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Post by rical on Sept 7, 2022 5:14:24 GMT -7
Yesterday I was feeling very edgy, I didn’t fall however I did start to a few times. I’m doing well except one area which isn’t out of control (meaning I’m not doing it constantly) , I’m just having trouble banishing it. I know it will always be there however, I’m just looking for to me, through Christ , having it under control as opposed to it having control of me.
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Post by rical on Sept 21, 2022 3:40:08 GMT -7
The eye gate is one stronghold I’m unable to completely tear down.
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Post by rical on Sept 28, 2022 7:22:24 GMT -7
Doing okay today. I read don’t let others sin be an excuse for me to sin. I know what I’m supposed to do in most situations. The greatest part of recovery is today I’m free to choose how I’m going to act and react. When I get it right, I can celebrate and when I get it wrong, I’m responsible to make it right to the best of my ability.
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Post by rical on Oct 11, 2022 4:29:21 GMT -7
My wife has been listening Shattered Vows by Debbie Laaser. She got so much out of it that as soon as she finished she immediately started listening to it again. She had heard of disclosure however we had never done it. Out of the blue yesterday she started asking specific yet general questions about my addiction. It was so freeing to realize we have gotten to the point where I could answer honestly and not feel like I would be condemned. My walk isn’t perfect however through Christ and therapy we are healing together.
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Post by Ɖσмιиιc on Oct 11, 2022 7:39:07 GMT -7
That is great to know that your marriage is healing.
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Post by rical on Oct 17, 2022 11:53:20 GMT -7
I was listening to a podcast today and heard the best word ever describing my addictive lifestyle, the word was “loophole”. A loophole is just me working around the letter of the law(vs the spirit of the law) in order to justify my actions. If I’m going to live in freedom I need to be convinced that anything that causes me to be isolated from others or stimulated in anyway that can only be done in secret, is wrong.
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Post by Ɖσмιиιc on Oct 17, 2022 23:27:37 GMT -7
good advice rical
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Post by rical on Dec 5, 2022 6:00:45 GMT -7
Just wondering, I’m not looking for someone else to be responsible for my recovery however is too much to ask of someone when I say I’m feeling tempted for them to take the initiative to call me and ask how I’m doing. My experience in recovery always feels like I’m on my own. I’m good at reaching out to people but I don’t get people reaching back, it ends up being a one sided relationship where if I don’t contact them, they act as though I’ve never asked them to help me be accountable. I’m not making excuses for failure, it’s just frustrating when I have spent my whole life feeling unwanted and even in recovery I’m still feeling like I’m on the outside looking in. I’m sure I could find online partners but I’m taking about people I have frequent face to face contact with.
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Post by Ɖσмιиιc on Dec 5, 2022 17:37:48 GMT -7
Hi rical, are you interesting in calling/texting/video calls and meetings? If so, let me know.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,754 
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Dec 6, 2022 6:32:13 GMT -7
Yeah, same here rical. I know how you feel. Being the only person calling, and, many times, having to settle leaving a vm. I find meetings to offer a good solution. Groups such as Celebrate Recovery, Reformers Unanimous, Simple Steps, and SA, SLAA, or SAA. |
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Post by rical on Dec 9, 2022 9:29:40 GMT -7
Are those claiming to have long term sobriety truly abstinent from a Biblical standpoint or have they just moved the goal post?
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Post by Ɖσмιиιc on Dec 9, 2022 22:32:20 GMT -7
it doesn't matter what we claim but a reality. it doesn't matter what another brother has either. It only matters if you are seeking recovery yourself, by seeking recovery, I mean, seeking God help and answer, not putting any trust in man. I don't tell often my sobriety date but you can check my profile, does that make me better or worse than you or anyone. no way man.
I don't put any recovery book over the Bible
I only have sex with my wife.
I don't look at women and get aroused and if I did, I would repent, confess, and forsake it.
I am still weak
I am not watching porn but who cares...but if we are lusting in our heart / sexual fantisizing that means, we are not pure yet, not living a Christian life yet
long term sobriety means to me, that you are finally done with that satanic evil malicious practice of having sex with the hands, but inwardly having sex with the prostitute spirit and only want your own wife, in her own timing,
that is how I see it.
I had 4 years once, so what I lost it
I have almost one year of no "acting out" but I am considering "my acting out" since december 20, 2021 as the emotional affair. if you really wanted to know when I looked at porn and masturbated it was Sept 15, 2021. Now, that you know that, I have over one year, does it help other brothers who have less, no, it shouldn't why would it, I have nothing apart from God's grace. I don't brag and I don't think men who have 10 years or more are 'gods' ha!, I think only Jesus is God. and I am not jealous of them who have 20 years, good for them, as that is biblical and if they are humble about it, that is even better, lest they waive their sobriety date to others as a 'badge of honor' which meaningless, truly meaning less.
Because if you have 20 years of "no porn, no masturbation" but your penis is erected most of the day flirting with women online or something else, then I'm sorry, your 20 years means 0 to me and I think -0 to God who knows the heart and intents.
i'm not mad, but this is how I talk
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,754
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Dec 13, 2022 11:57:56 GMT -7
Are those claiming to have long term sobriety truly abstinent from a Biblical standpoint or have they just moved the goal post? I know a lot of people that moved the goalpost and were able to abstain from the bottom line for a long time. I've discovered that it doesn't work for me. Until my inside is clean, my attempts for outwardly sobriety are futile. I don't reset my counter if I lust or fantasize, but I recognize it's harm to me. So I don't allow it. I know that if I keep losing the battle with lust and fantasy, it will eventually lead me to act out. I cannot do any of this while walking in my will. I have to submit to God's will. I now understand that God's standard is way easier than the world's standard. Fred Stoeker wrote that using porn, MB, and other forms of sexual acting out are simply extensions and symptoms of uncontrolled eyes and a free-racing mind. If I say, "No," to the first thought or the first look of lust, then there won't be a second, or a third, or a fifth, or an eighth. If I don't lust or fantasize, then I'm not going to crave. And if I don't crave, I don't cave. Game over. I win. |
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Post by Will on Dec 29, 2022 6:15:59 GMT -7
Hey Rical!  Well I've only had a month clean but am going to answer your question anyway  So for me, I freely confess that my sobriety date means no seeing nudity onscreen, and no masturbation. Also there's a thing that I call 'sustained indulgence in lust' that is basically 'seeking after' images to look at that may not lead to the above. But if this goes on for more than really a few seconds, in truth I should probably reset my sobriety date. Biblically? No. Jesus said that if a man even looks after a woman to lust after her, he has already committed adultery with her in his heart. It's a high standard and I freely admit I'm not there yet. I do not irl look after women to lust after them (and believe have not done this for at least a month - honestly it's something I think is out of my life. However the problem of instinctive, unconscious eyes darting to something without me realising and frankly against my will, still persists. My ability is to look away immediately, and this I do. So there you go, limited success, however it's a blessing to me. If I can get to a year without looking at onscreen nudity or masturbating, that would be a huge thing for me. God bless you with all the best in your work for the Kingdom of Jesus Christ in your personal walk. |
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Post by rical on Jan 4, 2023 5:29:48 GMT -7
Joined SA few weeks ago and it’s been a game changer. I’ve been in different Christian groups however the level of honesty I’m experiencing in SA has been the exception not the norm in the Christian groups. I’ve decided my definition of sobriety is if I get distracted (thoughts, noticing how someone is dressed, pop up’s online, etc.) and catch it(even if I MOMENTARILY dwell) I’m sober, if I pursue anything that is sexually stimulating, I’m not. I’m powerless over lust but I’m not powerless over how I react to it.
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