KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,741
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Let's try
May 24, 2017 7:15:48 GMT -7
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Post by KevinesKay on May 24, 2017 7:15:48 GMT -7
There's a lot of contention out there when it comes to how a PA should view himself. Some believe that you should see yourself as fully recovered without entertaining the thought that acting out in the future is conceivable.
Others like members of AA believe once an addict, always an addict. And coming from my experience with SAA, I understood the importance of accepting that I am not cured. It was that understanding that prompted me to have the necessary diligence required to remain vigilant in my journey toward wholeness.
So I agree with you. I cannot quit my addiction. I'm an addict, and the more I fight it, the more it takes me out with that nasty head kick.
Surrendering means that I stop fighting the addict within me. I stand weak before God relying on his strength. And I accept that my addiction is simply part of my own flesh; a part of me that still needs food, sleep, love, friendship, and acceptance. And that means I'm responsible for accepting healthy ways of meeting those needs.
Good job, rical. Keep it up!
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Let's try
May 25, 2017 10:19:49 GMT -7
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Post by rical on May 25, 2017 10:19:49 GMT -7
I'm doing good in the abstinence dept but feel like I've replaced it with reading different posts on this site. I am getting insight and support from my reading . Is this a normal part of recovery or did I just find another way of escaping life.
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Deleted
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Let's try
May 26, 2017 16:02:14 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on May 26, 2017 16:02:14 GMT -7
I don't think that seeking knowledge and understanding of self is a bad thing but everything in moderation. If it becomes obsessive to the point where you sit and update the forum 10 times a minute then it's a problem. I think I browse the forum, and other source about my addiction 5-7 times a day. To me it's because I want to understand. Not only my own situation but all parts of PA. It's been a big help to read others story, and to get an insight to my wife's side of it through other women's stories. That you are even asking the question is, again to me, a testament to your recovery. Have a blessed day.
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Post by rical on May 27, 2017 14:22:06 GMT -7
Thank you Gloggen, I hope you're right. Today has been both tough and victorious at the same time. One of my triggers is short poofy skirts, my mind was saying look but my spirit was reminding me I don't do that anymore. Spirit won. It occurred to me today the difference between this time around and others is I'm not angry.
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Post by rical on May 29, 2017 10:14:36 GMT -7
I am truly amazed with how God is countinually transforming my thinking. I'm still not at the point where I'm not being attracted to women in an inappropriate way but I'm instantly aware of when it's happening and I'm able to stop from pursuing or even dwelling on them. I went to a family picnic yesterday and was able to be fully engaged with my wife and family. I've been reading on this sight that husbands are blaming their wives for their addiction. My wife has always done her best (even after 4 children to talk care of herself physically ( she's in her 50s and I call her Sarah because she has maintained her youth) . Until I destroyed it with my addiction , in bed , most men could only dream of having someone so uninhabited. My point is my wife is as close to perfect of a woman as a man could ask for and it still isn't enough. Their is a hole in my heart that either I fill with Christ or porn. Wives don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,741
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on May 31, 2017 12:43:46 GMT -7
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Post by rical on Jun 1, 2017 18:55:43 GMT -7
The last couple of days it's been taking me
longer to say no but I'm still saying no
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 2, 2017 14:44:22 GMT -7
Just keep saying no. I know it's hard some days, and I know it takes practice but one day that NO is no longer something you have to fight for. The last couple of days have been hard for me emotional but I have not gone back to my old ways. One of the reasons is the grace, glory and strength from God I see in you. So lean on God and lean on the people he has put in your life. God is always there for you, and so are we.
Remember to always keep God first. Keep pursuing God and you will be set free.
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Post by rical on Jun 3, 2017 17:02:22 GMT -7
Hello everyone, reading posts that you wives are putting up about your husbands frightens me in a good way. It's only by God's grace I've made it this far. I've been at stopping for over 20 years with limited success before I'm worse than when I stopped. I'm coming up on one month and can honestly say I've never had a recovery like this. Today my first battle was a lady at the park with a short skirt and a windy day. To make matters worse she started playing on the slide with her child. The battle inside was real. I was able to submit to the spirit by putting my back to her. I don't know when she left but she did. The next was a lady in white pants. I'm abscessed​ with whether or not someone is wearing a thong . Why , I don't know, just am. And finally a shapely girl in yoga pants. Same thing, is she in a thong or commando. I'm relieved I won but if I had my way today I'm not sure I would even be here tonight. It says in 2 Cor 10:3 For though ​we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh. Satan no longer has me in bondage, I just need to live like I'm not. The best way to keep from falling off a cliff is to stay away from the edge. Thank you BG for giving me a place to run to.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2017 18:42:44 GMT -7
I'm so glad on your behalf Rical!! Keep praying and working in God!
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Post by rical on Jun 6, 2017 18:39:38 GMT -7
Doing good today. I learned one of triggers today is rejection
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2017 18:58:42 GMT -7
Then it's a good thing you are never rejected by God.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,741
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jun 7, 2017 12:03:38 GMT -7
Rical, your thread says, "Let's Try."
But you're not just trying, you're doing this. And if you keep it up, you're going to conquer.
I'm so encouraged by your journey. Keep it up! Keep it up! Keep it up!
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Post by rical on Jun 8, 2017 17:15:16 GMT -7
Thank you gloggen , Kevin and everyone for your support . Today I scratched someones car At work, I could not believe the emotional roller coaster I went through. Guilt for being so stupid. Do I find the person and tell or just write it off as lucky no one saw me. I decided the right thing to was tell them, which I did and asked them to get a price to fix it. I'm praying it won't be to expensive. I hate how fragile I feel at times like this but with the Lord I will get stronger.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,741
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jun 9, 2017 5:19:42 GMT -7
Bless you rical for doing the right thing and being honest about that. This is a blessing. It's our lies and secrecy that gave the addiction it's power. No more. You're a child of God and are living in the light. And the person who's car got scratched will see your witness and be blessed by that. Good work!
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