JavaJake's Notes

Okay, so onto my phone. I have an Android. I cannot access a web browser on it. Nor can I access Facebook, Youtube, Playstore, or Settings. I've got app installed on my phone called "Lock Me Out". Over the past year, it's saved me from relapse about 100 times. I actually do have a web browser on my phone now, but it only permits me access to a few websites on my whitelist, BG being one of them. Unfortunately, there is a vulnerable part in the app. It limits my lock to last only 23 hours and 59 minutes throughout each day. Thus, I have that 1 minute at 11:59 PM in which I'm vulnerable. Most of the time, it hasn't been an issue. But one time, last November, I took advantage, and disabled it at 11:59PM and acted out. I now have Covenant Eyes in addition to Lock Me Out. I got that extra protection. 🙂

Here's how Covenant Eyes works. The app takes screenshots of my phone on a regular basis. The screenshots are analyzed, and any concerning screenshots are sent via email to all 6 of my accountability partners. The screenshots are blurred so as not to trigger any of the recipients. I've seen this work very well. I witnessed one of my friends get "lit up" a few times after he viewed porn. Knowing that others are viewing my reports gives me a huge incentive to stay clear of any images that would question my character.

So far, it's saved me from relapse at least twice these past 90 days.

Covenant Eyes costs $15.99 per month and for the single monthly fee, I can have it installed on all of my devices, including the devices belonging to family members.

Because of these, I now feel very safe. If I chose to act out, I would literally have to buy a new device or go somewhere outside of my home such as a XXX bookstore or a strip joint or a massage parlor. I have contemplated doing such things, but over the past year, I've stopped myself and regained clarity before I followed through with doing something foolish. I call it working smarter, not harder.

For me, it brings back the ritual; the actions I performed before acting out. And I can now have time to stop myself in the middle of my ritual. Proximity to my DOC is the HUGEST trigger for me. Without safeguards, there's no ritual. And I go from desire to acting out in less than a second. There's no opportunity to stop myself when I lose clarity. And I lose clarity a lot.

I think of it this way. If I was a recovering alcoholic, would I walk around with a bottle of wine?

As a recovering porn addict, would I walk around with a Playboy magazine in my hand? Of course not! But how much more dangerous is holding a device that gives me free access to 10,000+ pornographic videos.

javajake
I know this a long response. But I hope you can get some ideas from this. Thanks for letting me share.

Sorry you're struggling with this. Don't give up. This can all stop now. You don't have to go any further. When I start going down the rabbit hole to viewing triggering material or PSUBs, it's the beginning of the end for me. It's not long before I'm back into hardcore P.

I know of people that successfully replaced their addiction to porn with alcohol. I'm not one of them. we're all programed differently I gusss.

I'm sorry to hear that your men's group disbanded. I recall you sharing that attendance was kind of light. Maybe it's time to check out the nearby Celebrate Recovery meeting. It can't hurt.

Thanks for stopping in the midst of temptation to post here. Now we're here in a new day. I pray that it went well. May God encourage your heart today!!!

I love your comparison there. How totally accurate!!!

You are far from being alone Will. 

My triggers? 1st- Being a man with a fallen nature.
                   2nd- Boredom and discontentment.
                   3rd- Women
                   4th- Things that pop up on the internet. Not porn just normal sexy stuff. Like passing by Victoria Secrets in the mall stuff. Stuff I'm not looking for but                              once I see it need to police my after thoughts quickly or #1 takes over.
                   5th- Summer and going out in public.
                   6th- Thoughts that popup in my head or allowing myself to playback images or videos of porn I saw in the past. Whats creepy is I can remember                                      pictures I saw in porn magazines when I was 13 or 14.  Like they are burned there for life!

I'm sure there are more but these come to mind first.

24 O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? 25 I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.
Romans 7:24,25 KJV
            

Psalms 107 NKJV

1 ¶ Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good!
For His mercy endures forever.
2 Let the redeemed of the LORD say so,
Whom He has redeemed from the hand of the enemy,
3 And gathered out of the lands,
From the east and from the west,
From the north and from the south.
4 They wandered in the wilderness in a desolate way;
They found no city to dwell in.
5 Hungry and thirsty,
Their soul fainted in them.
6 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
And He delivered them out of their distresses.
7 And He led them forth by the right way,
That they might go to a city for a dwelling place.
8 Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness,
And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
9 For He satisfies the longing soul,
And fills the hungry soul with goodness.
10 Those who sat in darkness and in the shadow of death,
Bound in affliction and irons--
11 Because they rebelled against the words of God,
And despised the counsel of the Most High,
12 Therefore He brought down their heart with labor;
They fell down, and there was none to help.
13 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
And He saved them out of their distresses.
14 He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death,
And broke their chains in pieces.
15 Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness,
And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
16 For He has broken the gates of bronze,
And cut the bars of iron in two.
17 Fools, because of their transgression,
And because of their iniquities, were afflicted.
18 Their soul abhorred all manner of food,
And they drew near to the gates of death.
19 Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble,
And He saved them out of their distresses.
20 He sent His word and healed them,
And delivered them from their destructions.
21 Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness,
And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
22 Let them sacrifice the sacrifices of thanksgiving,
And declare His works with rejoicing.
23 Those who go down to the sea in ships,
Who do business on great waters,
24 They see the works of the LORD,
And His wonders in the deep.
25 For He commands and raises the stormy wind,
Which lifts up the waves of the sea.
26 They mount up to the heavens,
They go down again to the depths;
Their soul melts because of trouble.
27 They reel to and fro, and stagger like a drunken man,
And are at their wits’ end.
28 Then they cry out to the LORD in their trouble,
And He brings them out of their distresses.
29 He calms the storm,
So that its waves are still.
30 Then they are glad because they are quiet;
So He guides them to their desired haven.
31 Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness,
And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
32 Let them exalt Him also in the assembly of the people,
And praise Him in the company of the elders.
33 He turns rivers into a wilderness,
And the watersprings into dry ground;
34 A fruitful land into barrenness,
For the wickedness of those who dwell in it.
35 He turns a wilderness into pools of water,
And dry land into watersprings.
36 There He makes the hungry dwell,
That they may establish a city for a dwelling place,
37 And sow fields and plant vineyards,
That they may yield a fruitful harvest.
38 He also blesses them, and they multiply greatly;
And He does not let their cattle decrease.
39 When they are diminished and brought low
Through oppression, affliction, and sorrow,
40 He pours contempt on princes,
And causes them to wander in the wilderness where there is no way;
41 Yet He sets the poor on high, far from affliction,
And makes their families like a flock.
42 The righteous see it and rejoice,
And all iniquity stops its mouth.
43 Whoever is wise will observe these things,
And they will understand the lovingkindness of the LORD.

God is good!!!

Doing well by the way in this area of my life at the moment. Taking one day at a time. I do have other issues that I need to watch out for.