Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 7, 2017 10:11:13 GMT -7
Hey y'all. Just wanted to check in. Things are good right now, great actually. I find myself learning so much about God every day just by focusing on Him and reading His Word. The struggles and temptations are still there, but it's easier to fight them, (or even ignore them altogether), because I have my mind set on higher things. I know it's only been a few days since I've started this new habit, so I don't know what will come of it, and I know Satan is going to attack even harder soon. I just have to prepare myself, and always keep my mind on God.
Thanks everyone! God is faithful!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 8, 2017 6:38:54 GMT -7
You will always have to be prepared but it will get easier the longer you have been battling because you will become a seasoned veteran. I am 9 years into this battle and I still have to be vigilant. It is much easier to turn from the sin but, if I am not prepared, my mind will run toward the sin instead of away from it.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 9, 2017 7:22:56 GMT -7
Thanks Amy. I am begining to actually understand that I have to be prepared always. Just yesterday I was getting ready for a shower, and then I suddenly felt very compelled to do MB. Thankfully, I didn't fall, but I almost did because I let my guard down, thinking it was nothing. I have to be prepared always. Thanks everyone.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 9, 2017 12:33:15 GMT -7
So today hasn't been very good. At one point I let Satan in and fell into MB. It wasn't a huge fall, but it was still a fall. It was okay after that, but my mind wasn't fully in the fight and I started to watch PN. Thankfully I realized what I was doing and I stopped short of the O, but it was still a mistake and a sin. I seriously need to get my head back in the game and fight with all of who I am, and more importantly, rely on God's strength and accept His help for my life. I don't think today was terrible like most days, and I'm glad and thankful that God gave me the strength to quit watching PN earlier. But it was still a fall, and I need to repent and get back up. Every action begins with a thought, so I must take every thought captive, (2 Corinthians 10:4-5) and focus my thoughts on God's Word. Righteous choices flow from a mind dwelling on God's Word. If I keep my focus on God, EVERY day, ALL the time, then I can beat my sin and continue to walk in the Spirit, (Galatians 5:16). Other than the struggles, life in confusing. I am trying to figure out what God wants me to do about some of my failing friendships. I'm praying about it every day, and I'm also trying to consult the council of some good and strong Christian friends, but in my flesh I am doubting what to do. Please pray that I make the decision God wants for me. Thanks for your prayers y'all! I appreciate them so much!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 10, 2017 10:27:36 GMT -7
*Heavy sigh* I'm scared that I may be falling into another PN binge. I mean I'm trying to keep my mind off of the struggles, and more on God, but recently I've been more and more alone at home where I have the opportunity to watch PN, or use MB freely. I made some steps, and I swallowed my pride and gave an internet connected device to my sister, but then later, much to my horror, I found out that my brother's phone had been left at home. I ignored the urges telling me to give the phone to my sister, and I ended up watching PN. I know this doubt is being put in my head by Satan, and I need to get back up and brush myself off, then continue on my walk, but for some reason, the past couple of days have got me down. Please pray that my passion for the fight would be renewed and that I would rely on God's plan for my life. Yesterday, after my fall, I did a lot of planning and research for my addiction, and it was refreshing to get back into the Word. So even amidst the mistakes, I can still see the bright side of yesterday. Hopefully today will be the same. God can get me through this! Thanks everyone.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 10, 2017 13:20:26 GMT -7
So I just wanted to share something that I read off of somebody else's accountability post that struck me and got me thinking... Here it is... " My sobriety is not an ultimate definition of my recovery. Sobriety is a nice gift, but that's all. You don't need it, and God is not obligated to give it to you. What's really important is the life behind it. If you don't use your opportunities to grow as a person and discover other goals and dreams in your life, then the sobriety is empty. It means nothing. But if you are doing things to make your life count, than loss of sobriety cannot take that away. Keep this at heart. Thus, a good recovering person will not let a slip or relapse affect his or her life. Pick yourself up and continue on as normal as you can. " --KevinesKay I know that statement is not an excuse to completely give up the fight and binge on my addiction forever. But it is encouraging for me, and it is something that I can relate to and understand. In my own walk I have noticed so many ways that I have been growing in Christ. I mean I haven't stayed sober from PN or MB for much time, but just the fact that I am fighting my addiction to them is showing me how far I've come. Just a few months ago I was completely apathetic to my addiction and I watched PN and used MB several times a day. I fell so much that everything was just numb and seemed pointless. But now here I am, staying accountable with y'all, as well as people in my own life. I have a long way to go, but I've still grown so much and it's neat to see that in my life. Thanks y'all! God is good!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 10, 2017 14:53:42 GMT -7
I saw this meme and immediately thought of you Noah.
