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Post by Will on Jun 26, 2017 23:57:23 GMT -7
Thanks so much guys. Really helps a lot. Thanks a lot Gloggen, those are some useful tools that I have never heard of before (like SUP!)
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Post by Will on Jun 27, 2017 0:31:18 GMT -7
And you're right its not square one, there is progress and that is a blessing from God!
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Post by Deleted on Jun 27, 2017 8:22:03 GMT -7
Well I stumbled again on Saturday. However only for 20 minutes! After a great and spiritual time at the food mission, the next day I was doing fine but of course Saturday morning is my most vulnerable time of the week (tired, exhausted, etc). Watched 'Million Dollar Listing New York' that is a guilty pleasure of mine.- Not fiction, only a reality TV show about real estate. Should be safe. But at the end of the show there's this shot of a women in a bikini. Argh!! Was not expecting it and it went under my defences. The enemy is such a conniving #######. I instantly searched for a movie that had been playing in my mind but had been resisting for about a week. Watched a few minutes of that then looked at something I had previously downloaded that was a black and white Czech movie from the sixties set in the middle ages. Pretty safe, right? Nope, there's a nude scene right in the middle, of COURSE. The unclean influence led me directly to that scene and within 15 mins had found about 4 other movies on youtube that I knew had nude scenes in. Thankfully, before I could go any further God spoke to me and prevailed upon me to look to Him only for all my pleasure and happiness, and I was able to switch it all off and put it away. So frustrating and unnecessary. Ah well, back to square one. It would have been easier to continue to binge but you were able to switch it all off and put it away. Praise God for giving you the power. I know the struggle firsthand, brother. Praying for you and more victories in days ahead.
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Post by rical on Jun 27, 2017 14:24:55 GMT -7
Hi Will, there was a lady in AA who used to say thank you with a big smile whenever someone would say they just came back from a slip. I would think to myself"what a witch" I eventually realized she was sincerely thankful and that was her way of letting the person know how grateful she was to be reminded how decitful our addiction is. We can't change our mistakes but we can learn from. Thank you for having the courage to come back and share. Ric
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KevinesKay
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Posts: 1,754
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jul 4, 2017 6:49:21 GMT -7
Awesome words everyone. So true. Will, keep it up! You're truly doing great! Today is a new day. Let's focus on making today the best that we can make it. God be with you, brother. You can do this!
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Post by Will on Jul 7, 2017 4:05:24 GMT -7
Thanks Kevin! Clean days are awesome!! Had a bad slip on Sunday and ended up watching porn and masterbating for hours. Was just at the end of my tether with flu for over a week, car broke down (had to buy a new battery after 3x jump starts in the cold with the flu), stress at work and other worries. But of course that is a pathetic excuse. Of course the devil is going to throw that stuff in my way! Was really down and depressed about it and feeling very sorry for myself. Really prayed to the Lord for help. And He helped. Isn't it amazing how He answers prayer? The Word of God is the ultimate mood-improver Was reading 'Jesus Baptizes in One Holy Spirit' by Dave Pawson, and something in there made me think of God's Words to Cain: "If you do well, will you not be rewarded?" I love this, it is just so simple and perfect. I was moaning and complaining about my situation (in particular being resentful because of my sufferings and being shamefully indignant towards the God because of them), and the Lord just quietly reminded me that all my problems are caused by my own sin. Even before I slipped had still been allowing thoughts to wander too much and the sobriety was not really of a great quality. Forgot that fully CLEAN days are the tremendous spiritual blessing. Have only had 3 since then but feel great because of them. The quality of life is SO much better and so much happier after a single day completely and prayerfully clean, than after a fortnight with no outright porn but bits and bobs of wrong thoughts and casual allowances here and there. After that the Lord led me to His Word (Dave Pawson is alright but nothing compared to the Sword of The Spirit!!) And to Psalm 38, and in His Words I read EXACTLY how I had been feeling, and in reading it aloud the Lord quietened my spirit and reminded me of the cause of my suffering. And He is as true as His Word (of course!) Have been clean since then and now He is blessing me again and all the problems I had are melting away in His Almighty Love. Oh how I hope I can remember these truths and go to the Word not the world for sustenance and comfort next time I am weak! The Word is our strengthener and teacher. Thank God for giving it to us.
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KevinesKay
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Posts: 1,754
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Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jul 7, 2017 11:59:50 GMT -7
Thanks for sharing, Will. You remind me of myself. As you know, I spent much of my years in recovery chronically relapsing.
It's no fun. It's sooo hard to surrender all of this desire over to God; the desire to have sex, be married, have a girlfriend, orgasm...
I mean, without those things, it just didn't seem life was worth living.
Looking back, I'm glad I'm away from that world. Because it's all a lie; a fabrication. Making a movie full of women that make believe that they want nothing more than to get undressed and partake in sex with whomever they can. Yet almost none of these women are doing it for fun. Their doing it either for money or being coerced into it. The idea that I got high on that simply makes me sick as I'm writing this.
Don't fall for this. It's a lie. Reality is so much better. It's so worth it to push through this. Porn does so much harm to us and others. Any day without it is a good day. Congrats on Achieving 5 days so far. However, I'm understanding that weekends are your most vulnerable time.
