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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2015 4:30:47 GMT -7
I have been under a lot of stress lately. Miscarriage, abuse, divorce. So my addictions....porn and overeating...are wanting back in. I was doing ok when the stress first started piling on because I was able to exercise. Now with my health acting up I don't have that outlet.
Seeing the images that my husband was viewing didn't help. I am having a hard time getting some of them out of my head. It's like the worst trigger. I keep going to God asking for a pure heart, soul, spirit and mind. I know it's going to take time and I know with God's help I am strong enough to say no. I just hate being in this position again. The feeling that "I need it"....argh! I DON'T need or WANT it. The fake love and gratification is not what I am after. I WANT and NEED the real love...the unconditional love that only God can give me.
I just want to cry my eyes out. Lord I can't handle this mess on my own. I need you everyday always. I don't care how tough my life gets...you are not getting rid of me! I am staying in your love, Grace and mercy....where I am safe. So bring it Satan! Let's see what I am made of....I can tell you right now it's God's love and a fighting spirit.
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wiltingiris
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Occupation: Stay at Home schooling mom
Interests: Worship ministries, Moms ministry, Awana, Childrens church.
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Post by wiltingiris on Jul 25, 2015 8:39:58 GMT -7
Wow A you are inspiring your self that is cool. Keep it up I will pray for you. I know things get tough and sometimes we don't pray enough or read the bible and go in to battle without our weapons. Remember to carry your weapons to battle and continue to bring yourself accountable as soon as you feel the pull get on Blazing grace for a quick prayer. Someone will come on and pray for your request also if you like some godly words I encourage people to visit my posts and my friends posts on A good Word here on Blazing grace forums. You can also put a scripture there or something you have learned or how Gods word might be impacting you or even if a scripture has been useful in times of temptation. God bless, thanks for sharing.
P.S. I understand where you are coming from I have been diagnosed with Major depressive disorder, I lost a daughter in 2009. Also my dad in 1996. To have a husband with PA and MA can bring out some very destructive patterns like medicating with food. I have used P in the past also MB but they do not control me. Food has always been my hardest to handle. I am obese and have had close encounters with death because of it. I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. You are not alone we here understand your pain do not be afraid to come back and share with us.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2015 8:48:23 GMT -7
I will visit your thread as soon as someone figures out why I cannot post to others threads. Thank you for your prayers wiltingiris. I need them always.
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wiltingiris
Member
Posts: 155
Occupation: Stay at Home schooling mom
Interests: Worship ministries, Moms ministry, Awana, Childrens church.
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Post by wiltingiris on Jul 25, 2015 8:53:59 GMT -7
I had trouble posting just now too my husband tells me that usually happens if I am trying to post right away and he says I need to wait 5 minutes after logging in. I edited my post trying not to sound annoying on them. Just wanting to share enough to make a point. Anyways, will pray right now Thanks again
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2015 10:31:55 GMT -7
I will say a mega dittos to Iris's post! She has such good encouraging posts that help me to remember to lean on God and not on myself.
Amy, you can send a private message to Mike the site's owner and let him know you're having post problems. Or there is also a topic where you can let him know your posting troubles.
I know my posts won't show up like Iris said for a few minutes.
Amy, and I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through and I can totally relate. The women here support each other b/c we all share the same pain and betrayal. I like it that we don't try to fix each other, however having a listening ear on the forum is a great way to heal.
I am so sorry you lost a baby. How long ago was this if it's OK to ask?
I struggle with health troubles too like migraines and fibromyalgia. They used to be worse, but the gluten free diet has helped my health 80%. I've got it on my goals list to exercise every day and that's the one I never do.
I know I am Miss Independence and God has shown me that when I am weak, HE is strong.
There is a book I recommend to all the ladies on here called, "Your Sexually Addicted Spouse" and you can get it on Amazon for 13 bucks. The two authors have been through being married to SAs. They don't call us codependent on our spouse and they come at our reactions to their addiction as Trauma and PTSD. I have the book listed under the resource thread. I refer to it often. And Mike has great articles here for the wives.