|
|
|
Post by rical on Oct 10, 2017 18:57:50 GMT -7
Noah, hang in there, I'm rooting for you.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 11, 2017 11:41:59 GMT -7
Thank you, both rical and Amy. It's encouraging to have y'all by my side through all of this. Today is going fairly well. I'm trying to be in the Word and in prayer more often nowadays, so I'm doing both Bible reading and serious prayer right after I wake up, and right before I get out of bed. It's refreshing, and hopefully I'll stick by the plan to do it every day. I'm a little nervous about confronting a friend about an issue that we've had lately. Doubts are just running through my head, but if it is what God wants me to do, then that is where I need to go. Please pray for my sanity Thanks everyone! I'm so blessed to have y'all walking with me through the struggles and through the pain.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2017 21:24:31 GMT -7
Welp. I fell today. I watched PN repeated throughout the day. I'm not even sure what to say to y'all. I'm sick and tired of how often and how easily I fall into lust and sin. It's disgusting and frustrating. Only by God's grace and power can I continue on in this fight.
I'm beginning to realize that I need to stop seeing this fight as a fight against sexual immorality, but rather I fight to be fully dependant and satisfied with God. This lust problem I have is rooted in my sinful desire to be independent from God and find "joy" in myself. So as I begin to grow in Christ and focus completely of Him, God will work on my heart.
Thanks everyone.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2017 15:07:37 GMT -7
I remember that feeling well Noah. It took me getting angry and pissed off to finally have a lasting breakthrough. Over a year I battled and kept falling. Looking back on it now, each fall taught me something. And my anger gave me the push I needed to put it all into practice and succeed.
Remember this is a long war. Each time you get back into the battle its a win.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2017 19:26:50 GMT -7
First and foremost, thank you Amy. I'm trying to realize that God is working on my heart with every fall. That is not an excuse to go full out and start sinning, but it is reminding me that I am not in control, and no matter how hard I try, I cannot control my addiction, and just my sin in general. I've tried and failed to control my sin. God is in control, and I must trust Him to work on my weaknesses in His own timing.
Just to check on with y'all, I wanted to say that I am doing well. I had a brief fall earlier today, and I recognize that it was a mistake, but I know that my sin is not what defines who I am. My identity is found in Christ. I am a son of God and I can rise and fight without fear of falling again, because I know God is right there to help me get back up.
Focusing on God is an every day decision that we must all make. And I want to focus on doing God's will always. Please pray that I continue to seek God's kingdom, as well as continue to seek to bring God's glory in the way that He wants me to.
Life outside of the struggles is also doing good. I finally resolved this issue with my friend, and with that, I'm feeling that our relationship as friends has been strengthened. I'm so grateful that God led me to talk to her, and I'm realizing that I need to follow God's will always, because it is for the best.
I also wanted to mention that I am a volunteer as well as staff member at a Christian youth ministry called Slingshot. Today, Slingshot's founder and main staff leader called a staff meeting to just discuss things going on in our lives. We all prayed heavily together as a body, and it was inspiring to see so many broken people, that unite together and pray for each other. I'm so blessed to be a part of Slingshot.
Thank you all for being here to walk along side of me. You are all one of God's greatest blessings to me.
God's will is ultimately what is best for you. Matthew 6:33 says to seek first the kingdom of God and all these things shall be added to you. If you focus on, and seek what God wants, then what is best for you, (God's will), will play out in your life and you can have peace in that. If you either struggling with addiction yourself, or being affected by a spouse or family member who has an addiction, then know that you can always come to God. Trust in His will and seek first His kingdom.
Anyways...
Thanks y'all.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2017 13:40:30 GMT -7
I'm still recovering from my PN binge on the 13th. I had a small fall today, but I can tell that things are getting better. I have to continue to remind myself that I must always keep my guard up, and to trust in God's plan for my life.
Thank you everyone, for being here with me. God is good.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 20, 2017 12:29:51 GMT -7
I fell into sin today. I normally have a routine to go over before I start the day, so that I can avoid falling into sin, but this morning I forgot to do it because I had a bunch of things to do. I'm not excusing my sin, it was a terrible mistake, and there will be consequences, but I know why I fell, and that is teaching me not to forget the routine.
Life is confusing, but I know God has me in His hand. I must rely on His plan for my life, every day.
Thanks y'all.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 21, 2017 16:55:34 GMT -7
Things today are good. Regardless of my fall yesterday, I was encouraged because a friend of mine, the one I've been having some issues with, well she is interested in continuing a Bible Study that we were having before all the problems between us arose. The temptations are still there, (of course), but today I kept myself busy a lot, so thankfully I haven't had any open opportunities to act out on my temptations. You have heard me say it a bazillion times, but it's true every time; God is good, and God is faithful. Trust in Him. Thanks everyone
|
|