Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2012 12:43:45 GMT -7
Praise God -- Checking in to let y'all know that I'm on Day 296 of Operation No Jack. My eyes are targeted on the achieving the 365-day mark. Okay, what do you achieve when focusing on outer achievements? For me it is not interesting whether you have one day or thousands days. Thanks
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2012 13:14:08 GMT -7
Hey Man, thanks for dropping in again! When my wife left, I made a decision to cull my negatives, strengthen my pluses as well as create new pluses. I started with my core -- what Jesus desired from me all this time, what I'd been ignoring and missing. From there, things started falling into place, piece by piece.
On the porn front, I started talking (and more importantly, being transparent) with my minister (a marriage counselor), the elders, fellow addicts, marriage coaches, family, friends; setup internet blocks that only a friend and family member know...basically surrounding myself in accountability. Those first couple of months were challenging, but the urge to fallback weakened greatly. However, I thought that I could still masturbate and get some kind of pleasure, even if it's not porn-related, so I started this "Operation". I had hiccups for awhile, I would reach 1 month and had to reset the counter, but I've been off for almost 300-days now.
So to answer your question: To me, it's not an outward achievement, it's affected me psychologically, physiologically, emotionally. Similar to exercising or a hobby, the discipline and rewards are great. It's also one less avenue for the Bad Guy downstairs to work through.
I learned this resolution from other addicts, and perhaps it might help some others.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2012 13:20:12 GMT -7
Okay, but how can you say that counting days is not outward?
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2012 13:37:06 GMT -7
Not sure of the point you're trying to make, but yes, it's outward, at least in the beginning. I must say, however, that for someone who has never really taken the initiate to set life goals for himself, setting milestones like these has greatly bettered my life. This counter may continue indefinitely or may go away tomorrow; for now though, when I "outwardly" report the days I'm masturbation-free, the more accountable I feel to y'all, among others.
Another reason I do this is this: Just because I've made my own journey plan with God, I'm not going to just disappear from these forums and the people/friends that have helped me. I still want to be open and transparent with y'all as well. If it seems outward, then perhaps it's merely the limitation of the Internet.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2012 13:47:51 GMT -7
Some people find it useful to count days, and others do not.
For those who do, celebrating benchmarks can be a form of gratitude, giving thanks for the amazing things being done in their lives. It's also a sharing of hope with others. Knowing that some people have been sober for 10 years or longer is a huge piece of hope for me - see what ordinary people like me are capable of! I think especially of AA speakers I've heard who can say things like, "I'm grateful that by the power of God and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, I've been sober for 10851 days, one day at a time."
One possible approach for those who are not day counters is to do what one always does with the shares of others - take what one needs, and leave the rest.
Peace,
Tim M.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 11, 2012 21:57:36 GMT -7
This counter may continue indefinitely or may go away tomorrow I agree.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2012 0:32:53 GMT -7
Some people find it useful to count days, and others do not. For those who do, celebrating benchmarks can be a form of gratitude, giving thanks for the amazing things being done in their lives. It's also a sharing of hope with others. Knowing that some people have been sober for 10 years or longer is a huge piece of hope for me - see what ordinary people like me are capable of! I think especially of AA speakers I've heard who can say things like, "I'm grateful that by the power of God and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, I've been sober for 10851 days, one day at a time." One possible approach for those who are not day counters is to do what one always does with the shares of others - take what one needs, and leave the rest. Peace, Tim M. Yea Tim, my problem might be that I feel threatened by such things; Disagreements or I feel I am invisible, not seen, not valued... I don't know, and I might not know how to handle that... I might not manage to just ignore it. I might get too much struggle inside me. It mgiht come from a troubled child-hood?
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 12, 2012 14:34:25 GMT -7
Man, if you don't mind me asking, what has been your recovery process?
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 13, 2012 0:59:37 GMT -7
Hi Aaronleong, it could be that I have hurt you. It could be because I am a hurt person myself, and I haven't managed to deal with that.
I am sorry for that.
But to share about my own recovery on the board, is something I will do when and if I want to.
When I read your post, I am challenged. I feel stress, and I don't know how to handle that, and I handle that by confronting. It could be better ways?
So, how do you like to be met if you want to say something about it?
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Mar 14, 2012 22:28:44 GMT -7
It could be that it is very wrong of me to attack you if I have problems when I "listen" online...
