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Post by Deleted on Aug 4, 2015 22:28:32 GMT -7
Amy,
My house has the lived in look. If people don't like it, too bad and that includes the hubby who complains about it when he never used to.
My kiddos do chores, but I'm not finicky about keeping a perfect house b/c I don't want to spend my life cleaning all the time.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 4, 2015 23:42:54 GMT -7
I agree with you HS3. I am no longer persnickity about having a perfectly clean house. But less clutter and grime would be nice. I love my brother but if he drops or spills food, it stays where it lands...my sisters are somewhat better but they lean more towards clutter. Mom helps where she can but she can't see very well and her mobility is limited. Mom and I cleaned commercial and residential properties for a living for many years so we know how to clean.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 4, 2015 23:55:44 GMT -7
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KevinesKay
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Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Aug 5, 2015 0:35:57 GMT -7
We talked a bit about addiction and how people want it to be easy to overcome. It is never easy to overcome but with God it is possible. It's like you have to not only get it out of your system but you have to show your faith and love of God by choosing Him over the sin. And that choice is made second by second, day by day, month by month, year by year. We will never be able to forget and slack off. We will always have to be diligent in our lives and the choices we make. That is the price of allowing sin to rule us to such an extent that it becomes an addiction. And it is not a price God expects of us but one we have to make of ourselves because we love Him and are thankful for His forgiveness. God will forgive us every time we ask for it but who wants to continually have to ask for it...who wants to let down someone who loves them unconditionally? I will ask for forgiveness as often as I need it and yes I will let down God but if it is within my power to choose God over sin, then I am choosing God. That is so well said, Amy. And so true. Thanks for sharing.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2015 4:40:56 GMT -7
Today's sermon was on obeying God. This verse hit home with me. It is so true. It's when we turn away from God and toward our own desires that sin has the chance to enter into our lives. The closer we stay to God and His word the less chance sin has to enter because we will choose right instead.
Gen 4:7
7 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.â€
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Post by Deleted on Aug 9, 2015 5:16:16 GMT -7
I've always liked these two verses. Hebrews 12:1-2
12 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2015 6:04:19 GMT -7
Got some upsetting news today. My stepdaughter Ellie's kidneys aren't working right and it is pretty serious. The initial testing looked bad enough for the specialists to get her in next week when they usually schedule out 2-3 months for new patients. They need a 36 hour urine collection sample or they would get her in sooner. Please pray for her.
Both the kids start back to school tomorrow. Colby will be starting high school and Ellie will start middle school. They are nervous about the new schools but excited too.
I got to see Ellie ride a horse. She is in the Smiles program they help kids with disabilities learn balance and different skills with horseback riding. Ellie has progressed a lot this year and is now learning to trot without a lead.
I have counseling in a few and a psych doc appt after. Not looking forward to the counseling session. Been a teary eyed mess what with it being that time of the month and now the business with Ellie. I am debating on wether or not to try and get a hold of Craig to tell him what is going on with her. I don't know if I should and I would definitely talk to her mother first before I try. I am confused on what to do. Guess I better pray about it and talk to Beth.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2015 10:06:38 GMT -7
I will pray for Ellie's health as well. May God give you wisdom in the situation.
I have to go to the psychiatrist for panic attacks. I hate taking pills, but I finally had to do something b/c they were so bad, I would shake.
Once I started the meds, my daughter said that it was the first time she saw me smile in a long time.
They haven't been as bad now that my hubby had a FT job and now that he's taking his sobriety seriously. Have a porn addicted hubby just drained me of all joy.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2015 10:28:30 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2015 11:56:42 GMT -7
Thank you both for your prayers. Doc put me on a new med to help with my tiredness until I get to see the specialist and figure out what is going on physically. I hope the new med helps some.
Talked with both kids. Colby is as stoic as ever but I told him what I admire and respect about him. He never gives up no matter what life throws at him. Ellie girl got her hair died pink...just the back underneath part. She is going to look adorable.
Beth wants to wait until she knows more of what is going on with Ellie before contacting Craig. Then she will write him a letter and explain it all. She would call but they don't answer the phones or texts.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 12, 2015 17:42:40 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Aug 17, 2015 20:40:15 GMT -7
I have been struggling the last couple of days not with porn but with sadness. All I want to do is cry. I lost my baby and my husband. Why did it have to be both? Couldn't God have left me with one? I just don't feel like trying anymore...why bother? I always get **** on. I fought through my childhood, turned myself around to where I could actually like who I am. I never thought I would get married or get pregnant...then it happens and lo and behold I lose the baby and my husband. The worst part is that I feel like I am to blame. I am having a hard time getting passed that and forgiving myself for not handling things better that night. Maybe if I had responded different he wouldn't have lost it. Maybe if I hadn't called him a liar and untrustworthy....
