KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,744
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 21, 2015 2:54:49 GMT -7
First, I wanted to sum up the first 4 days of Setting Captives Free.
Day 1 – My primary intention to stop porn, should be for the glory of God. Day 2 – I should draw upon the living water that Jesus provides as opposed to the dirty water that porn is. Day 3 – Secrecy fuels my addictive bonds. Being set free from porn demands that I bring my sin out into the light. Day 4 – Jesus Christ paid the penalty for my sin. I am no longer an enemy of God. Because of Jesus' sacrifice, I am considered one of God's own children. One thing I like about Setting Captives Free is that at the end of each lesson it holds me accountable to whether or not I've been "Feasting" on God's Word. Now that could mean more than just reading the Bible. It can also include spending time in prayer or worship, and fellowshipping with other believers. I make sure I drank water every day. In fact, most of us don't drink enough of it. The same goes with "Spiritual Water". I need to drink of it at least daily. Without it, I will go thirsty. A full soul loaths a honeycomb, but to the hungry soul, every bitter thing is sweet. Proverbs 27:7 Few places hold me accountable to this daily practice. Places like a 12-step meeting provide a lot of information, tools, and support. But it won't intrinsically stress the importance of developing this daily practive. In fact, church won't do it either. I only know of one other fellowship that does other than Setting Captives Free. That is Reformers Unanimous, a baptist-based addictions recovery program. They make an excellent attempt at getting the members to focus more on their relationship with God and less on their addictions. In fact, no rewards are given for sobriety. Awards are given based on acheivements earned based on scripture memory, attendance, witnessing, and Bible study. Now that doesn't mean I should drop all these other fellowships. As an individual, I can still use the resources available to practice holding myself accountable in my 12-step group, in this forum, and at church. And that's what I attempt to achieve with my To-Do List.
The second to the last Love Dare calls me to write a letter of commitment to my wife. It explains why I'm committed to our marriage until death. And I have purposed to love her no matter what. Because according to 1 Corinthians 13, love never fails.
wiltingiris,
I want you to know that I consider you a great treasure given by the Lord. My desire and will is to always love you no matter what. I resolve to stay committed to our marriage even when its difficult. Because I will always love you. God will supply me with the unfailing, unconditional love required to make this possible. I trust Him with that.
wiltingiris,
I love you more than sex... I love you more than love itself... I love you more than I love feeling good...
I love you not for what you do for me, or how you make me feel,
but for who you are.
I love you,
Your husband,
KK
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Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2015 12:32:29 GMT -7
You are doing great KK, keep it up. Keep looking toward God and following Jesus and you will beat this.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 21, 2015 16:07:46 GMT -7
You're doing great work here Kevin and good on you for honouring your wife
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wiltingiris
Member
Posts: 155
Occupation: Stay at Home schooling mom
Interests: Worship ministries, Moms ministry, Awana, Childrens church.
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Post by wiltingiris on Mar 22, 2015 15:03:41 GMT -7
I got to say you mentioning me on your post does make me feel honored. I love you too. I do believe we are on the right track and already God is bringing people in your walk for you to reach. I see Gods hands in your life more now that you are getting closer to him. I am glad you decided to work on this for our marriage sake and for our family. Reading your story has brought a different level of understanding for me of where you came from and what you had to endure. I can see how this became part of your life. I too have those webs in my closet and I know how painful it all can be. Being a love addict is just as difficult in a different level. We are in this together honey! I will not give up on us.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,744
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 23, 2015 5:10:21 GMT -7
Thanks everyone. The support I'm getting here is phenomenal. I've done a couple more days of Setting Captives Free. Day 5 - Throwing off everything that hinders us. Day 6 - Turning away from our sin and turning to God. Few programs provide that "in your face" accountability that we addicts so desperately need. I can build accountability in other areas such as church, 12-steps groups, and this forum. And I would encourage that, but I can see how someone can avoid this process. And Settings Captives Free does a good job on making accountability to your online mentor a requirement. I need to share my To-Do list for last week: S M T W T F S Prayer 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 Bible 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 Worship 1 1 1 1 1 Wife 1 Family 1 1 1 Clean 1 1 Workout Outreach 1 1 1 1 1 1 31 points. If I ever score less than 20 points, I'm definitely in trouble. So 30+ points is well into the safe zone. But now, I feel that my progress should be shooting more for growth. As I said before I'm going to be changing my To-Do list around a little. Prayer, Worship, Bible - These things are best done in the morning for me. Now, I don't have to spend hours upon hours. I'm very busy with my family of 6. Even as little as 10 minutes per item is fine, as long as it's consistent. Outreach - This consists of going to church or other Christian fellowship, or making an outreach phone call. I learned that if I don't get myself in the