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Post by Deleted on Jan 18, 2017 18:19:55 GMT -7
Hey, Will, I just want to say that it makes me smile every time that I see you have been here and posted. Hooray for you for taking this addiction to battle. You will win this, Will.
Grace
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Post by Will on Jan 30, 2017 6:08:01 GMT -7
Hey guys,
thanks all for the super helpful replies. I really like the whitelist idea! Hey Kevin what kind of phone do you have? Although in fact the phone is not really much of a stumbling block to me generally. Did try the no internet connection at all thing when first moved into this apartment. However it didn't really work out. There were so many impracticalities and difficulties about it, found that I needed to get online for so many different things, whether it was car insurance, paying bills, whatever. I found that going to a coffee shop with wifi got very expensive and time-consuming. Also it didn't actually work - I hooked up the phone to broadcast wifi to the laptop and ended up viewing porn on laptop from the phone's wifi, racking up massive bills!
I agree it is difficult living alone with this, there's really no-one around who can be an administrator.
It has been over a week since I looked at porn, although did spend about an hour on youtube on Saturday. Thank God I was able to push it away after that. Thank you all for your prayers and support.
Will
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Post by Will on Feb 9, 2017 2:23:13 GMT -7
Hey guys,
just checking in. Things are going reasonably well for me. This website seems to be helping. Thank you all for your support. Also helping is the volunteering at basically a soup kitchen place on Friday nights at an Anglican Church (I'm not Anglican but they are the only ones in my city who preach the Gospel to people as well as just helping them with food).
Have realised that one thing that helps keep me from selfishly indulging lust is when I have a responsibility to perform for others. One of the longest periods I ever had free from porn was when our Pastor at a previous Church was ill and I had to give a sermon two Sundays in a row - I was completely clean from porn for a while before and during that period, because I had to be, because others were relying on me.
So the Gospel Mission is also kind of selfish I guess. Knowing I have to do that tomorrow night, really helps me stay away from wickedness tonight.
Having a bit of a strange relationship to sobriety at the moment - I looked at nude women on Youtube videos for about an hour last Saturday. However it has now been I think nearly 3 weeks since have actually viewed porn. Am finding that it seems to be better for me NOT to know exactly the date of the last time I really stumbled. This often led to a ridiculous pride arising when I hit certain thresholds like 2 weeks or a month (hey wow look at me I'm sober! etc). And of course pride goeth before destruction.
Also whereas before had a more legalistic idea of what was a 'breach', am realising that that is not very healthy. I really like the gauge on this site 'Days of Integrity'. Really that should be the aim, the entire day without indulging lust at all, whether porn, or videos with nudity, or looking lustfully after clothed women, (and ultimately even thoughts like that). Based on that, this is only day 2 of integrity, as I did watch a movie with immodestly dressed women on Tuesday and did not look away as should have.
However, all in all it is feeling okay going with a stricter and less legalistic standard to hold myself to. The big challenge for me now is the coming weekend. Have the volunteering on Friday night after work, Bible Study on Saturday morning I think, then the biggest hurdle, Saturday alone at home. Just need to read the Word, eat and sleep.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2017 8:41:40 GMT -7
Hi will! Thanks for checking in with us. I am always glad to hear from fellow believers that are working on their walk with our Lord. And that is what getting sin out of our lives boils down to.
Do you have a hobby you can stay busy with on Saturday? Hobbies help keep our minds occupied during the down times. The hobby could be anything....Reading, learning, some form of arts and crafts, hunting, fishing, guns, etc.
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Post by Will on Feb 10, 2017 2:07:58 GMT -7
Hi Amy, yes I do have a hobby lined up for tomorrow. I'm really into history. This has actually been a bit of a stumbling block in the past as looking after 'knowledge' for its own sake is not very fruitful and also kind of an arrogant self-indulgence. A lot of my family background is Scandinavian so have been looking at genealogies going back to the Vikings and further back. This actually led to some bad spiritual pollution before Xmas because a lot of these guys were really seriously bad dudes and pagans - not good.
However have now got into slightly more recent history and most are 'Christians' now, there is even some righteous and glorious Christian testimony in their stories like 'Saint' Magnus Erlendsson of Orkney. So am going to read some more about that tomorrow, maybe some of the old Sagas. First thing is to read the Word. Then cook a big breakfast (eggs, German sausage, Bacon and baked beans). Then read the history. Then try the cryptogram on this site that Gracey told me about.
Please pray for me, as it is going to be difficult.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 10, 2017 8:01:31 GMT -7
Sounds like you have a full day planned. Something else you might want to think about adding to your day if it gets difficult is exercise. Many of the guys on here in the past have found that exercise helps because it tires you out and it releases good endorphins.
Your breakfast sounds amazing! I am not a morning person so breakfast is usually a piece of fruit and coffee...Lots of coffee. I do love to cook. So dinner is something I love to make.
Saint Magnus is Scandinavian? I am not much into history but love to learn about the Saints and old Christian leaders. I really love learning about natural cures and remedies. Being ill this last year has ramped that love of learning up.
