JavaJake's Notes

Getting frustrated. Actually tried to get some porn going but didn't work out. Tried looking at just sexy stuff but that not working out either. Been here a million times. I want to justify looking at something. I'm a little directionless in my life right now. Bored. Wife has a physical issue at the moment so our us time has been a long while. I feel angry inside and having a hard time fellowshipping with the Lord. I need strength to do the right thing. Please pray for me to stand strong in the Lord even though I feel disconnected with Him right now.


Knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law, but by the faith of Jesus Christ, even we have believed in Jesus Christ, that we might be justified by the faith of Christ, and not by the works of the law: for by the works of the law shall no flesh be justified.
Galatians 2:16 (KJV)

Praying for you!

Thanks SBG. You too!

Yes please share your method of protection. I will then see if it is doable for my situation. Thanks Kevin!

Okay JavaJake,

I’m going to be breaking this up into 3 different posts; one for my computer, one for my TV, and one for my phone.

Let me start by sharing that this is very in depth. I’m a very sneaky, crafty person. My boundaries cannot be set and enforced by anyone else. Not my wife, nor my accountability partner, nor my pastor, nor anyone else. There is no one more qualified to set my boundaries than myself. It is my job to protect myself from myself.

The baseline for me is having absolutely no TV, internet, or wifi access in the home. If nothing else works, I can always go to this baseline and get good results. Before I was married to Iris, I had no internet or wifi access at home. I did have a TV, but no cable. And it worked well for me. That was 15 years ago.

Add a marriage, and 4 kids later, completely going off the grid doesn’t seem so agreeable to my family. Plus, there might be some things I need to do that will make internet access more useful. These things include going on BG, doing my banking, paying bills, doing my taxes, etc.

But I wasn’t just going to give up making my home safe from myself in case I had a moment of unclarity.

Let’s start with my computer. I don’t have any “extra” computers or devices laying around. But there are still a lot. They are all password protected. I cannot access any of them without a password being entered. And I don’t know any of the passwords. That includes my computer. If I’m going to use it, I need a family member put in a password for me. By the way, I’m the only one in the family that needs discipline in this area. Everyone else can exercise discipline using the internet except for me. For that I’m grateful that I’m the only porn addict in the house.

In addition, I do not have administrative access. So if I need to download anything, or install any new apps, a family member needs to put in the code. There is only 1 web browser on my computer, FireFox. All other browsers have been uninstalled. That’s because Firefox has an add-on package called Foxfilter that allows me to restrict access to only those sites that are on a whitelist. And if I need a particular site added, my gatekeeper needs to put in the code. So I can do everything I need on my computer. I can go on BG. I can pay a credit card bill. I can go on my online banking. I can balance my checkbook. Facebook? Nope. Youtube? No way! Google search? Not a chance. Www.cutehamsters.com? If it’s not on my whitelist. It’s a no-go. Normal internet porn blockers and filters are not good enough for me. I can get through K-9 and NetNanny like a hot knife through butter. Now, Covenant Eyes is very good and recommended. However, my main computer is a LINUX (love it!) and Covenant Eyes does not support LINUX. But I cannot do porn on my computer. I would have to trick a family member into giving me access or I would have to find it somewhere else.

Furthermore, I have a timer on my computer that restricts me from accessing it from 12:00 AM to 12:00 PM. So I cannot stay overnight on my computer or access it during the wee early hours of the morning while everyone is asleep. Aaaannnd, my timer is set for a maximum of 2 hours per day. It shuts down after my time is up. This can be bypassed, but not without a code.

I’ll discuss my TV on a later post.

javajake,

My whole family is aware of my addiction. And they all know the dangers. They've gotten more supportive of my boundaries over time. For my computer, my wife and oldest daughter know the code. My wife wasn't so keen on playing gatekeeper, but she's gotten more accustomed to it over the years.

I had to lay it like this. First I set up the blocks on my computer. Then I brought her over to select a password. She didn't like that. But my response was, "Look, how do you feel about the fact that me, a porn addict, has such easy access to it?"

She primarily makes Abby put in the code when I need it. Over time, I feel that my wife has become more appreciative that I work so hard on my boundaries and recovery.

If I didn't have a gatekeeper, I would probably get rid of my computer. Or I would at least get one with Covenant Eyes installed.

Should I continue with what I do for my TV and phone?

It sounds like the desire is there within you to make your home safe. I know that it would require a lot of work and trial and error. Do you have any interest to proceed with trying? Any ideas that might work for you?

Every relationship and family are different. They are adults now.

I don't have cable but do have a media box and roku tv. The main tv isn't a smart one.

I have ipad and iphone also.

Yeah might be a bit trick with me being responsible for it.