Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 8, 2015 3:28:12 GMT -7
DELETED
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2015 4:19:20 GMT -7
Happy Tuesday to you and yours. Hoping all is well with your driving down RECOVERY ROAD. I know that there may be a few pot holes in there but I hope that you might avoid them. Coming up soon is sweetest day and I want to give a shout out to all the sweet people here in BG who have helped me navigate my own Recovery Road. Thanks to you and everyone here.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 13, 2015 10:15:14 GMT -7
I am doing ok. I took a break because when it is that time of the month, I battle with depression. It is difficult to be a help and he an encouragement to others when depression hits. I feel soul tired for a few days. I also get bitchy. Not a good combo so I tend to withdraw instead of having to apologize every time I open my mouth.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2015 13:37:02 GMT -7
I can understand all of that to a certain degree. I know about depression and mood swings. Other than that I don't have a clue. I hope however that you don't withdrawal but instead reach out. I know you want to play it safe and be cautious and I applaud that. Being a Christian isn't always easy especially for a female. Often at times Christians are called to deny themselves even when we don't want to. I don't know you well enough to be able to challenge you so at this point I won't. I want instead to encourage you to do what is in your heart to do. I can't relate to all that women go through but know this. I have two ears to listen, two arms to hold you, two shoulders to support you, and one heart to care about you. Let me know how I can help. Yours truly, John.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2015 18:36:13 GMT -7
Thanks John. It would be nice to be held...I miss it. That was one the Craig did well. He loved to cuddle.
I feel like an outcast right now. Bible study was tonight. We are studying 1 Corinthians 6. Sexual immorality... I am very open about my sins and my past but the looks of censor I got from some when I mentioned it...I feel dirty, unworthy, downright beyond saving. It is really tough being a Christian woman and admitting to sexual sins. I am an anomaly. So often I read and hear about women not wanting sex... I just can't comprehend that.
I want to help others and I feel stymied where I am at. They don't have the men to lead another group for addicts and they won't let a woman take a leadership role. I know in my heart that I am to ready myself to help those battling sexual sins. I just don't know how but God will bring it about in His time. Right now I am studying the bible, listening to apologetics and sermons, studying on porn and homosexuality, praying. There is so much to learn.
The FBI and local police arrested 21 people involved in a child trafficing ring in Omaha yesterday. I am 30 minutes from there. It really bothered me because it brought to the forefront my own abuse as a child. I hurt for the children they saved. It also really brought home the fact that if we let it, sexual sin will take us further down the road to incomprehensible actions then we can even imagine...all because we are searching for something only God can provide...love and true joy.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2015 21:00:19 GMT -7
DELETED
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 15, 2015 2:58:16 GMT -7
Amy,
When I'm b*thcy at that certain that certain time of the month and depressed, I take a break from BG. I'll take a few days off and do some stuff JUST for myself like watching funny movies or doing some paintings.
I was reading through the 100 day devotional that Mike sent us and even he said SA and WoSA have to take a break from Recovery. If you need time off, take care of yourself first and let your mind and body heal.
I've learned to do that myself. I used to push myself everyday to get stuff done, now just going to a drs. appointment wipes me out. So yesterday, I stayed in bed and watched NF. Both kids turned for the worse and have head colds so there is no school this week.
Hubby has a four day weekend so that's nice.
And............you have every right to work through the anger against your ex. I still do with my current spouse. Take care hon and hugs.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2015 17:38:42 GMT -7
DELETED
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2015 17:47:42 GMT -7
The depression is there. I am having a hard time because of what we found out about Ellie also being abused by Craig. I feel guilty for not being there to stop it and I wasn't even in the picture at the time it happened. I am tired. Mentally tired. Ugh...maybe I should think about going through another round of ECTs. I want to get beyond this mess but more keeps piling up. I badly want to crawl into a hole for awhile and ignore everything.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 16, 2015 17:56:34 GMT -7
DELETED
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2015 6:44:40 GMT -7
The problem is that Ellie doesn't remember it which doesn't surprise me. To hit your head hard enough to cause brain injury might cause memory issues. Beth is going forward with terminating his parental rights. With the evidence of Colby's abuse and the doctor's saying it was abuse that caused Ellie's trauma, she won't have any trouble getting it.
I blocked out my dad's abuse until I was an adult and he was turned in for possible child abuse when I was in 8th grade. All the kids where interviewed and we all denied it. Sometimes kids block this stuff out until they can handle it. And Ellie even though she is 11, has the mental capacity of a 6 year old.
It is hard for me because I so want him to suffer as he has made his kids suffer. I know it's not a Christian response but I would love to be the one to castrate him. Ugh more praying and letting go for me.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 17, 2015 20:27:12 GMT -7
My Dear Amy, I find myself at a loss as to what to say. You have seen much hurt in your life, much without any real sense to it all. Yes children do block things out as a coping mechanism. Their young minds don't know how to process such trama. God made Ellie and Colby beautiful and no amount of abuse will ever change that. You have to believe God was there when the incident happened and his heart grieved as much as yours does now. He was God then and is God now. People say that if God was loving he would stop all evil. Well I often think that way too. However I've learned something's about God. Without evil, pain, heartache, loss there would be no use for God. There would be no need for someone so loving to save us. God knows pain. He watched his only son get tortured repeatedly for something that wasn't his fault. His son was abused every way known to man. (even sexually abused - he was stripped and humiliated) God watched his son die the most horrible death known to mankind so that you and I could be saved. Now forgive me for saying this but do you really want God to do away with pain and suffering? Pain and suffering is what saved us and continues to save us every day of our lives. I love you sister and can never replace the pain you went through. Know this: it has made you the incredible woman you are today. One who isn't afraid to challenge people to change. You speak the truth in love for all of us here in BG and we wouldn't want it any other way.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2015 5:33:37 GMT -7
DELETED
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2015 10:54:44 GMT -7
John if I could hug you, I would. I wouldn't change anything that happened to me because it has made me who I am today. It's just hard to see that when it is someone you love that is experiencing the pain.
You are right Colby and Ellie are amazing young people. They are thriving under Beth and Tiffani's love and guidance.
My cat has decided she needs snuggles...lol.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 18, 2015 10:59:07 GMT -7
Edit: I didn't see where it said whether or not we could post pics of ourselves...if this isn't allowed, please delete.
|
|