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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2017 15:12:40 GMT -7
Things are going well for now, but Satan is still attacking me a lot. I know he'll never stop, but it is seriously hard to resist conforming to a routine that has ruled my life for a while. I think it will get easier once I forge new habits, but again, it's still hard.
I know I can and probably will fall again, but what matters is continuing to get up and relying on God's strength.
I cannot do this on my own, but God can. Thanks y'all
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Post by Deleted on Sept 26, 2017 8:09:14 GMT -7
Hey everyone. So I fell again today *sigh*. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever beat this, but then I have to realize that I will never beat this ON MY OWN. I need God, because without Him I might as well give up now. I just have to focus on fighting today's battle, and I have to focus on why I am fighting.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 26, 2017 8:35:33 GMT -7
Hi noah... I haven't gotten to message you before.. WOW... your so young goid job for recognizing you have an isdue and stsrting to try and deal with this now will definitely be a key component to you future... and future wife!
I'm GHP... you can read the majority of my post under "just don't understand"... I have been married to a porn addicted for almost 30 years now. I would be lying to you if i didnt say that it has made my life a living Hell! My husband has has hurt and droke me in everyway possible. (Aside from physically hitting me)
He became addicted to porn and MB very young to... it basically ran his life. You trying to beat this demon early is very very important.
Once you fully your committed you really have got to set up boundaries to stop you from falling. Nothing is worth the struggle you could have later in life eith this issue. No phone , social media, internet.. nothing is worth it.. you may have to let go of it all to beat it... Porn is to accessible to our youth these days. Its poison... it destroys you view on what actual sex and love look like as an adult. It will desensitized you to normal healthy sex with a normal woman.. when your married! Sure for a while it will be fine one you get active but then it just being active eith the person you love will no longer be enough and you will keep looking till you hurt the person you love very deeply and that scar NEVER goes away for her.
I'm sorry if im saying to much to you since your so young but ehat i eouldnt have given to have someone tell my Husband at 15 .. how this could destroy his life he if he didnt stop it. I eoyld have given anything for someone to have said these words to him.
You are doing well and i am proud of you for that. We will All do our best to listen and help...
You had a fall today.. now shake it off.. Reset your mind.. overt your eyes from temptation.. ask god to only place your eyes where he wants them to go. Ask God to take control of you thoughts...
You can do this... i know you can... Keep your head up and your mind and heart focused on God... set boundaries to stop satan.
Hugs... prayers...
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Post by Deleted on Sept 26, 2017 10:52:24 GMT -7
Thank you so much godshealingpower. It means a lot to me that you're here for me. I think that is my main issue. I don't feel fully committed. I know it is a process, and I can honestly say that I feel like I'm getting more and more committed as time goes by, but I'm still human and I want everything fixed RIGHT NOW. I've gotten rid of most of my social media, but for some reason I still cling onto certain stuff. I know I need to give it up. Even though it in itself isn't bad, it is holding me back. Oh no, you're definitely not saying too much. I appreciate that you are telling me this. I need what you're telling me, and I need it desperately, and if it takes me an extra two minutes to finish reading what you have to say, then so be it. It is two minutes spent doing something more productive than most of my other activities. Again, thank you so much, for the hugs and for the prayers . And you will be in my prayers as well. Thanks everyone.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 28, 2017 18:04:21 GMT -7
I would say I don't know what to do, but then again, I do. I know I need to give my full attention to God. I know my sexual sin does nothing but hurt me, my relationships with friends and family, and if hurts my relationship with God. I know after every PN/MB/sexual fantasy "session" I am always regretting what I just did. I have it in my mind, I also know that I need to be relying on God to save me because He is the only one who can. If I rely on my own power I fall.
I know all these things and yet I keep on falling. I keep on falling over and over again. I disregard the consequences and let Satan take hold of me as I would embrace an old friend. It is SO frustrating.
So back to my original statement; Honestly, I pretend to know what to do, but in reality I have no clue how to get what is in my head, into my stony heart. I talk with other believers, I pray, I read and meditate on the Bible. I report to y'all, as well as people actually in my life. But through it all I keep on falling into sin, (MB especially).
Okay enough with that drama. I fell today. I am so sick and tired of constant falling. I can't look myself in the eye, I can't pray to God without a big barrier that only I'm creating. I can't treat the women in my life properly, much less think of them properly.
