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Post by Will on Sept 7, 2018 8:18:07 GMT -7
Hi Amy!! And everyone! Actually I'm fine. Sorry have not been posting. Am still in England. Sobriety was going well until 2 days ago, then I stumbled. Not too badly, but badly enough. Up til then I had 7 weeks and 3 days sober, that is by far the longest in my whole life! Pretty happy about it : )
Progress not perfection I guess, glad to be back on the wagon now.
Will x
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Post by savedbygrace on Sept 7, 2018 16:50:02 GMT -7
Amen my brother! Thanks to God.
Don't listen to Satan's discouragement.
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Post by Will on Sept 18, 2018 16:18:48 GMT -7
Hi guys,
checking in. Please could I ask for your prayer support. There is confrontational spiritual war going on in my soul and Jesus Christ is going to win it.
Here's my situation in bullet points: - I know there is something deeply wrong with me, some deep-seated thing that I have never faced. - I have come on a long vacation to search for answers and spiritual victory and freedom from it and blessed assurance of salvation. - Behind the porn addiction is this issue, and blessedly more sobriety has revealed that it is the real problem - It still hides and I cant see what it is, but have had glimpses and confrontations with it in dreams. - Until I am free from it, all other aspects of my 'life', are really on hold: What I should be doing for a 'career', whether I should pursue some kind of Ministry, whether should get married, have children. - I have prayed to the Lord to give me Victory and finally extirpate it by the end of this vacation, that ends in two days - He has revealed that my 'not being able to see what it is', is caused by one thing - fear. I am repressing something because have been too much of a coward to confront it. - Cowards have no part in Christ's Victory - The Lord Jesus has revealed to me that I have the power to overcome this thing, by His name and authority, by holding onto His hand. The Victory and battle is His and is already won, and I can be part of it by trusting Him and having the courage to face down this thing and vanquish it. - I am currently in Jerusalem. It is Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the Jewish calendar, a day of repentance to God for past sins. - Fasting for Yom Kippur, praying to God that He will give me this confrontation, deliverance, Victory, before it ends tomorrow sundown. - The problem may be as simply as being cowardice itself, that needs to be overcome. - Am staying in a Hostel, for some reason every morning have woken up with a cold. The devil seems to be attacking me with this. Now I am pretty sick with bad headache and cannot sleep. It is two am. Worried that I will not be able to complete the fast. Although I know it's not some kind of legalistic requirement. Please can you pray that the Lord God Almighty blesses me with this breakthrough before Yom Kippur ends tomorrow sundown. I don't know how to carry on with this thing unresolved. it coud be as simple as bringing it out into the light so that it can be confronted. Please pray for me to have the courage to see whatever this is, and overcome it by Jesus Christ of Nazareth's Victory over death: His blood.
Was at the Mount of Olives yesterday. The Lord's Holy Spirit is there.It is the most beautiful place I have ever been.
God bless you and thanks for your prayers.
Will
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Post by Deleted on Sept 18, 2018 17:46:44 GMT -7
I am praying for you Will.
What a wonderful thing to be able to visit Israel. I pray the Lord gives you the breakthrough you want and need.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 18, 2018 23:45:40 GMT -7
Oh Gosh Will... I am PRAYING PRAYING PRAYING PRAYING PRAYING PRAYING PRAYING.. I would type it a million times if i could.
Don't give up on your fast.. you can do it! Devil go away and leave Will alone! Stop making him sick.. in Jesus name!
I sure do hope i get to visit their someday. I pray all is revealed! Be Strong. Hugs friend...
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Post by savedbygrace on Sept 19, 2018 4:53:12 GMT -7
Amen! God sees the desire of your heart!
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Post by Will on Sept 21, 2018 3:40:47 GMT -7
Hey guys,
thanks so much for your prayers! Well there was no spectacular revelatory breakthrough unfortunately.
Finished the fast okay, and God did bless me with some great insights into the questions I had asked Him.
I will just have to do the best I can with the gifts that the Lord has given me, and serve Him the best that I can, and hope that more revelation about His will for my life. and confirmation of my Salvation will come later.
One thing that did come across was that God's time is His, I cannot decide that I want answers on a certain date and demand them. That is actually too easy. I need to be ready when at any time a moment may come when I need to act courageously and righteously.
'Don't wait for it, be open to it' should be my attitude.
Thanks guys, I really appreciate your support.
Will
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Post by Will on Oct 6, 2018 13:17:34 GMT -7
Hi guys,
just checking in. Well unfortunately have been pretty depressed since I last posted. And, you guessed it, have stumbled a number of times, watching porn 4 times in the last couple of weeks. Before this it had been about six months since I looked at porn. Got back from my vacation and have really been in freefall since then. Just very disillusioned with not having found the answers and the life direction I was looking for on my trip. Please pray for me as I need it badly at the moment. Have been praying for blessed assurance of salvation in particular.
Will
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Post by savedbygrace on Oct 7, 2018 11:32:18 GMT -7
Praying for you my brother!
Thank you for not giving up. God sees the desire of your heart.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 7, 2018 13:10:48 GMT -7
You have a decision to make, Will. I think you know what it is. You have to choose. The world or God. If you decide God...then you have to follow Him no matter what the world or your feelings are telling you. I know the choice you want to make. You have a heart for The Lord. So get your butt out of the muck and mire and back under His wings. You are a warrior. Get back on track and continue the battle.
Do you know how proud God is of you each time you get back on your feet and follow Him? He is saying to Christ, "that's my son!" And He has that proud look of a father that loves his son.
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Post by Will on Oct 14, 2018 21:45:11 GMT -7
Thanks Amy! Well thankfully I already made my decision 13 years ago, so that one is easy. Thanks have had a better week this last week and got through the weekend clean thank God. Thanks so much for your prayers! The Lord Jesus has been helping me and have felt some of the 'Rivers of living water' that He spoke about, in my heart.
