Detestable Things

Great question Steve.

I would like to add to this threat based on my own experiences. By bringing porn and associated sins into my house, I created an environment that robbed my wife of the relationship she believed she entered into. Because I kept my dark secrets hidden, she believed she was the issue. I, because I was a coward to tell the truth, allowed her to believe our issues were her problems. As a result, my wonderful wife has had a significant portion of her life destroyed by my actions. Not only has it affected my wife, but it has affected her relationships with her family and friends as well as my own family and friends. Most important, my activities prevented me from establishing a relationship with God. Therefore, I never stepped up to my role as head of the household. My involvement with porn let to me being emotionally anorexic, which has destroyed my relationship with my wife, quite probably beyond repair. NOTHING good come out of my association with porn...nothing. I will recover from this, with God's help, but there is a long line of destruction that lay behind me.

Not sure if I am on the same sheet as you, but this is what I felt compelled to write after reading your post.

Stev64,

I appreciate your thoughts and observations. As to saving my relationship with my wife. I am not optimistic. I lost her respect and trust. I'm not sure I can ever gain that back. However, only time will tell. Regardless of what happens with my relationship with my wife, I am dedicated to developing a strong relationship with God and I cannot do that if I continue to view porn, fantasize, objectify women, and MB. So, I have learned to keep my focus on Jesus. By doing so, it makes it much easier to follow in his footsteps. I WILL beat this battle. And having done so, and given some time, there is no way to tell where my wife and I may end up. Right now she needs time to heal. So, later this summer I expect her to move into her own place. She can't truly heal living under the same roof as me. I understand that.

Steve, BOM,

I've thinking about this a lot.  One of my outer circle behaviors states,

Maintain a home environment that is peaceful, calm, simple, and serene.

My home is my castle, my safe haven.  I can't say that about any other place I live in, not even church.  And to think that I let the enemy, pornography, into my home.  That really displeases me.

Taking back my home for the glory of God has had some benefits.  My daughter is still habitually getting up every morning for a quiet time with the Lord.  She prays and worships Him with her ukulele.  She's not even 8 yet.  How cute.  She saw me doing it, and now she's incorporating that into her life.

On the other hand, my oldest son, who loves me deeply, saw me at my worst.  He witnessed the damage that my pornography use has done.  My wife shared how this affects his security in his parents' marriage.  Both of my sons have experimented with pornography themselves.  And that makes me feel bad.

 

Well said Steve64 I can appreciate what you just said to Kevin, thank you.  

To everyone on this thread...

There are good questions posed here and great responses.  Just keep in mind that ultimately you want to be under the cross of Jesus and looking up.  His dripping blood covers you and all the sin that resides in you from the past, the present, and the future.  The hammer is in your hands, the evidence is plain and in sight.  But his blood covers everything, it may seem messy, but remember he is willingly bleeding for every thought, word, and action you have ever taken and will take.  When Christ rose from the grave that blood turned white and now you can approach God.  Can you imagine it?    Even though you sinned and continue to sin he loves you so much he willingly lets you hammer those nails in again and again and again, until you can't anymore because you can't bear that no matter how often or how hard you hammer he keeps taking it and doesn't fight you or try to escape even though he could destroy you in an instant.

His love for you and I is so deep you nor I will never understand the depths of it.  But I am grateful nonetheless.    Trust God to do the impossible because he did, he can, and he will.  Sometimes we have to endure punishment for our wrongs, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love us or plan the best for us no more than we want that for our children who we punish when they do wrong.  You have to have the long and loving view of the world.  Our goal is to be with God eternally, not to conform to this world so what is 80 or however many years we have compared to eternity?

I am happy to be in his service to the others who need to know him.

Nikanor

Steve64,
I think that quote from Valiant Man's manual is correct to a point.  Most of the porn images we have viewed and fantasies we have developed or played out are going to be in our heads for a long, long time to come.   However, they do not need to rule us or dominate our decision making.  Only by crowding them out with better visions of Jesus and the Gospel message will they fade.   You need to take those thoughts (images, etc.)  captive when they first come up and send them to your mental trash bin and think on Jesus, the cross, heaven, etc.  This is why we need to memorize scripture, have Christian music running through our minds, great sermons, and so much more that will quickly if not automatically replace those programmed thoughts from long periods of exposure to porn or other erotic input.  Starve the beast and feed the Lamb.   All this takes hard work and dedication.
Just my two cents worth.
Nikanor