You need a better plan this weekend, will. Have it laid out what you're going to fill your days up with. No laptop, no YouTube. Make these next couple of days count! You can do this! You'll be glad you did. God is with you and so are we.
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Post by Will on Jul 7, 2017 16:16:56 GMT -7
Thanks Kevin, that is really helpful. Everything you said is so true and exactly what I'm going through. The food ministry on Friday evenings is always a great help in setting me up spiritually for the weekend, but was too sick last weekend to go. Think one of the things that is important for me to change is going TO God for healing and comfort, not away from Him in shame and resentment.
Am having a hard time accepting that God is not the cause of my suffering. Know that's crazy and have understood this in my head for years, but realising my heart still blames God and resents. Coming from a Calvinist background the idea was that God makes everything happen that happens, but am being led by the Holy Spirit and a friend of mine to understand that He's a good God, and that He "does not wish that any should perish", and that my problems are really the result of evil-doers (God made a perfect world for us - He didn't screw it up), that God is healing me FROM those problems, they are not from Him.
If I can remember this, I can run to Him for all my needs, hopes, love and sufficiency. As you said, the question 'without those things, it just didn't seem life was worth living', but what makes it worth living of course and is better than all those things, is the Love of God! He can fulfill all our needs. He has everything that is good and happy, He is the creator of everything that is good in the first place! I need to run to Him to fill me up with His joy every time I feel down, and that means understanding that He is the rescuer and helper, not the cause, of my sufferings.
Thanks Kevin, it really helps to hear that someone has gone through exactly the thought processes I'm going through and there is victory in the future.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2017 6:57:37 GMT -7
Is it me or is Satan really having a heyday with everyone on the Forums? Anyone else notice we all had problemd around the same time? All I can say is we all must be doing something right for satan to be hitting us so hard. Stay on guard. Keep your armor on.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 8, 2017 13:12:32 GMT -7
Amy i noticed it comes in waves also.. its strange! Darn Devil.. needs to be gone! Keep an eye out .. he sneaks up when we least expect it!
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Post by Will on Jul 9, 2017 0:03:38 GMT -7
Yep, am trying to learn to let God's Word speak for me. Have memorised Psalm 23 and repeat it whenever some bad thoughts attack.
Had a pretty awesome day today so far. Went shopping then surfing, first time in the water for about a month after a really bad flu. Now doing some tidying up then going to Church at 6.30pm. Have not been for a month, because of the flu and also because have really come to a decision that the new Pastor at our Church is not someone I will be able to be comfortable with as my Christian Shepherd. He is a nice guy and a Christian brother I think, but is lacking a lot of the gifts of grace that I think are essential in that role, like putting the sheep first. For instance if you get talking to him, he's one of those guys who tends to forstall any difficult questions or issues by talking himself, and that tends to wind round to him talking about himself. So there's a lot of patiently and politely listening while he goes on about himself, apparently from an inability to handle the idea of actual, genuine, truthful (and Godly) human sharing.
So that's going to be weird. Think I am going to move to another Church soon, that is sad because love the Christian family there (although most a lot older than me), but the role of Pastor is so important, and the fellowship will go in his direction ultimately and I'm not okay with that direction.
Ah well, I need to abide in Christ and let Him lead me.
Feel very blessed to have been well spiritually today, temptations far from my mind, Praise God!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2017 1:49:06 GMT -7
Hey, Will! "Had a pretty awesome day today so far. Went shopping then surfing, first time in the water for about a month after a really bad flu."
I am glad you are over the flu, sounds pretty awful Surfing sounds pretty sweet! I don't know anything much about surfing other than it looks cool- We don't really have much surfing waves where I am at, the water is pretty calm. I'm so clumsy, I'd probably make the worst surfer ever, anyways! But it sounds like a pretty awesome hobby/passion/sport! "Think I am going to move to another Church soon"
Recognizing this quality in a leader and deciding to look for something .. more sounds like a smart move on your end. I hope you find a new church and church leader that fills you up to the brim with all things Godly and wise!
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Post by Will on Jul 10, 2017 2:32:47 GMT -7
Thanks Butterfly,
"I'd probably make the worst surfer ever"
That spot is already taken, believe me! Right here!!
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Post by Will on Jul 10, 2017 2:40:13 GMT -7
Psalms are so strong. They really do chase unclean spirits away:
Jehovah doth answer thee, In a day of adversity, The name of the God of Jacob doth set thee on high, He doth send thy help from the sanctuary, And from Zion doth support thee, He doth remember all thy presents, And thy burnt offering doth reduce to ashes. Selah. He doth give to thee according to thy heart, And all thy counsel doth fulfil. We sing of thy salvation, And in the name of our God set up a banner. Jehovah doth fulfil all thy requests. Now I have known That Jehovah hath saved His anointed, He answereth him from His holy heavens. With the saving might of His right hand. Some of chariots, and some of horses, And we of the name of Jehovah our God Make mention. They - they have bowed and have fallen, And we have risen and station ourselves upright. O Jehovah, save the king, He doth answer us in the day we call!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2017 11:03:36 GMT -7
My sister and I were talking about the power of Scripture and worship music. It has the uncanny ability to heal, comfort, rejoice, praise, bring joy, and peace. It's like no matter what the issue is, those 2 things always are the answer.
Thank you Lord for giving us the precious gifts of Scripture and worship music.
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