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Post by Will on Nov 30, 2018 1:36:45 GMT -7
Hi guys,
sorry have not been posting lately. Have had a pretty rough time of it over the last couple of months, but praise God am hopefully coming out of it now. Am being blessed and receiving peace from the Lord
Will
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Post by savedbygrace on Nov 30, 2018 6:41:16 GMT -7
Amen!
praying for you
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Post by Will on Dec 24, 2018 13:15:25 GMT -7
Hi guys!
How are you all? Thought I would stop by and say hi. This is one of the first years where I am making a concerted effort not to celebrate Christmas as am persuaded it is a pagan festival that the Lord Jesus doesn't like. Am enjoying the change so far!
Don't know about you but Christmas in our family was always a bit fake and a way for everybody to ignore problems that existed and not deal with them, under the cover of the preparations for Christmas, and afterwards I always felt a bit hollow and empty, like 'is this it? Is that the main spiritual event of the year for our family? Stuffing ourselves with food and watching television?' Something about it didn't feel completely right to me and am happy now finding greater satisfaction in celebrating the feasts that the Lord actually gave us to celebrate, mainly the Passover (round Easter time - all about Jesus!) and the Feast of Tabernacles around the end of September, that is the date when the Lord was actually born on Earth.
Anyway wanted to check in and give an update on my progress. Have not been posting much as have struggled quite a bit over the last few months. I went on that big holiday for two months that was great but for various reasons finding myself back home again with nothing much really changed was a huge downer. Have really struggled with morale and energy since then. We are living in dark times and everywhere around there seems to be the enemy gaining victories. For me the main focus is remembering when I am low and at the end of my tether, to seek the Lord Jesus Christ and ask Him to salve my pain and give me the strength to carry on, not to seek numbing or a consolation prize in the entertainments of the world. Jesus never lets me down, whether it is reading the Word, like reading a Psalm out loud, or listening to a sermon, or even listening to hymns and Christian music, He always restores me with the strength I need to get through the challenge, and it is even sweeter when the difficulty disperses to know that I truly leaned on Him when it got tough and was dependent on Him. That's the best place to be I find! For me the hard bit is just remembering to do that, to reserve enough energy to get myself to the safe haven of Christ's love before I crash, having the presence of mind to recognise the danger and take action, make a definite plan of what to spend time doing and a 'path to sleep' that night. Unplanned drifting and hanging out + tiredness + depression is the danger zone for me.
Have up to 14 days now and slowly am clawing back some sobriety. Had great success before and during that long holiday, but really crashed when I came home. Have recognised that my relationship with my Mum is one of the key touchstone issues that can lead me to the depression and lack of self-esteem and hope that leads to giving in to the temptation to look at porn to distract and/or numb the pain. Unfortunately she is a narcissist whose emotional concern is for herself primarily and keeping a weird and aggressive control over the people around her so that her emotional priorities and needs are always the most important thing and everyone knows it, and those around her are relegated to how they can be used to achieve them and nothing more. This has always been a crushing thing for me, and seeing my Mum again on the holiday was no different. I'm still recovering from that 'emotional stomping', but praise God with some more hope. Having read about this syndrome it is something that is passed down, so she probably was controlled and subjugated by a narcissistic parent herself, and this is the rollover. Have been very blessed to realise the freedom I have in Christ, that 'I don't need to be involved in that', and it is not up to me to solve the problem, but I can leave it to Jesus and limit my involvement to trying to act with love the best I can, and be aware that having been redeemed by the blood of the Lamb out of the hand of the enemy, that problem and difficulty does not have to bind me or hold me back or require a solution from me before I can pursue the things of Christ solely and be happy and joyful in them.
Happiness and joy is definitely something that has been in short supply recently. I have a very difficult to deal with medical condition that is a big contributor to the spiritual battles with self-worth and depression that I struggle with, and this has recently got a lot worse, making 'normal' life in the office where I work pretty intolerable.
Staying sober is a day-to-day battle, and I was shocked by how much I slipped when I got back from the holiday. Had thought, prematurely of course, that this might actually be behind me now. Since then have got to 2 weeks clean about 4 times. Praise God am there again now. And that is a huge blessing. I just have to keep turning up to the Lord Jesus, and let Him strengthen me through what each day brings.
God bless you all, hope the good Lord is blessing you and you are well!
"4 For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to every one that believeth.
5 For Moses describeth the righteousness which is of the law, That the man which doeth those things shall live by them.
6 But the righteousness which is of faith speaketh on this wise, Say not in thine heart, Who shall ascend into heaven? (that is, to bring Christ down from above:)
7 Or, Who shall descend into the deep? (that is, to bring up Christ again from the dead.)
8 But what saith it? The word is nigh thee, even in thy mouth, and in thy heart: that is, the word of faith, which we preach;
9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.
10 For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
11 For the scripture saith, Whosoever believeth on him shall not be ashamed." Romans
Will
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Post by Deleted on Dec 24, 2018 15:03:33 GMT -7
Hi Will! Good to hear from you!
We still celebrate Christmas although we made huge changes to how we celebrate it. We too felt the fakeness of the holiday that we celebrated growing up. We stopped giving presents to each other and started focusing on Christ. We do have a meal together and we spend time in prayer and reading scripture.
I have been praying for you. I know when you go silent you are struggling. It sounds like the way you react to your mom's behavior might be the root cause that you were looking for on your trip. Dealing with parents that have behavioral issues is tough especially for children that don't have the capability to do so...That inability as a child bleeds over into adulthood. I think it might be time for you to study what God thinks of you and put that into your being. Replace what you learned from your childhood with the truth of God's word.
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