Hi all, new here and Accountability log

You can do this, Will!

You are already doing great by going straight to Psalms!

All growing up, my father would say that if I was to only read two books of the entire Bible, to read Proverbs & Psalms at any point in time on any day, in all times good and in bad. The older I get, the more I understand this about these two books and how powerful they are...

I hope med exam went ok.

Stay strong today and enjoy the meatballs and such!
Yummy! I miss 'real' meat so much.... Enjoy it!

You can do this Will. You know what you need to do. Prepare and stay prepared. God time is extremely important. you need to be making time for prayer and scripture every day. It's your main weapon and armor.

Well it has been a pretty bad week for me. Watched porn and masturbated again today. That is Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday this week acting out.

Thank God finally this 'spell' seems to have broken now. I was able to repent, remember God's goodness and get some sleep this afternoon.

It's so weird and frustrating, have been on this wonderful journey of love with the Lord for over two weeks, no problems. Then out of nowhere on Tuesday (although think the trigger is this 2 week 1 day barrier that seems to loom up and be a stumbling block to me, it's like the enemy really doesn't want me to get past that length of time in sobriety), feelings of resentment and frustration appeared, leading to the old entitlement mentality of 'I've done well and deserve a reward'.

It's like I forgot God's love from then til now, and have been under a spell and have just woke up. I don't know how this happens. If I can just remember His perfect love as I am able to do again now it would not happen.

Some factors are:

loneliness, resentment (at not having a partner), and a lot of anger towards God that I wasn't even aware of. Maybe this is a good thing that this underlying, buried emotion is surfacing now.

A great deal of tension at work from a Manager who I have not had many dealings with in the past but who seems to fit the bill of a 'workplace psychopath' - someone whose ego does all the thinking for him and who treats other people very badly, seeing them only as whether they are in his way or not. I have been in his sights for the crime of raising some issues with a software project he is leading (that it's my job to do).

Not going to Church on Sunday because an old friend I haven't seen for 3 years came to the City and wanted to hang out. He is someone I have ministered to quite seriously and told about the Lord and about salvation and surrendering himself to God and asking for forgiveness for his sins. He badly needs it and is mixed up about a lot of things, in particular self-worth. We had a good day together and was able to be strong for him and point him towards God. Was this a good use of time? I thought so and still do, but not fellowshipping with other believers in a worship service this week was not good.

Added to that is the ongoing issue with the Pastor of the fellowship where I am a member. At some point I have to break it to them that I do not have confidence in his leadership and will be leaving the fellowship, but don't know exactly the right way to do this.

Please can I request prayer that the new Church I am becoming more involved with sets up the evening support group for addicts that they have promised to do. They have one during the day already but have agreed to start another one for me and some others who work during the day. Really hoping this gets started soon as I badly need it.

Hi guys,

Amy - yes I believe you are exactly right. Your post is right where I am in terms of my intentions right now. Has been a really tough week. Don't know about you, but when I stumble God allows me to be slammed by life, and I am extremely thankful for it as it reminds me how incredibly important this struggle is. So the flu came back with a vengeance, my aircon packed up, leaving the apartment like an igloo, and got hit with a UTI. However at the same time have been able to keep sober and been blessed by a bunch of docos on the history of Israel, that show God's miraculous providence and inevitable victory for those that follow Him. Our salvation and membership of Christ's flock is like Israel. The enemy surrounds us and constantly tries to invade and wipe it out, but they always fail!

Have been blessed by Gloggen's 'seemingly unimportant decision' terminology. This is so true. When I look back to where I stumbled, it all began with me making the decision to look at surfing videos of the Gold Coast (because I wanted cheering up because I can't surf right now because have the flu and its the coldest winter here for 102 years). In the back of my mind I was aware that those videos always have shots of women in bikinis, but I decided to watch them anyway because this 'small' indiscretion was not a biggie and I deserved some 'enjoyment' anyway having been such a good Christian and kept clean for the amazing feat of two weeks and one day.

It all started from that. Zero tolerance!! Its that or nothing. The decision to deviate from that is the decision to stumble and be a loser. Thank God for redemption through his son Jesus Christ, or as the Israelis would say, Yehoshua HaMashiach!

I hope you get to feeling better Will.
I dislike being sick very much. Sorry your feeling bad.

Will i think you are actually stronger than you know. I think you can sense when your about to slip. You are so close to being able to walk away from this sin. You have all the tools in front of you to do it. You are worth letting it go so you can be free. You can do this WILL... no one is saying that it wont be a fight everyday for maybe the rest of your life but its so worth it. You know that! Your strong Will .. fight satan. Put on your armor! Go to war.. dont let him win!

At your 2 weeks and one day mark. Put every object you have used to view porn in locked box or let a friend keep them or do something with them so you can get over the hurtle. Show satan he has NO POWER over you. Be ready because he's gonna try to come at you but he won't win because you have God and you are strong.
I believe that.. i believe in you!
Its time to go to war... will!
Your so close to freedom!

Hang in their friend!

Hey guys,

just checking in. Well have made it to 17 days without porn or masturbation. However it was a really big effort, and it has not been completely clean sailing. On two separate occasions I looked at inappropriate videos on Youtube. These were not 'zero tolerance' or clean days unfortunately.

However it has been over 6 months since I last went more than 16 days without actually watching porn and masturbating, so I think I need to be content with this progress though it is slight.

There has also been tremendous spiritual attacks, particularly today at work. For the first time in maybe a year I had a really terrible day at work. I discovered I had made two massive mistakes (mistakes like I almost never make), and had to fess up to these. In addition a couple of my co-workers, who admittedly are pretty spiritually unclean people (very against God), but who I usually can get along with fine, suddenly turned on me (not for the mistakes but for unrelated things) and tried to get me in further trouble for no reason I could understand.

Very weird day, but I do not think it is unconnected to this (minor) breakthrough.

I thank the Lord my God and Jesus Christ my Saviour (Yeshua Messchiah as the Messianic Jews say!) that He has not given up on me and I have been blessed with this progress, and would much rather be suffering these slings and arrows of the frustrated devil than have stumbled again and failed in the face of his illusory power that really is nothing at all and must be dissolved by the Almighty Light of God.

Well stumbled on Saturday unfortunately. The stress of the work situation just demolished my self-discipline. I know the Lord is giving me an opportunity to honour His name, but I was not strong enough this time.