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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2012 22:53:06 GMT -7
[user=79529]learningtolive[/user] wrote:
A little question for you: How do you know that? Have you asked them?
Hope to be as friendly as I can, but I might not manage to challenge in the right way.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2012 22:55:09 GMT -7
Sometimes, especially when talking with students who struggle with these things, I'll talk directly about the problems in my life caused by perfectionism, by running from my feelings, by struggling to feel worthy, by procrastination, etc. All those things are very much a part of the complex of feelings and struggles that includes my addictive behavior, but I don't need to say that, and I don't. Tim M. Well, I didn't really get this. Do you talk directly or not? Best regards |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2012 22:58:11 GMT -7
[user=79529]learningtolive[/user] wrote: A little question for you: How do you know that? Have you asked them? Hope to be as friendly as I can, but I might not manage to challenge in the right way. No, I haven't asked them, so in that sense, I suppose I don't really know, I just strongly suspect. I've learnt that I have tendency to over-analyse and be overly sensitive to how I think people see me, which is really making an unfair judgement as to what others think. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2012 23:39:23 GMT -7
Tim, a little comment on putting people into boxes. I am not a fan of saying he/ she is an alcholic; He/ She is not.
For me that's a box-thinking. I am thinking more scales. All people might struggle with something to different degrees.
So if you say a person can't do that and that because of that and that, it could be a wise and necessary decision, but if only perfect persons could work or do something, then nobody could do anything.
I would also guess that all parents hurt their kids?
Some more, some less, so in one way all people are from more or less broken homes?
Just some thoughts.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2012 23:50:00 GMT -7
L2L; What could happen if someone didn't like you?
Who do you trust in?
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Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2012 23:54:26 GMT -7
L2L; What could happen if someone didn't like you? Who do you trust in? Well, that's the question, isn't it? God is who I want to trust in and who I try to trust in. But I guess I still have some deep insecurities that lead me to attach an undue amount of importance what I think others think of me. Trying to understand what these insecurities are and where they arise from is, I think, a step towards healing and staying healed. It's why I'm looking to start working with a counsellor. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2012 0:22:45 GMT -7
LearningtoLive; Thanks for sharing. Is it okay if I share some verses from Scripture? I take the chance. They might be helpful for me at least: It is from Jeremiah 17,5-8: Thus says the Lord: “Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength,[ a][/sup] whose heart turns away from the Lord. 6 [/sup] He is like a shrub in the desert, and shall not see any good come. He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness, in an uninhabited salt land. 7 [/sup] “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. 8 [/sup] He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.â€
from
www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Jeremiah+17&version=ESV
It could be that I want to fix you, and that might be wrong of me. Sorry for that if that is so.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2012 0:29:15 GMT -7
Of course, I absolutely believe scriptures like the one you posted above. However, as much as we might believe things with our mind, there can be issues deep in our hearts that prevent us from really grasping the truth and reality of those things.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2012 0:39:46 GMT -7
I was maybe a little bit uneasy about quoating that Scripture maybe because I don't like it too much when people kindo bang Scriptures down my head, and I only feel I am not good enough maybe.
And I also think I don't like it when people shall fix me.
Maybe I did the same with you. If that so, sorry!
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2012 0:45:01 GMT -7
No worries.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2012 2:24:41 GMT -7
[quote author="Man[/user] wrote: [/b]
Well, I didn't really get this. Do you talk directly or not?
Best regards
[/quote]
I talk directly about perfectionism, running from feelings, struggling to feel worthy. I do not talk about the sex addiction.
Tim M.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2012 2:35:30 GMT -7
Tim M, thanks for clarifying.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2012 4:22:09 GMT -7
Tim, a little comment on putting people into boxes. I am not a fan of saying he/ she is an alcholic; He/ She is not. For me that's a box-thinking. I am thinking more scales. All people might struggle with something to different degrees. So if you say a person can't do that and that because of that and that, it could be a wise and necessary decision, but if only perfect persons could work or do something, then nobody could do anything. I would also guess that all parents hurt their kids? Some more, some less, so in one way all people are from more or less broken homes? Just some thoughts. Man, I appreciate the call to less black/white thinking, and to accept the existence of gray. I'm sure there are scales, and that everyone makes mistakes as a parent, some more, some fewer. I'm not persuaded, though, that the existence of borderline cases means that words like "alcoholic" are to be avoided, that my friends who describe themselves that way are mistaken, that my self-description as a sex addict or a cat-lover or whatever is wrong. For me, the trick is to learn to use descriptive terms like that without feeling shame or pride; just describing, approximately and with exceptions, what is. Just my take. Tim M. |
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2012 4:42:43 GMT -7
Hi Tim, thanks for sharing. Sounds good to me.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 4, 2012 20:54:44 GMT -7
I had a two-hour session with a counsellor yesterday evening. It's the first time I've ever been to counselling, and it's taken me a good while to get to the place where I was comfortable doing it — I think I've somehow been conditioned to think that only weak people and losers need that kind of help. But hey, guess what, I am a weak person and am pretty good at being a loser, too!
So anyway, I had already had an introductory meeting with the counsellor a few days earlier, so yesterday we were able to get stuck right in. I basically spent two hours talking about my life – initially recounting my background, upbringing and major events, and then going back and delving into certain key areas in greater depth (in particular, my relationship with my son, which is problematic, and sex/porn/masturbation and my relationship with my wife). It felt a little weird to just be sat there talking about me, but it also felt kind of good to be able to open up to someone and to know that I could be completely honest and this person was not going to be shocked or fazed by anything I might say. I felt a little emotionally tender by the end of it, especially after talking about at length about my sexual hang-ups and failures.
I have another session a week on Tuesday, at which we will start to dig deeper into specific areas.
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