Hmmmmm
I can't see any better ways to handle my own frustration...
Hmmmm...
Sorry if it isn't the right way to handle it?
hmmm
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2012 17:19:02 GMT -7
Hey Man, you don't hurt my feelings or anything. Just trying to find out where you're coming from. I hope you're doing okay this week.
UPDATE
318 days -- can't believe I've made it this far.
Many of you have continued to inspire me with positivity and hope. The road isn't easy by any means, but I am equipped and more importantly, I have forgiven myself and allowed myself, my heart, my soul, to grow. The stifling nature of porn (and the devil) kept that growth at bay.
This morning during our adults Bible class (we're on a class on God's Walk), we discussed the gravity of temptation(s) and how best to realize, face and overcome it. Since my wife left, I have been sharing my story with anyone and everyone as part of being transparent and accountable. Nonetheless, sharing with the class today was refreshing and a reminder of how far I have come, thanks to God (and His support) and all the people and tools I've put in place to keep the temptation at bay, whatever it is.
Have a great week everybody. I will be filing for child custody sometime this week; not something I wish on anybody. It is something I have to do, due to unfolding (and unfortunate) events. Keep me in your prayers, brothers and sisters! Love you folks.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 1, 2012 22:02:39 GMT -7
Hey Man, you don't hurt my feelings or anything. Just trying to find out where you're coming from. I hope you're doing okay this week. UPDATE 318 days -- can't believe I've made it this far. Many of you have continued to inspire me with positivity and hope. The road isn't easy by any means, but I am equipped and more importantly, and allowed myself, my heart, my soul, to grow. The stifling nature of porn (and the devil) kept that growth at bay. This morning during our adults Bible class (we're on a class on God's Walk), we discussed the gravity of temptation(s) and how best to realize, face and overcome it. Since my wife left, I have been sharing my story with anyone and everyone as part of being transparent and accountable. Nonetheless, sharing with the class today was refreshing and a reminder of how far I have come, thanks to God (and His support) and all the people and tools I've put in place to keep the temptation at bay, whatever it is. Have a great week everybody. I will be filing for child custody sometime this week; not something I wish on anybody. It is something I have to do, due to unfolding (and unfortunate) events. Keep me in your prayers, brothers and sisters! Love you folks. "Hey Man, you don't hurt my feelings or anything. Just trying to find out where you're coming from. I hope you're doing okay this week." Thanks! "I have forgiven myself" Sounds good to forgive oneself. Greetings with 3. John, 2 if you want or to those who want.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2012 4:46:06 GMT -7
I have not read all of the posts but I read your first post and a few subsequent posts. There is still a chance to get your wife back, if you want but it will take effort. I have explained below.
Addiction causes harm to an individual, just like it caused you. She will need healing to to take place but she doesn't understand where or what to do. All she can do is vent the frustration and anger she has had penned up inside, which provides some relief but still no real healing. We put out a video for spouses, you can view them on YouTube: youtube.com/innergold1000
You may want to watch them with her. It can open a dialogue and feelings can be openly shared. The most important thing is - DON'T GET MAD!
Allow her to vent and just listen, listen, listen and do some more listening. If you need to bite your tongue, but don't say anything. Listening is one of the strongest love languages women need, because it helps them to feel emotionally connected. However, when you listen, you have to really listen don't allow yourself to wander of thinking of other things, this is damaging and a small child can even recognize the lack of sincerity.
When you are done listening, you share your thoughts but ask first. She may not want you to speak, which is fine, while you are in the rebuilding phase. A marriage is not something that will last a lifetime without effort. It takes a lot of work, effort, patience, understanding and listening to have a strong marriage but it is worth it!
Women want to be courted all of the time, so court her. Remember the things that you did to gain her love and affection and court her: ask her to go on date; ask her to go on a walk; ask her ... don't just assume because you're married that all of this should happen, nobody likes to be controlled.
As far as the addiction, it sounds like you have been self medicating, which is feeling a void (love) in your life. I would encourage you to watch some of our YouTube videos, which will help you gain a greater understanding of this addiction: youtube.com/innergold1000, which will provide some education so that you can begin your own healing process.
I hope this was helpful.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2012 5:56:18 GMT -7
Very, very helpful videos, Innergold. Thanks for sharing!
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 5, 2012 6:40:48 GMT -7
You're welcome. I am glad we could help. If you have any other questions, just ask.
|
|