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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2015 3:48:23 GMT -7
I think what hurts me the most is that I can never get those 11 years back.
And, he could stay sober for 10 or 20 years and then go back to it and never quit.
Didn't the guy who created AA go back to alcohol after 45 years of being sober?
There will always be in little or perhaps BIG doubt in my mind that he could go back to porn. I gave him my purity, three beautiful healthy children, supported him in his business ventures, put up with his family who tried to destroy our marriage too and how did he reward me? He cheated on my with porn. It's like he sucked the life out of me and brought me to see things I never knew existed.
IF, I stay, it's going to take a LONG time for me to trust him and forgive him. I know for certain he has killed most if not all of the love I felt for him b/c he didn't give love back.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 24, 2015 12:43:15 GMT -7
You have been such a blessing to your family Sister.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 26, 2015 22:31:53 GMT -7
DELETED
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Post by Deleted on Mar 28, 2015 12:55:45 GMT -7
HS3,
Why do good people suffer and have bad things happen to them? That is a question that has been asked since Adam and Eve. You and your children have had many bad things happen to you. Job asked this question and the dialog with friends and God sets the tone for the many who have asked the same since and continue to ask. God is sovereign and he knows everything from past, the present, and the future and perhaps he is helping you to grow and strengthen in areas only he knows you need. "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 See it? All things, not just good but bad. If we are to grow to be more Christ-like we need to seek Him in all that happens and do good, for judgement, anger, revenge are not what he seeks for or from us. We are to "Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." Romans 12:16-18. These are hard things to do and maybe comprehend so ask God to help understand them and do them. I struggle each day to live this way and pray he teaches me to dump my pride and put on love, even for those who wronged me or hate me.
Blessings and peace to you,
Nikanor
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Post by Deleted on Mar 29, 2015 21:06:26 GMT -7
Wow, just wow. I didn't even think libraries would allow porn.
I know our library has a section of books for women. I think they are called Harlequin books? The pics on there are def. suggestive.
I guess with the federal government funding our libraries, it shouldn't shock me. Remember the 90s and what Bill Clinton did? I heard stories that kids were copying what he did b/c the president said it wasn't "sex." Our culture is rotting from within b/c God is being removed.
What is that verse, "The wicked shall be turned into Hell and all nations that forget God?"
What's where we are.
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KevinesKay
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Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 31, 2015 9:29:00 GMT -7
Back before the internet, I acted out so much in the libraries and bookstores. They were my favorite places to act out for free with books on photography, sex, and foreign magazines.
I have to still be very vigilant when I enter those places. For me, to simply enter a bookstore or library with the intention of browsing is one of my strong rituals. Such a behavior would at least be considered crossing my middle circle boundaries.
Given the fact that this husband regularly uses the library to do porn, if I were in his shoes, I would do every thing I could to avoid the libraries and bookstores for a very long time.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2015 6:43:55 GMT -7
GREAT TOPIC,Very important observation you found. I can certainly add a few words from experience. Yes most definitely porn is a cursed object. literally. Perversion dates back to the earliest of times as one of the most original and evil sins deriving from occult practices and idol worship.Completely against God .This is a fact.
It is an abomination. I know in the years when my husband was bringing it into our home before we were separated, the worse and more evil it got, the more certain manafestations and like energy was present.
There is God and his presence and there is satanic presence. When we cleansed our home [and it seemed like we were never done, there was always something else that we knew needed to go], we experienced many things we both were in awe of that showed a presence was there and did not want to leave. It is not hokey, or corny. It is spiritual warfare. Bible sais once you rid your house of the sin, keep it out , fill it with something beautiful, don't bring it back it in , because you will bring in even more spirits than before and it will be harder to rid. not exactly the language used but the same thing essentially.
Porn brings in such an evil presence to a home.Why do you think you hear about homes where porn has been ,having small children start to have a problem M..ing For no reason.They know nothing about it,are innocent and have never been touched.The reason is that The presence is there. Bible warns about bringing ungodly things into your home and the consequences . continually through out. Porn and even thoughts and fantasies are dangerous dangerous ground . Great topic and deeper than we can see sometimes.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 3, 2015 14:50:31 GMT -7
Yes it is a fact that you can get porn in our library. they have a filter on their computers but you can get around it in how you search. plus KK is so right. bookstores and libraries are full of erotica with photos, dirty books with pictures. And some of it is filthy.heck he takes pictures of stuff with his little camera and keeps the stuff on his camera since his ph is not possible, If an addict is in a baren desert he can find a way to have porn if its that important to him. And kk, yes the obvious thing would be to stay away from bookstores and libraries, Have fun with that one. He still isn't where he will drop his pride and see that he HAS to put restrictions on himself. That's why are separated.
And as far as covenant eyes and all that, we aren't living together and he doesnt have access to a home computer. I cant do covenant eyes on every library in the county. So that is why I feel so hopeless, there is absolutely no way to have accountability.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2015 0:14:43 GMT -7
Is he a believer?