I know I've made progress, but I am not surpassing where I am at now. I made some baby steps, but I'm a metaphorical young child still making those baby steps. I need to progress a little more if I am to beat this.
Please pray for my heart; that God would soften it enough to shape it according to His will. One thing that I know with all my heart, is that I CAN and WILL beat my sin with God as my guide. There will be an end to this madness one day, I just have to continue to pray for God's wisdom and strength.
I sure do ramble a lot...
Thanks y'all
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Post by Will on Sept 29, 2017 0:35:26 GMT -7
Hey Noah,
here is something that really helps me, but that I am also still very much learning as well.
Did you ever hear about the boy who was careening down a hill on his bike, unable to stop. And he saw there was a tree coming up ahead, and he really didn't want to hit it, so he focused on that tree, but because he was focusing on the tree so much, that's the direction he ended up going in, and he hit the tree!
This is a lot like 'legalism'. Basically the idea is that if we're trying NOT to do something, we are still focusing on it a lot (like focusing on 'rules' in 'legalistic' Christianity). And because we're focusing on it and it is taking up our attention, we end up going in that direction, and breaking the rules we are trying so hard not to break!
The opposite of this is learning to focus on JESUS CHRIST, and God the Father, and the Holy Spirit. In other words, the boy needs to look PAST the tree, to the direction he WANTS to go. That way his movements will follow his focus. A lot of people have tried to tell me this, and I am still learning it. I think we have to focus on the Lord, and actually learn about Him and His qualities. Just by learning about Him, that will have the effect on us of moving us away from sin, without us even realising it.
Maybe read about the attributes of God, and the attributes of Christ Jesus. I really recommend the book 'Sexual Healing' by David Kyle Foster, it is helping me a lot at the moment.
God bless you, and remember don't look at yourself, look at Christ!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2017 7:27:12 GMT -7
Thanks Will. That helps a lot now that I realize I have been focusing on the tree, and not what is beyond the tree.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2017 14:08:20 GMT -7
Today is okay. I've taken your advice Will, and I'm trying my best to focus on Jesus and what He has done for me out of love, rather than focusing on trying to beat my sin. So far so good but I don't want to get too ahead of myself, and then fail when Satan catches me off guard.
Other than my struggles, things are good. Not much is going on, just the usual. I'm hoping it'll actually start to feel like the fall, but being down in the south, I think it's a false hope.
Thanks y'all. God is faithful and just to forgive if you only turn to Him.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2017 17:54:59 GMT -7
Hey noah...
I'm glad today is going good... Will usually has great advice! Im glad you understood me talking to you how i did... i just want o help you not let this distroy your life like it has my Husbands and mine. You were on my mind so i got brave and asked my husband what he would tell his 15year old self to stop this beast if he could. He said he should have got help. He should hae been honest with an adult he could have trusted to truely help him. He said he wished he would have done anything it took to stop. He said he needed to find something positive to take up his time.. lime helping others or focusing on a major life goal... focus on putting his energy into something that could have made a difference in his life.
He said he wishes he would if had the courage to stop it before it hurt life and became a beast that is really hard to stop...
Just wanted to share thst with you.. im still suprised i got the courage to ask him... was suprised by his answers and honesty. Its not to late for you. I belive god gives you the power to stop this instant. He lready sent his son to die for our sins so we have the freedom t choose to stop the temptation.
Stay strong... you can do this! Prayers...
Oh! I loved the rap music .. by the way! Super cool! Thanks...
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Post by Deleted on Oct 2, 2017 12:53:16 GMT -7
Thanks GHP! I try to keep an open mind about everything, because I am wrong in a lot of areas. If you ever need to tell me something that you think I am lacking in, or wrong about, than by all means tell me. I don't want the rest of my life to be destroyed but my sins and mistakes. That is something that I hear a lot from people, (especially men), who say that they wished they had gotten help earlier on in life. I'm trying to be more open and honest with my parents, and it is definitely helping. I also have a couple accountability partners that I try to keep in contact with frequently. But I know that I should still be more honest with a trustworthy adult who will help me grow. Again, thank you. I'm blessed to have people like you actually thinking about me, and how to help me. I know God put y'all in my life, and I thank Him every day for that. And that is great! I wasn't sure if anyone would actually like the music I shared, but I glad you did! ___________________________________________ As for my walk thus far. Things are still good. I slipped up yesterday, but I can tell it wasn't a huge fall, and seeing the progress that God had made in my life encourages me to keep on fighting. I know one day I will beat this. I just have to keep on turning to Christ and focusing on the cross! In regards to other parts of my life, I got pretty down yesterday. My best friend seems to be ignoring me for some reason, and I think it may have been because a conversation we had recently. Nothing bad was said, there is just a barrier between us, or at least that is what it seems to be like for me. I know what I said was right, and I wouldn't go back on the conversation, but it is so heart wrenching to see my best friend drift away from me. I just gotta trust God and His plan in both mine and my best friend's lives. Thanks for being here for me y'all!