Now with my health I am wondering if that is the reason I lost the baby. Did my lack of health kill my child?
I hurt. My heart hurts. I am having a hard time not blaming myself and I am angry with God for letting all this happen. Is there something wrong with me being happy for once?
Lord, I need help getting through this. I need peace and to be ok with not knowing why this happened. Help me God. I don't want to be angry with you. I don't want to be this sad. I don't want to be this physically ill. Please help me Lord.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2015 8:43:56 GMT -7
Angry at God but notice who I still run to when I am hurting. Now if that isn't an example of love and faith. The world would say to turn from God since He let me down...but even in my despair I know in my heart that God is the only way to get through this. He will even help me with my anger at Him. I have told so many that God can handle your anger and He can. I have been here before when dealing with my sexual abuse. He will get me through this and I will come out closer to Him and stronger. I am back to fighting even though my head feels like it's about ready to explode...I have been having headaches lately but not this bad. I just started that new med and one of the side effects is headaches so I am not taking it for a couple of days to see if my headaches ease up.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2015 18:42:09 GMT -7
I am so so sorry you lost your baby, Amy. You are in no way to blame for losing the baby.
And I understand anger at God. Do you know what I did about three years ago b/c I was so angry at God for giving me a porn addict for a hubby? I ripped up a Bible and screamed at the ceiling toward Heaven and said that God/He didn't love me.
I have health problems too and they never seem to stop. Today, I have a horrible sore throat that is going into bronchitis again. Luckily, I had some leftover antibiotics so I started them already. I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow and I don't even know if I can drive b/c I feel so rotten.
I broke my jaw when I was 14 and lived that way until I was 30 when I had TMJ surgery to put the discs back into place. Then, I had Novasure which is an outpatient procedure for heavy monthly bleeding. I woke up screaming and she shoved me out the door with some Advil and a Percocet prescription which didn't touch the pain. We went back and forth for two weeks when an infected uterus finally woke the dumb *** up to the fact that I needed an emergency hysterectomy. Then b/c of all the antibiotics I had to take b/c she burned the UPPER part of my uterus instead of the lower part gave me something called C-Difficuli. Healing from that was more painful then the surgery. Then I broke four bones in six weeks.
I missed out on so much with my kids when they were growing up.
Pain just sux. It drains you/me so much so that we don't have any energy.
But, I didn't want to just talk about myself. I just wanted to say that I totally understand the anger. How could a loving God make us suffer so? That's how I feel. I wasn't sexually abused, but I was abandoned a lot even by my own mother...and now my husband. I told him that after all I suffered growing up, couldn't God at LEAST give me a husband who loved me enough not to get involved with PA???!!! How can he love me and then make me suffer?
I don't have an answer.
Amy, I will pray for your health every day that God will perform a miracle and restore you to good health. I pray that God will steer you to the right doctors who can help you. I'm also going to pray that if it's God's will, that when you're both ready, God will give you a Godly husband and children someday. Those desires you have to have a family are normal. What is that verse?....Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. ~ Psalm 37:4
I wish we lived close enough to where we could get together and have coffee and/or lunch. However, I think it would be a LONG drive for us LOL!
However, if you're ever on or near the East Coast, you'd be welcome to visit me and my family any time! I live about 3 hours South of DC. I95 runs pretty close to my house.
Take care, hon. Hugs!
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Post by Deleted on Aug 20, 2015 6:52:45 GMT -7
HS3 thank you. Your understanding and friendship mean a lot to me. I know I would love to get together with you some day. If God is willing, it will happen. Know that you have a forever friend in me. I don't offer friendship easily because of being burned so much growing up.
Yesterday was hard. My headache was much better. I had counseling and got my head wrapped around the hubby not changing the way he reacted no matter what I would have said. Then guess who texted me? I am like "well played Satan...well played." I know hubby isn't Satan but to have him just out blue text me after over a week of silence... He lost the court papers (not surprising) so I gave him date and time and told him I would mail it again. He then wanted to make sure I wouldn't dirty it up in court and he promised he wouldn't either. (Hello? He has nothing on me) Then the idiot gets chatty with me. Uhhh...this from the guy that didn't want anything to do with me and wouldn't return my texts when trying to get the divorce going.
Ugh I have to go. I will finish this later.
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