habit of calling someone when I'm fine, I probably won't call someone if I need additional support. I want to do at least 1 outreach per day. The best times for me to make a phone call are on my way home from work. So I need to take advantage of that opportunity. If no one answers the phone, I'm not off the hook. I need to call at least 3 people before I give myself an outreach point when no one answers. Friends that don't respond back get placed at a lower place in my call list. Prayer w/ wife - It is a fact that only 2% of couples that pray together wind up divorcing later. The best time for me to incorporate that is before we go to bed. These first 5 things, I should be doing every day. So that's 35 points right there. wife - I was previously giving myself a wife point for quality time spent with her. However, my wife desires that I only do so if we're intimate. So the bar is raised... family - A family point is awarded when I spend quality time with my children. It could be playing a game, or talking, or going through a school reading lesson. clean - I give myself a cleaning point for taking more than 1 or 2 chores around the home. Doing a couple loads of laundry plus putting away the dishes in the dishwasher would be a good example of a cleaning point. workout - I have my own gym in the basement, but the basement is a mess. I need to pick it up and get to work here. Incorporating the workout in my life will make a huge difference. So, my new goal is to get 45 points each week. As I said before, I'm no longer playing defense from my addiction. I'm planning offense to take back some of what the enemy has stolen. So onto other things... As of yesterday, I have graciously received 11 weeks of sobriety from all of my inner circle behaviors. What a great gift of God! I guess I've stopped counting the days, but I'm still counting the weeks Thank you everyone. May the Lord bless you all.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 23, 2015 15:39:38 GMT -7
Great work again Kevin, we're all proud of you. And yes it all about regaining the turf the enemy has stolen from us.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,744
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 25, 2015 4:11:35 GMT -7
Day 7 of Setting Captives Free stresses the importance of having godly sorrow when recovering from porn addiction. It's often referred as brokeness. Day 8 stresses the importance of having accountability in my life. Having 2 or more people sharing the burden will have better success. But this day stressed a very unique point that I never learned before. It stressed the importance of daily accountability. Furthermore, it challenged me to ensure that my wife was my main accountability partner. Now, that's a little foreign to me. Because where I came from, I held the belief that spouses don't always make good accountability partners because they are too emotionally invested in the relationship. But SCF makes it good point otherwise. For one thing, being accountable to my wife has given me much more motivation to keep custody of my eyes and keep my thoughts pure. Sharing that I entertained a lustful fantasy and that I checked out another women, doesn't often raise too much shock to my male friends. But sharing to my wife makes it a much more difficult matter. She's hurt when I commit adultery with my eyes and heart. But I did agree to disclose to her immediately when I do that. And I have to honest with you, I feel confident that I've kept my end of the bargain. I'm amazed at how this process has helped me. Knowing that I will have to share my lustful thoughts and stares to my wife, has given me a lot of motivation to avoid it altogether. I simply don't like putting her or myself through all of that pain later on simply to get a little fix by looking at or thinking about other women besides my wife. For those of us that don't have wives, I would consider having more than 1 or 2 accountabily partners. It's too easy to slip by one person. What's really cool is that I successfully used this forum to set up more than sufficient accountability. My thread gets at least 10 hits a day. Someone is watching me, and boy! I do feel it! It surprised me in how well it worked. I'm also pleasantly surprised at how SCF is helping me through this process. One additional thing is that it's encouraging me to shortly recap three very important questions on a regular basis? 1) Have I spent time abiding in Jesus via prayer, reading the Bible, worshiping, fellowshiping, witnessing, etc? Yes. I read my Bible and spent time in prayer this morning. I missed a quiet time yesterday morning, but I made up for it with prayer, Reading, and worship last night. 2) Have I acted out by crossing any Inner Circle behaviors? No. 3) Have I crossed any Middle Circle behaviors? No. Thank you, and may God bless you all! KK
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Post by Deleted on Mar 25, 2015 13:33:31 GMT -7
You are doing quite well KK. I hope you keep this up. I know you can if you keep your eyes focused on God. I'm praying that you do so. I agree that the SCF course is very worth while. I have learned a whole lot of things and learn something new every day. Hang in there my friend.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,744
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 26, 2015 16:37:21 GMT -7
Thanks BOM for the encouragement.
SCF days 9 & 10 deal with the fact that we can only overcome by God's Grace. I'm a living testimony of that. The majority of my energy goes into developing my relationship with God.
It's okay for me to have boundaries, but that's not what I depend on. Nowadays, it's too easy for me to use porn and masturbate when I'm relying on my own strength and boundaries.
I'm tired. Been working a lot. Need to shut this down.
1) Have I spent time abiding in Jesus via prayer, reading the Bible, worshiping, fellowshiping, witnessing, etc? Yes, I spent a quiet time this morning with reading the Bible and praying. Also, worshiped and prayed with my wife tonight.