I am praying for you will. Remember your strength lies in turning toward God and away from temptations. God allows us free will so we have to choose to do right even when it seems impossible. Once we make the right choice God is right there lending us his strength to continue the battle.
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Post by Will on Feb 11, 2017 23:30:14 GMT -7
Hi Amy! Thanks for your prayers. Well made it through Saturday. Not a breakfast person either but I take Saturday as my day of rest and think am gonna start cooking big breakfasts that day. Natural cures and remedies sounds good. I hear that apricot kernels are a natural cure for cancer so always throw some of those in when making a smoothie. Yeah the exercise thing, can see that being a bigger deal the longer I go with sobriety as there is a tremendous amount of frustration and anger and angst that would be good to vent with exercise - guess like anyone quitting any kind of drug or addiction. I always think about the silver purified. When you heat it up, the dross, the bad stuff that was mixed in, all comes to the surface. But at least at that point you can see it and scoop it off! So yeah may even join a gym altho not really a fan of gyms. I go surfing once a week (very badly!!) but am still putting on a lot of weight with the sobriety. But it would be worth being a huge fatso if it means getting sexual sin out of my life!! Thanks again for the prayers, it was actually a really difficult day but got through it thanks and all glory to God Almighty.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 12, 2017 9:02:31 GMT -7
Praise the Lord! Love to hear about people winning their skirmishes! Don't let your guard down. This is just the beginning. Surfing...You must live near the sea. If you don't like gyms, how about a home gym? Buy a multipurpose weight lifting bench or something along those lines. Actually that may work better because it would be available to you 24/7. The urges and anger junk hit at the most inconvenient times to be going to the gym. Don't know how many times I was woken up out of a sound sleep because of dreams. If you don't do this already, you need to incorporate a protection prayer over your dreams before you sleep. I learned that after many nasty dreams.
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Post by Will on Feb 13, 2017 3:23:05 GMT -7
Hi Amy, thanks! You are so right about it being just the beginning, really have to remember that. Yes protection prayer every night, it works!! God is good
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Post by Will on Mar 3, 2017 2:29:15 GMT -7
Hey guys, just checking in. Don't know where time goes! Well have not been doing all that well with my sobriety. Ended up watching pornography and masterbating about 9 days ago. Since then have struggled a lot but have been able to resist temptation except for two days ago fell into a few videos on Youtube and should have looked away but didn't and kept watching for about half an hour. That's where I'm at at them moment. Actually feeling okay at the moment. Bible Study tomorrow morning. God is gracious and good.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 3, 2017 21:08:55 GMT -7
Yes God is good. Keep working on your relationship with Him. Eventually you will overcome porn by just working on your relationship with God. That is what finally did it for me. I tried and failed with the white knuckling but by not giving up and following the Holy Spirit's leading I was able to turn from porn for good.
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Post by Will on May 26, 2017 17:21:22 GMT -7
Hey guys!! Hope you are all well and being blessed by the Lord God our Father in Heaven I'm having a year of ever so slightly better success with sobriety than last year, and for that am very thankful. Currently have 7 days clean. Had a terrible week before that. But before that week I had 2 wks 2 days clean, 9 days before that, 8 before that. Don't know what all that means but there you go. At the moment am trying something - no movies! At all. Have seen a bit of a pattern when my sobriety has broken down, and movies always seem to be involved somehow: - Movies trigger fantasy, because they themselves are fantasy (not real). For some reason this has a very different effect on me than non-fiction screen entertainment like factual documentaries or reality shows. When I have been triggered by something I have seen to act out, it is most usually something seen in a movie. - How many movies are there where there doesn't appear at some point an attractive woman, immodestly dressed? Not many!! So I am off movies altogether now. And hopefully that helps. Recommendations for Christian documentaries and TV shows gratefully received! Will
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Post by Deleted on May 27, 2017 6:33:48 GMT -7
I basically cut out all TV and movies and fiction novels and secular music. I did much better after doing that. It was still a challenge but at least I wasn't shooting myself in the foot. I listened to a lot of Klove...Christian radio. Did a lot of hobbies. I still don't watch much tv.
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Post by Will on May 29, 2017 9:58:07 GMT -7
Hey Amymine, wow that is interesting. Yes it seems so obvious now. The whole fiction thing is actually kind of weird in a way. Remember reading a great biography of Hudson Taylor (Victorian missionary to China) and it mentioned that he did not approve of novels. They were the movies of the Victorian era. Stuck me as a new idea at the time, but thinking about it realised that yeah fiction is not very Godly - you're reading a fantasy conjured up by some other human being from....where? But for some reason (although guessing my lifelong obsession with movies!) I didn't put it together before that movies are exactly the same! Am loving not watching movies now, it's great!
How are things with you?
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Post by Deleted on May 30, 2017 6:58:30 GMT -7
I am doing good. After a weekend of migraines, I got outside yesterday and did yard work...mowing, watering my garden and flowers. I love seeing things grow!. Still waiting on my carrots to pop up but everything else is saying hello.
I enjoy all the seasons but my favorite is spring and early summer because of everything coming to life.
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