GMT -7
Monday, the 24 hours. Let me be of service to others, stay honest in words and actions, stay sober from all defects of character, trust you with all that comes my way. In Jesus name.
DanR
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Post by Deleted on Dec 15, 2014 2:37:36 GMT -7
Monday, the 24 hours. Let me be of service to others, stay honest in words and actions, stay sober from all defects of character, trust you with all that comes my way. In Jesus name.
DanR
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Post by Deleted on Jan 9, 2015 22:26:40 GMT -7
Day 22 starting today. Thank you Jesus!!! Going into battle.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 4, 2015 1:06:01 GMT -7
Hi guys, I have been acting regularly out. It seems to me it goes in cycles; sooner or later I can't handle it any more, and then...
I want to live completely clean with no secrets. I am not sure how I can do it.
I am single. I have real needs. I think those needs must be met, but that should be in a way that is okay. I am not sure how this can be. I started some years ago to dance couple-dances like salsa and so on; bachata, kizomba, zouk.. They can be quite close and sensual, but maybe that can help me to get some needs met, and I don't need to act out with porn and fantasies, but I don't know.. I am not sure if that dancing in itself is acting out, but that was my solution. I felt the pressure from my own urges/ lust, and I felt I couldn't manage to live outside everything and not act out; seemed to me it was impossible. I felt that I had a choice, start dancing or die, because if I didn't start to dance, then I would act out, and that is death.
Hmmm..
But if dancing also is acting out, then I don't know how I can live without acting out, but I think porn and undecent fantasies are deadly serious; it's about life or death; I want life.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 4, 2015 6:43:19 GMT -7
Hi Man!
I'm glad you decided to come on this forum to seek help.
You can see wheter your dancing is acting out or not by answering one question: are you doing it more for the fun of dancing? For passion? Or is it a way for you to replace porn; a sort of sexual gratification? As long as a thing is causing you to have lustful thoughts or tendencies, it can be considered acting out. If that's the case you must separate yourself from it, in my opinion and seek a safe outlet for your stress, to keep your mind busy. The best thing for you would be to reinforce your relationship with God. It's a necessary starting point, when His love fills you, you receive the strenght necessary to fight your battle. Then I'd recommend installing a good porn blocking software and be accountable to someone close to you. Unveling your addiction to others is a very important step to free yourself. As long as you keep it hidden, the temptation will grow stronger and shame will devour you.
Don't take everything i said as objectively right. I'm relatively new to the forum and i might be wrong about some things, so wait until you receive other replies ok?
God bless you Man!
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Post by Deleted on Mar 4, 2015 11:07:59 GMT -7
Hello Uroy91 I share something, and you give a lot of advices; you also give advice on my relationship to God; how do you know anything about that? If you don't know anything about it, then it might be good to try to check out before you give advices? It's better to give advices about something one know something about than something one doesn't know anything about? What do you want to achieve with giving advices? If I shall guess, you give advices to get away from your own pain, stress and problems? It might be better for you to focus on your own stress, problems and what you are responsible for in here than trying to to play God and fix other? See you in here. Be blessed!
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KevinesKay
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Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 4, 2015 13:42:45 GMT -7
Man,
It's truly good to have you back.
For me, I believe my recovery is only as strong as my ability to bounce back from my setbacks. At least you have that ability to come back. I'm not so sure about myself. I hope that if I end up acting out again, the shame won't keep me from returning back to you guys. In fact, I'm reminded that I need to set up for myself a sort of disaster recovery plan. That's just in case I end up acting out.
Salsa dancing or ballroom dancing would seem like a great outer circle behavior for me. In fact, my wife would love it if we picked that up. But I'm not considering it for myself as much as my weightlifting, singing, and playing the guitar. I do see how it can stimulate a deep connection with my wife when I ballroom dance with her. We did a trial lesson about a year ago, and it felt like a first date for both of us. But I certainly believe that it could be a constructive way to better myself even though it would challenge my boundaries with the woman I'm dancing with. But much of our life calls for practicing healthy boundaries in every area.
This is different than going to a night club, though. When I think of dancing, my flesh immediately goes to that image. There's so much sexual energy in those places. I have that one clearly set in my middle circle boundaries.
God bless you, Man.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 4, 2015 19:39:18 GMT -7
Man, I can't hide I was a bit hurt by your reply. I want to clarify my previous message. When I said I could be wrong I was talking about the inner-outer circle activities that could or could be not acting out. I just tried to share my thoughts on it based on what I've been trough. I don't try to play God or fix you; just offering advice like a Brother in Christ. While I'm unfamiliar with the concept of inner-outer circles, I think I know enough about one's relationship to God to be able to talk about it with confidence. I'm not speaking from ignorance, but from my own experience and struggle with porn. I experienced it on myself: whenever my realtionship with God was strong, my temptation was smaller and the willingness to act out was decreased, but as soon as I start doubting Him, I seek porn in order to relieve my stress and pain. This is why I said it's important to work on a relationship with the Lord. I know it's difficult, Man; we're all in a similar situation, but be strong and trust in God. Always share your progress and pain with us. We're here to sustain each other. God bless you.
