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Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2017 12:18:03 GMT -7
Wow. Just wow.
Hey y'all. I'm back, although considering my record it is probable that I will leave again, as much as I hate it.
So I just wanted to let y'all know that things are doing surprisingly well for me, or at least considering that I'm not on a Porn/Masterbation binge it is going good.
So I have a couple accountability partners, and really talking to them has helped so much, but I still find myself failing. I find it hard to find motivation to continue not sinning, and I don't know how to obtain that motivation without a big failure.
Anyways, hey y'all. Thanks. You are all amazing to have continued to stick by me in this.
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Post by Will on Aug 30, 2017 5:19:52 GMT -7
Hey Noah! Welcome back
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Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2017 9:51:55 GMT -7
So I am going to try to look at this page at least once a day. I think creating that habit will help me stick to posting or at least checking on the page. Anyways...
So I gave in last night. I ended up masterbating. I am noticing a new pattern. Throughout the day things will be fine, filled with temptation, but fine. But then as soon as I get in bed the temptations come more than ever and I fail. I think I need to either be ready to get out of bed as soon as the temptations come because if I don't then I fail.
Of course, please continue to pray for me. I am sorry for being inconsistent with y'all. I have let you down multiple times and I'm not sure if any of you really think it's worth it to stick by me, but thanks regardless for being there when I didn't deserve it.
God is great and I no longer belong to sin! I am made new in Christ and my mistakes no longer define me, Jesus does!
Thanks
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Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2017 15:41:05 GMT -7
Hey Noah! Glad to see you posting again.
Inconsistency is a problem a lot of people struggle with me included. It takes diligence to build a good habit and to change a bad one. So during that process we are generally inconsistent. Keep working at the good habits you will become more consistent during the process.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2017 9:17:24 GMT -7
Hey y'all... So today I failed. I ended up watching PN when I let myself get put in another stupid position when I was left mostly alone with a device. I can feel myself slipping back into the binge of failure and I HATE it. I want to continue on, and I am going to try hard, but all of this hangs on what I truly want. What is my goal, and if that goal isn't good then I will fail over and over.
Anyways. Thanks y'all.
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Post by Will on Sept 1, 2017 2:46:24 GMT -7
Hey Noah, hey no need to apologise. I have so been there myself as well!! We are all here getting blessed by the Lord's goodness and healing, not our own, and that is boundless and bountiful and overflowing!
Definitely sympathise with your predicament. I have been trying to get free from porn addiction for about 8 years now. For years there seemed to be no progress. Finally now am experiencing some. All I can say is God is good and you will get there in the end.
"fear not, nor be dismayed: for the Lord God, even my God, will be with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee, until thou hast finished all the work for the service of the house of the Lord." 1 Chronicles 28:20
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2017 9:41:56 GMT -7
So I just wanted to make a check up with y'all. Everything is okay at the moment, but I know I cannot let my guard down. I have to keep fighting, and I have to fight hard and long. This isn't going to be easy and I need to stand firm.
Thanks Will, for the encouragement. It means a lot to me. I 'think' I'm seeing some small progress in myself. Just the fact that I am here now, confessing my mistakes to y'all, and making an effort to fight my temptations. I know just a month or two ago, it was very bad, and I didn't give my sins a second thought, so I can definitely see the progress I've made. But I know I do have to try harder, because as much as I have made progress, I still fall quite a bit.
Thanks for everything guys. God is good and He loves you and me! I know I can win this, but only with God. Without God, I am nothing, but with God I have all I need.
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Post by rical on Sept 5, 2017 17:08:06 GMT -7
Hi Noah, just wanted to let you know I may be wounded at the moment but I'm walking with you
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Post by Deleted on Sept 6, 2017 12:11:22 GMT -7
I let my guard down again and ended up masterbating in the shower. At first everything was actually going quite well. I was put in a position where I had the choice to either stay put in the living-room and do nothing, or go and get a device and watch porn. It was a struggle but I ended up sitting in the living-room gritting my teeth and not doing anything. All of that was kind of undone when I went to go take a shower. I have to make a habit of continuing to be ready and prepared for Satan's schemes. I have to keep fighting and I need to continue to stand firm. I CAN do this, and I CAN win. I know I can because of what happened earlier. I just have to fight harder and harder, even if I'm fighting myself. Thanks rical, and everyone who has stuck by me.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 6, 2017 19:58:55 GMT -7
Could y'all pray for me please? I have just been depressed and down recently, more than usual... I just don't have much joy at the moment. Thanks everyone.
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Post by rical on Sept 7, 2017 3:52:44 GMT -7
I will be praying for you. Salvation is a state of being whether we're feeling joyful or depressed doesn't change the fact that God loves us. God new what he was getting when he choose us so don't let Satan get you down. Agree with God what you did was wrong and continue to move forward.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2017 10:19:50 GMT -7
Thanks rical. I'm not necessarily questioning God's love for me. I'm just having a bad attitude all the time. Like I don't find much joy in much of anything anymore. It's better today though...
Right now everything is good. I mean I have the "normal" temptation to sin, but I know not to act on it. I won't let my guard down though, because Satan can sneak up on me at any time and deceive me.
Thanks for your prayers. Like you were saying rical, God's love never fails! He can see your whole lifespan and he knows every detail in your life, from your worst mistake to you at your best. With all this knowledge, he still chose to love you unconditionally.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2017 19:12:45 GMT -7
I watched PN today.
I ended up ignoring my goals and after a half-hearted fight against the temptation, I let myself be pulled into my sin. I can't make light of this fall. I can almost feel myself being pulled back to my former ways and I NEED to continue to fight. This is so hard, but I know it won't be easy. I need to keep focused on my goals and never let them out of my thoughts because when I do, that is when Satan attacks.
I know what I need to do, my body just isn't doing it and I keep on falling. I know I can win this though. I know I can fight and win. Please pray for my commitment specifically.
God take this broken kid and use it for amazing things.
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Post by ladystrong on Sept 7, 2017 20:29:04 GMT -7
I feel like MB is a symptom of some deeper issues or a void in your life. Is there something that you really enjoy or are working towards right now? Like training for an event or getting a degree? Do you know what your life's purpose is? I can't fully identify with MB issues but I know that when I am doing what I enjoy and when my mind and body is focused on achieving a goal in life, I feel good about myself and can bring myself out of the pit of pity and pain. Then, I no longer crave the things that once tempted me because I know there is something far better to live for, to be in this earth for. I pray that you would find it!
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Post by rical on Sept 8, 2017 4:23:05 GMT -7
Hi Noah, two word that you used "pulled" and "Satan " . You are experiencing spiritual attacks against you. Satan is a better fighter than you are so right now your best defense is to run/flee to God. AA uses the term HALT; hungry, angry, lonely, tired. If I am any of those things I am ripe for attack. You don't have to wait until you fail to post.
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