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Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2015 14:25:55 GMT -7
Ok I need to thank a few people...one is John. His post started me thinking on forgiveness. Today I realized that although I was forgiving Craig, I still had anger towards him and that was turning into bitterness. Listening to RC Sproul talk on forgiveness made me remember that to truly forgive I needed to let go of everything and give it to God. That includes my own failings in my marriage. No more take backs...I have to put my faith and trust in my God who has never failed me and who has always loved me.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 9, 2015 13:42:12 GMT -7
I'm glad that our Father has given me the words to inspire you. You are very welcome. Glad that we can share a common bond in Christ.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 13, 2015 10:18:57 GMT -7
So I have been dealing with health issues...can you believe that being in horrible pain makes me want to act out? I don't even think I could act out if I wanted to, the pain in my joints is that bad. Even my elbows and wrists are hurting...usually it's just my knees and ankles. I wanted to work more on Ellie's blanket but instead I am going to sleep. I did make it to church today. Took 4 ibuprofen so I could drive. I guess I can't put my health on the back burner any longer. Going to call the doctor Monday.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 17, 2015 9:34:23 GMT -7
Things have been going. I am dealing with my urges by focusing on God. I have been listening to some online bible studies by Alister Begg and Ravi Zacarias (spelling may be wrong). Ravi is interesting if you are the least bit interested in apologetics. He really gets into the subject and bible and explains it so that an unbeliever will understand. Alister is more the applying the bible to your life type speaker. Both are very good. Another that I like to listen to is John MacAuthor (sp). And I can't forget an oldie but goodie, RC Sproul.
I am getting anxious for the 21st to get here so I can be done with it. Beth, Craig's first ex, is already trying to hook me up with a guy from her church. I told her that after the 21st I would be willing to go on a date with him. So she is gonna work on it.
My brother is taking me shooting this Sunday after church. It should be interesting since I don't know the first thing about guns and the one he bought to teach me on I can't even work the slide and buttons.
I need to remember to put God first in my life. The urges become more troublesome when I don't concentrate on Him.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 21, 2015 16:57:23 GMT -7
Well it's done. I am officially divorced. Glad and sad. Was hard seeing Craig today.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2015 3:57:59 GMT -7
With God, He closes one door in order to open another. Good luck with moving forward with the next chapter of your life.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2015 17:31:46 GMT -7
I did some crying. I did some joking. I did some shopping. I did some isolating. I have lost 2 people in my life in just a few months...my child and my husband. People don't understand when I joke and others don't understand when I cry. I joke as a coping mechanism so that I am not dwelling in sadness 24/7. I cry because I hurt, feel like a failure, am insecure etc. It isn't easy going through this mess.
Craig's dad was with him. He is the one that married us. He stared at me like I was lower then dirt and I was at fault. My brother Bill saw it and moved so that I was blocked from his view.
I feel like I am dying inside and I am wondering why anyone would want me in their lives. I seem to just make mistakes. I don't trust myself to make the right choices when it comes to relationships.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 23, 2015 14:38:55 GMT -7
You're getting better in picking your men. You picked me and Kevin, Steve and Mike. So don't feel so bad. I know that divorce is tough since I went through It. I learned that it isn't all one sided no matter what the other party may say. Both got into the marriage and both did things to end the union. Anyhow don't think too much into it. Focus on you and your path. Let everything else follow its own course.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2015 8:09:14 GMT -7
Ok I have been struggling the last couple of days. I haven't acted out and have used coping skills. It's just hard when the images bombard me in dreams. I just realised that I have been neglecting praying for my own purity. I have been so focused on others that I forgot myself. We need to remember to pray for ourselves while praying for others.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2015 5:34:03 GMT -7
I'm sorry to hear about your divorce, but I know now you can move on. I'm sending ya a big cyber hug and a bunch of prayers. It must be a mixed bag of feelings, eh? I've read that divorce is like dealing with a death of a loved one for the spouses and the children involved. I never thought about it much until I read that.
I hear ya bout neglecting your prayer life. When I ended up in the hospital a month ago, it was like God was telling me to return to my FIRST love. I would read my one year Bible one day, and then neglect to have any REAL prayer with God or I'd neglect both.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 30, 2015 7:52:45 GMT -7
Thanks for the hug HS3. Yes divorce is like dealing with the death of a loved one. I am sad and hurt and yet glad it is done. Letting go and wanting revenge is something I am struggling with right now. But I know that I have to forgive and let God handle this. I had stopped praying for him but I started again yesterday. It isn't easy to pray for someone who has torn out your heart and stomped on it. I know that some of my struggling with wanting to act out stems from this. I need to focus more on God and what He has blessed me with than what was and how to get even. I am letting worldly thinking have too much purchase in my mind. So to counter act that I have been listening to worship music, praying more, listening to sermons and reading scripture as much as possible. As soon as I realise I am thinking about him or something to do with him, I forgive him and ask for forgiveness and turn my mind onto something else.
Just when you think you have yourself well in hand God points out another area in your life that needs work. At least He usually gives you a breather in between.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 6, 2015 15:22:38 GMT -7
Amy, thank you so much for all the support you've given me and others here on this forum. If we had a member of the month award I would nominate you for this past month. Looking forward into October I see that things are going to be quite different for both of us. I'm glad to see that you're taking life in a positive direction and working on different things like forgiveness, singlehood, mercy, and patience. I hope that things are well with you. I think of you often and pray in spirit for you.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 6, 2015 17:01:12 GMT -7
John you are too kind. I don't give as much as I receive. Everyone here has taught me something, prayed for me and been a friend. The least I can do is love and support you in return. I thank the Lord for using me and my sins to help others with theirs. We are family in Christ. We are made to help and love others...to let our light shine. As the bible says:
Matthew 5:16New King James Version (NKJV)
16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 7, 2015 10:42:44 GMT -7
I thank God that he has lead me to this site. When I first was restored to Christ five years ago (I walked away from it all for 20 years) I prayed that he would use me despite my addiction. Since then I've been a part of a purity group in my church that was a start. Hopefully one day it can become an ongoing support group. And now here I am talking openly with both men and women about my daily struggles on the road to recovery. Speaking of RECOVERY ROAD (neat name huh?) have you ever felt like your driving along without so much as a mile marker sign let alone a rest stop? Sometimes it seems like I am traveling this road and not knowing How far I've come. Then at other times I get to involved looking at the billboards of life and quickly get off at the nearest exit. I know PA and SA are much more involved than just driving down a road but I like the way I put it. Anyhow how is your driving on RECOVERY ROAD been? Ignore the billboards and keep driving.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 7, 2015 12:55:17 GMT -7
Driving the road is sometimes easy now and sometimes it is still filled with bumps and pot holes. I have to be ever vigilant or end up with a flat tire or the muffler torn off. Listening to worship music or sermons on the radio help but I still need to pull over and pray and study the bible everyday. I trust myself more now then when I first started because I know who I am in Christ. I know me...kinda weird to say but I never knew who I was before I got on this road. Christ teaches you about overcoming your sins and about who you are. It's like each step, each victory, each stumble teaches you something about yourself. I know where to draw the line now in regards to sin. I know where I am weak and how to stop myself from going there. I know who I am as a person, a woman, and a daughter of God.
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