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Post by Deleted on Oct 2, 2017 14:58:56 GMT -7
Oh I forgot to add; Last night God laid it on my heart to simply open the Bible and read His Word. I didn't know where to open to, but Galatians 5:16 popped into my head and I flipped to it, thinking it was nothing, but then I read it. It says:
So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.
It blew my mind how God put that right in front of me right when I needed it. I continued on to read the rest of chapter 5 and it was all good. God works in mysterious ways, but He always comes through.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2017 10:38:53 GMT -7
So I think I'm actually beginning to realize how I'm actually going to fight. My pastor was out of town recently, so another pastor from a different church came and preached at my church. He said that Satan makes plans to steal, kill and destroy. He knows what to put in front of my eyes at the right time, so that I will fall into sin. So we as Christians have to be prepared for attack and have our own strategy. I have to actually have a plan for what I'm going to do when I'm faced with temptation. This is something I've always overlooked, but now that I'm still put into positions where I end up falling into sin, I'm backing up and actually figuring out what I'm to do. I know plans that I create on my own can, (and probably will) fail, so I'm trying to rely on God to plan this out for me. I also know that with these plans I'm going to have to make some radical changes in my life. Please pray for my commitment to God's plan in my life, regardless of whether I want to or not. Thanks everyone!
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Post by Deleted on Oct 3, 2017 14:46:31 GMT -7
Noah, you are learning and growing stronger by realizing you need to rely on God. When we talk about good coping skills, hobbies, scripture verses, those are all ways to combat temptations. You will have to figure out what works best for you and God will help you with that. God is not only guiding you through this, He is using you to bless others. Keep following God.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 4, 2017 10:04:23 GMT -7
Thanks Amy. Right now, as weird as it may sound, I'm simply trying to keep a Bible with me at all times, so that if I'm ever tempted, just seeing the Bible there reminds me of who I am in Christ and how I am no longer defined by my sins. It has helped so far. I'm also trying to recognize where I fall the most and why I fall in those situations. Once I recognize that, I believe I can pray about it and get a better strategy to combat Satan's lies in those situations. I just gotta focus completely on God and give the Lord my full and undivided attention. God can get me through this, I just have to trust in His timing, and His ways. Today is good so far. I've been writing a lot. I have a bunch of letters to write to my friends now that I'm off of social media completely. My hand is sore, but at least I'm keeping my mind off of my temptations. Thanks for your prayers y'all!
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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2017 11:24:12 GMT -7
So yesterday went fine. I didn't watch any PN or MB. God gave me strength to overcome, but I need to keep my eyes ahead. Sadly, I had a big fall today, (Or at least it felt big to me). I know recovery takes time, and there will be stumbling points in my walk, (especially now), but the bumps are still discouraging. I just have to brush off the dust and get back up. I want to strive to make bigger steps, and I know I can make those steps if I begin to depend on God more and more with all of my life. Only God can save me from my sin.
Today, (after my fall), I was thinking about my entire walk thus far. I know I hate my sin, and my past failures are disgusting. But I find it mind blowing to see how much I've grown on this journey. Without my PN addiction, I never would've met y'all and gotten all of your amazing advice on how to live according to God's Word. I never would've read your stories and grown because of them. I never would've had the close relationships I have today with my other accountability partners, and I never would've been where I am at, spiritually, right now. I know I still have a LONG way to go spiritually, but I have grown so much already. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm not grateful for my addiction, but I'm grateful for how God has used even my sin to help me grow in many amazing ways.
I dunno...That was just on my mind earlier today.
Life is okay right now. Other than the struggles, life is still slightly hectic. Now, my mom, dad, and oldest brother all have jobs, so they're out and about all the time. My emotions are a mess regarding some of my friendships that are slightly falling apart at the moment. I find it interesting that even amidst all of the chaos, I can still see the bright side of things. God is in control!
Thanks everyone!
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