2) Have I acted out by crossing any Inner Circle behaviors? No
3) Have I crossed any Middle Circle behaviors? I've not been getting enough sleep at night. Going to bed too late.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2015 10:07:51 GMT -7
Stick to your program KK. Keep your eyes focused on Christ and you will be fine. You DO need to take care of yourself as you go through this though. I too have been difficulty sleeping, but I take things one day at a time. Your wife is on your side and behind you. THAT is a huge blessing. Focus on that and focus on God. You will get through this.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 27, 2015 14:06:56 GMT -7
Keep up the good work Kevin and Yes sleep and exercise are quite important.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,744
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 29, 2015 8:52:56 GMT -7
All right everyone, here's my new To-Do list for last week. Prayer 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 Bible 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 Worship 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 Pray w/ wife 1 1 1 1 1 1 Outreach 1 1 1 1 1 Wife 1 1 Family 1 1 1 Clean 1 Workout 38 Points. My new goal is 45, so I want to do better this week. Thanks to a special friend from BG that PMed me yesterday , I arranged a special date last night with my wife. We went out to a nice pizza restaurant. We took the girls, but it was still very special. There, my wife told me that for the first time in 9 years, she feels like we are one. Then we had a nice romantic drive to the emergency room! Yippee! Actually, she's had an infection in her elbow for almost 2 months now. Her arm was getting worse and we didn't know what was going on. But she's on medicine now. Praise the Lord! My wife and I have been having some deep conversations. She's been answering a lot of my questions about love, and trust. I learned that for her to not put her trust in me, but on God, is extremely hard for her. It is her desire to trust me. Trusting in my honesty, loyalty, and dependability provide a great sense of security for her. And to redirect that trust to God can threaten that sense of security. But it makes it easier for her to do since I'm practicing more honesty, loyalty, transparancy, and love to her. That's the one thing that's good about Blazing Grace. My wife can see everything that's going on in my recovery. I missed the 12-step fellowships that I was a part of, but my wife hated them. She didn't know who I was associating myself with. She had little information about what I was getting from them. At the end of each meeting, there was the saying. Remember, who you see here, what you hear here, when you leave here, let it stay here.
Keeping the secret about who was there and what was mentioned was the most horrible thing about my meetings to her. But I didn't understand. However, to appease her, I stopped going.... And then my addiction resurfaced.... And that's why I'm here. KevinesKay wrote: I like looking at my old posts. It allows me to acknowledge God's hand in my life after a couple of short months. I can still sense the desperation in my words. Back then, I was really afraid that my wife would find a way to make me stop posting, but instead, she got involved herself. So I'm really grateful that the Lord used BG to help restore me and bring us together. Thank you, everyone.
1) Have I spent time abiding in Jesus via prayer, reading the Bible, worshiping, fellowshiping, witnessing, etc? Yes, I did my Bible reading and prayer time this morning. I also worshipped with my guitar this morning. Since our youngest daughter was sick, we stayed at home and did our own church service today. 2) Have I acted out by crossing any Inner Circle behaviors? No 3) Have I crossed any Middle Circle behaviors? I admitted to wiltingiris that there was a lot of temptation to check out other women at our date last night. I think I did a good job of keeping custody of my eyes, but it wasn't easy. Oh, and I have an announcement, as of today, by the grace of God, I have received 12 weeks of sobriety from all of my inner circle behaviors including pornography and masturbation. Thank you Lord!
KK
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Post by Deleted on Mar 29, 2015 11:55:59 GMT -7
CONGRATULATIONS KK! You are doing very well my man! I'm proud of you. You should be proud of yourself as well! Keep up the good work.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 29, 2015 18:48:03 GMT -7
Excellent work Kevin and great news with the family. Check out Matthew 5 vs 8 : One of the Beatitudes: "Blessed are the pure in Heart for they will see God." Clear and simple we will only have perfect purity when we are standing face to face with God. Until then we still aim for it.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,744
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Apr 2, 2015 2:36:31 GMT -7
Thank you Stev64 and BOM for your kind words of encouragement. Yesterday, we spent a large portion of the day cleaning the house for Easter. We're planning to have my mother and my sister-in-law come over with a bunch more kids. Our small Easter egg hunt will be much bigger now. It will be fun. We plan to do the hunt at night with flashlights. Last month I set up some quarterly goals for myself, I need to share with you my progress, Reading with my daughter: Goal: 30 Achieved: 11 Quality time with wife: Goal: 30 Achieved: 8 Walking with wife: Goal: 30 Achieved: 11 Pages of my book: Goal: 20 Achieved: 5 workout: Goal: 30 Achieved: 0 Duolingo lessons: Goal: 30 Achieved: 0 Job applications: Goal: 12 Achieved: 0 I have not yet cleaned my basement. I have not yet written a song. Now, the bad news is, as you can see, I'm very behind. It's a little embarrassing. And it's not the first time I've butchered up a goal list like above. Following through on commitments has been a struggle for me. The good new is that I have 2 more months left in the quarter. So I have a huge opportunity to catch up on these things. 1) Have I spent time abiding in Jesus via prayer, reading the Bible, worshiping, fellowshiping, witnessing, etc? Yes, each morning I have been spending a quiet time in prayer, Bible reading and worship. 2) Have I acted out by crossing any Inner Circle behaviors? No 3) Have I crossed any Middle Circle behaviors? Later on last night, I was having a challenging time not checking out other women at Walmart. I feel that I did good at not succumbing to temptation, but it was not easy.
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