It took his wife 15 years to fully forgive him. My h and I are finding to recovery for him and healing for me is a painful process that will like you said take time.
Some of the few symptoms I have are: nightmares, triggers where I will be fine one minute and then angry or crying (and crying is very hard for me) the next minute. I have struggled with depression and panic attacks which I have to take meds for.
I will add you to my prayer list and may God heal your health soon. Hugs.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2015 10:59:25 GMT -7
Thanks Homeschooler3, unfortunately I can't access the PM system at all or reply to threads that others have started. Kevin said I could contact Mike via Facebook so I will try that.
I am disabled due to mental illness. I suffer with PTSD and bipolar with a bent toward depression. The PTSD has eased up to almost nothing over the years. Dealing with everything surrounding my molestation by dad really helped. Of course God was the driving factor in dealing with it. Turned out for me to get a hold of my addictions, I had to deal with it. It was a driving factor of what got my addictions going.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2015 10:59:31 GMT -7
Deleted double post
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2015 11:37:04 GMT -7
OK, I just let Mike know in a Private Message that you're having trouble.
And praise the LORD the PTSD is better. When I found the porn link on my hubby's puter for the first time, I started going through trauma and then his continual relapses caused me to go through PTSD. I still struggle somedays with grieving over what could've been.
We had a thread going where Iris opened up about her sexual abuse. Mike the site owner acknowledge that he was and then I shared my hubby's story as well.
I haven't been through this type of abuse, but my stepfather tried to test the boundaries by kissing me on the back of the neck when I was 16 as I bent down to get something out of the fridge. He did this right in front of my mom who said nothing.
So...I dragged her down the hall and told her I didn't like it and she said well, go tell him. I was so hurt that she didn't call the police, press charges and then leave him.
But, I did tell him I didn't like that and to never to it again. His response was to say, "YOU make me feel like a dirty b*astard" and then he got in his car and sped off. It came out in court years later by his oldest daughter that he molested her.
I'm so sorry you had to deal with sexual abuse. I'm glad you've been able to deal with it with God's help.
Sexual abuse and sexual addiction seems to go hand in hand. Not always, but it seems more often than not.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2015 11:39:11 GMT -7
Oh, and my mom and disabled sis live with us. My sis is bedridden with an unknown nuerological disease and we help take care of her when mom works during the day.
We've been able to rebuild the relationships my sociopath of a stepfather destroyed. It's exciting to see God restore what Satan tried to destroy.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2015 11:44:50 GMT -7
I replied to your post HS3....I know I did...unless I finally lost my mind. Maybe it will show up later? If it doesn't show, I will respond again.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2015 11:54:53 GMT -7
Now my post shows up....It is going to take some time for me to get used to this forum.
It sounds like you did experience abuse in your life. It may not have been severe but it was abuse. I am so glad you stood up for yourself!
I am also praising God that you are rebuilding the relationships with your mom and sister. That is a major accomplishment along with it being a thorn in Satan's side.
Thank you for contacting Mike for me. I will patiently wait for Monday.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2015 11:55:07 GMT -7
Deleted. Dup post. Got an unknown error message so I hit the post button again. lol
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2015 13:18:05 GMT -7
DELETED
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2015 13:54:13 GMT -7
HS3, sorry I missed a question you asked about my miscarriage. My miscarriage started in May and ended in June. I was 7 weeks when it started. I named her Victoria Rose. It is hard to lose a child no matter the age.
I hate to say this but it's true for me. I am glad my baby is with God right now. What I found H looking at was underage stuff. I wouldn't want to have to fight for full custody but I would have. H gets vindictive and angry. I am glad he has nothing to use against me. The cops couldn't arrest him because what I found was circumstantial... It was in the middle of his porn binge but because the underage girl kept her clothes on it could be said that he took a break. Although the same info was used to get a protection order for my stepkids.
I am so sad about all this. The only good to come out of it is my relationships with my stepkids and their mother. They want me to remain in their lives. Which I thank God for.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 25, 2015 18:43:59 GMT -7
That's a nice name.
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