Al
P.S: I apologize if my previus message sounded like I wanted to command you, or play smart. That was not my intention.
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Post by mike on Mar 6, 2015 1:38:47 GMT -7
Man, your response to Uroy was overly harsh.
Uroy's point and questions are valid and you responded inappropriately.
Please cool your tone down.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2015 2:04:32 GMT -7
Hi Mike, can you be more specific;? What exactly do you mean is wrong? Which words? What was wrong? And can you give an example on how to say the same in a better way?
I guess it is okay to put boundaries if other people try to fix you or give a lot of advices that might not be very helpful? How do you think that should be done in a proper way?
Or do you want us to be "nice" and never dare to say anything? That can make a person be stressed, get problems, and that can be the first step for acting out?
And to avoid acting out is extremely important, I think. Everything should be done to avoid acting out; for example speak up, put boundaries?
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Post by mike on Mar 6, 2015 2:14:14 GMT -7
Uroy wasn't trying to fix you. I didn't see any of that.
They asked:
> You can see wheter your dancing is acting out or not by answering one question: are you doing it more for the fun of dancing? For passion? Or is it a way for you to replace porn; a sort of sexual gratification?
This was meant to help you take a look at what you're doing. I would be interested in hearing your response to this question, which you dodged.
You didn't need to jump down Uroy's throat about "giving advice" when a part of what these forums about are to help each other by (politely) helping the others see their blind spots. Lust puts a man in a fog of emotional and spiritual blindness and part of the recovery process is seeing where we have justified or played with lust.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2015 2:16:55 GMT -7
To Mike:
I think it is inappropriate to give advices about something one doesn't know anything about; Uroy gave a lot of advices about things that I didn't share anything about.
It's like he started to give advices about finances, cars, houses to someone that didn't share anything about it; isn't that strange and inappropriate behaviour? If you shall give an advice you need to know about the case first?
And if he doesn't want to go into dialogue about what his intentions are, then I am free to guess?
You Write:
"This was meant to help you take a look at what you're doing."
My question to you is; how do you know what he meant?
I think that if I don't speak up and put boundaries, then I will be stressed, act out, and that's a road to hell and death.
I want to live; if you know about better ways to put boundaries, tell me.
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Post by mike on Mar 6, 2015 2:22:05 GMT -7
Uroy wasn't trying to fix you, nor was there any insult or judgment. They asked a valid question to help you look at what you're doing:
> You can see wheter your dancing is acting out or not by answering one question: are you doing it more for the fun of dancing? For passion? Or is it a way for you to replace porn; a sort of sexual gratification?
Instead of going off on Uroy about "giving advice or fixing" a better response would be, if you're not ready to answer the question, simply to thank them for taking the time to respond to you.
Lust puts a man in a fog, and part of the recovery process involves unwinding the denial and justification where we might have played games with it. Uroy's question (which, you dodged) was meant to help you take a look at whether dancing is healthy for you or not at the place where you are today.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2015 2:57:44 GMT -7
Seems to me that you Mike have something to work with. You seem to know the intention of other people; how can you know that? You are able to see into other peoples mind?
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2015 5:19:09 GMT -7
I am afraid I will be kicked out of BlazingGrace; the owner here can probably do whatever he/ she wants, and I have no chance to get it controlled by another organ; the bosses here are the "gods"? I just want peace, love, and joy in my life. It is better to get those values and be kicked out of BlazingGrace than being "nice"/ bowed on BlazingGrace and keep on acting out if I have to choose between those two things? I don't want to do anything wrong, but if they kick me out for doing the right thing, then I should just be happy for that I "suffer" when I do what is right?
I want to be willing to do whatever it takes to avoid acting out/ live right; Abraham in the Bible was willing to offer his own son; if the prize for me is to be kicked out of this site, then it is ok. It is better to be kicked out of this site and avoid acting out than be "nice" and bowed on this site and then act out and die. What's the point of being here and be "nice" and bowed and get the need to act out? Then there is no point to be here. I don't want to do something wrong. I want peace, love, joy and so on, but if someone does something wrong, then those who accuse need to be specific about what it is? It is not enough that someone doesn't like it? That doesn't mean it is wrong? King David in the Torah is someone to look up to when it comes to mentality. He seeemed to have the right mentality/ attitude.
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