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2015 0:16:55 GMT -7
I know I told my husband's sponsor that I want a choice as to whether I want to live with someone who will be tempted for the rest of his life.
I just don't know yet..........
The pain gets so unbearable, that I regret the marriage. 11 Years of this will drive a women to the funny farm.
The separation has done me a lot of good and it's decreased the tension b/t us.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 11, 2015 16:24:25 GMT -7
Good points, if we take Spiritual Warfare seriously we need to be well dressed and well armed for battle. Flippantly straying off in such an arena can have serious consequences.
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KevinesKay
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Post by KevinesKay on Apr 18, 2015 2:49:00 GMT -7
Stev64,
I was going to share on this thread some more, but realize it was just a repetition of what I shared before.
If anyone else has thoughts about this, we'd encourage you to let us know.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 18, 2015 23:36:51 GMT -7
TESTIMONY WAY TOO PERSONAL DELETED
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Post by Deleted on Apr 19, 2015 1:46:53 GMT -7
Strong story Stev64. Thank you.
I do not have OCD (that I know of), but there were times when I would find myself alone and ravenously consume porn. I always felt guilty afterword, but then the devil would whisper in my ear that I wasn't hurting anyone, etc. etc. etc.
I came to the end of myself about a month before I joined this board, maybe a bit longer. My wife had taken a three week break and was staying in a hotel. I remember sitting here on the couch. I had been curious about "sexual immorality" for sometime, but had never raised the courage to look it up and figure out what it meant. In all honesty, I guess I didn't want to know. But that day, I did and I looked it up and had my eyes opened. I have not viewed porn since. It took a bit longer to break the MB habit, but I believe I have overcome that as well.
Yes, I am still tempted and I'm sure the devil will arrive in full force in two weeks when my wife moves into her apartment. But, I am determined to beat this and know that by the grace of God, I will. I am working very hard to live my life daily to glorify God. I am not always successful, but I have beaten the porn issue and I'm working hard on the rest.
I will leave for Church in about 30 min. After services today, the Pastor is having his quarterly lunch for new members. I am looking forward to attending that. I hope to find out about a men's group and possibly a bible study. I'm looking to put on God's armor for the future, and I believe attending both will be of great help.
God bless you brother. You are doing well and I appreciate your honesty.
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wiltingiris
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Post by wiltingiris on Apr 19, 2015 6:52:14 GMT -7
I am going to share an experience I had, believe it or not sort of deal. When I was 18 I lived in a re-entry home for people who were clean and getting into ministry this is after the person has finished the rehab program but I skipped that part since i never did drugs. I was placed in the re-entry due to homelessness. In the re-entry we learned to be leaders and we were all involved in some sort of ministry. I was involved in the worship team. One day we got an emergency call that someone needed to be housed and they had to place this person with us first since it was to late at night to place her anywhere else. She was placed on our couch. I slept in a closet / bedroom only a tiny bed could fit there, no window just the tiny confined space and a door. I felt afraid that night having someone new in the house made me nervous. I asked if I could sleep with the light on. Although I had the light on. I was being consumed with fear and the first attack someone kept shutting off the light. I got even more scared. I closed my eyes and tried to sleep and I felt hands choking me I opened my eyes and no one was there lights on and I felt these hands continually grabbing hold of me. I cried Jesus and they let go and I ran. They said it must have been a nightmare go back to sleep. I went back to the room but could not sleep. I sat up just terrified then a large figure walked in front of my room it looked like a huge goat with hair like a lion but white very tall and all it did was look at me and walked only once in front of my door. As soon as it passed I ran screaming. Then they all woke up and gathered in the kitchen to pray for me. The one lady that was on the couch was freaky when I looked at her she opened her eyes in a strange way. The ladies continued to talk and have late night snack and refreshments while I went to the living room just pazing scared about what was going on. The lady sat up and told me I should do certain things and I was confused so I told my leader and she said that is witchcraft she then told me that I brought on a spirit of fear and we needed to pray some more. The lady was asked to leave they blessed the home and prayed they knew none of this was a coincidence our home had been under attack. I believe in spiritual warfare and I believe that it is not just porn we cant leave porn and adapt ourselves to other sins because they might not seem as big to us. We need to refrain from all manner of sin. It is hard but not impossible. Seeking the closeness with God and resisting the devil. I was 18 I wasn't saved yet. I received salvation at the age of 19 I was a baby christian and did not understand many things. But God's grace was with me and he knew I wanted to be his. Do not open your heart to any of the sins. Lies, gossip, unbelief, worry, fear , Anger,lust and many more. Loving not the world or the things in it. I agree with everyone here these are very detestable things and we should be filled with the holy spirit and the fruits of the spirit. It is a great topic. Today I woke up to a crying little girl but in my mind was a song and I just felt that peace and took care of her at 5:30 am gave her a bath and felt love and this is what happens when instead of going to bed angry and being full of the spirit can bring. God bless.
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