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Post by Deleted on Mar 4, 2021 22:54:03 GMT -7
I hope men will look at their wives and see their beauty, and keep a fresh hunger for just their wives only. Porn people are fake, and so wrong. Just like animals and God created us to be greater than animals. Not even dogs hump the way the nasty movies do and I have watched it which tells me how sick, selfish, satanic my natural self is.
Dear God, please help us, please help us men to look at women in absolute purity as Your Word says. Lord, please help Amy with her self-image, you made her beautiful, even if she doesn't see it in her own eyes. Please help Don to respect Amy and their covenant marriage vows. Please help us men and women to walk holy, Lord, we need You so much. In Jesus' name. Amen.
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Post by Will on Mar 5, 2021 2:15:04 GMT -7
Hi guys,
this is such a difficult one. As a man, I can say that pretty much any woman's body can be attractive to a man. Woman are naturally beautiful to us. However, there's a couple of things that have happened to me that make me wonder how as a man we can ever approach this question with women of how they can keep their husbands interested (because I believe they can!)
- When I was in my longest-term relationship ever (not that long!) I was living (in sin) with a woman. At one point she started putting on weight. Now, she knows she's putting on weight. I know she's putting on weight. Because I love her, I don't want to make her feel bad about it. But I can sense that she DOES feel bad about it. Then she says things like 'do you like my body?' What is the right answer here? I did't want to be cruel, but is it better to tell the truth? I genuinely didn't know. Think like a coward I just always said 'yes you look great!' In my heart of hearts I feel like I did not put her best interests first in not telling her the truth.
- Secondly, there's a beloved Christian sister at a Church I used to go to. Her husband had left her. That is a despicable thing in my view. She is a mighty woman of God and a blessing to many people. He should never have left her and should repent. I guess she was about 55 when I met her. She has hair on her top lip, like the beginnings of a moustache. This may sound terrible, but my thought was 'I think she should get that lazered off.' Again, I love her and want the best for her. What should I say? Should I have told her what I thought about it? You see, if it was me I would TOTALLY want to be told. But, not everyone's the same. Especially I think men and women can be quite different about how direct they like communication to be. I asked another dear female sister in the Church about it, saying that maybe she could bring it up as she was a woman. She said that's really too personal to say to someone even if you're also a woman! What is the answer?
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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2021 3:22:32 GMT -7
Hi guys, this is such a difficult one. As a man, I can say that pretty much any woman's body can be attractive to a man. Woman are naturally beautiful to us. However, there's a couple of things that have happened to me that make me wonder how as a man we can ever approach this question with women of how they can keep their husbands interested (because I believe they can!) - When I was in my longest-term relationship ever (not that long!) I was living (in sin) with a woman. At one point she started putting on weight. Now, she knows she's putting on weight. I know she's putting on weight. Because I love her, I don't want to make her feel bad about it. But I can sense that she DOES feel bad about it. Then she says things like 'do you like my body?' What is the right answer here? I did't want to be cruel, but is it better to tell the truth? I genuinely didn't know. Think like a coward I just always said 'yes you look great!' In my heart of hearts I feel like I did not put her best interests first in not telling her the truth. - Secondly, there's a beloved Christian sister at a Church I used to go to. Her husband had left her. That is a despicable thing in my view. She is a mighty woman of God and a blessing to many people. He should never have left her and should repent. I guess she was about 55 when I met her. She has hair on her top lip, like the beginnings of a moustache. This may sound terrible, but my thought was 'I think she should get that lazered off.' Again, I love her and want the best for her. What should I say? Should I have told her what I thought about it? You see, if it was me I would TOTALLY want to be told. But, not everyone's the same. Especially I think men and women can be quite different about how direct they like communication to be. I asked another dear female sister in the Church about it, saying that maybe she could bring it up as she was a woman. She said that's really too personal to say to someone even if you're also a woman! What is the answer?
I don't think I have ever "corrected" the looks of a women, even my own wife. But I wish I could say to a sister who had a booger on her face, you got a little ...then make like a wipe genture, and look away...it's a sensative topic, because women are like princesses and try so hard to look so pretty and they are so fragile.
I'm sensative too, at work, twice, two guys told me, hey man, you got a little something on our face. They didn't make a thing of it. There has been times when I see a piece of salad or something caught in the teeth and I never say anything. I too chicken.
I don't mind so much if anyone correct me. I know the right thing to do is to tell them the truth in love and I just....have no guts, i guess, I don't have enough love yet? I don't.
personally, I don't think overweight women are bad looking, but they might think so. Oh well, I told my wife that I hope we can be romantic until we are 120 years and I mean it.
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javajake
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Post by javajake on Mar 5, 2021 17:17:53 GMT -7
Should of kept that to myself. Didn’t say perfect. A lot of men are slobs yet expect their women to look perfect. But we should both strive to first stay healthy for ourselves and second try to stay attractive to each other. Excepting for health reasons most of us don’t do this. Men and women both. It really doesn't matter in my experience. Didn't matter what my weight was...people are cruel and I have always been made fun of because of the way I look. My genetics will not allow me to look like a swimsuit model. Porn makes women into objects of lust...not the beloved bride of Christ as we should be viewed as. I wonder how different relationships would be if men treated their women as precious gifts from God. I am sorry if I came across as harsh. I was hurting because of how I have been treated lately and was being hit hard by Satan with all the ugliness from others in my past. It is ok Amy. I was a little embarrassed and on hind site hypocritical and forgetting my past. I'm 13 or 14. Just discovering my sex drive. I'm introduced to porn..hard core porn also. So I am messed up right out of the box. And I'm also into drugs. Start dating my first wife. We both are lost and unsaved. I'm 18 or 19 and she is 17 almost 18. We are very sexual. Do I still have porn? Absolutely. Probably looking at it less cause I am preoccupied with real sex. We get married maybe a year or so later. During this first year of marriage God starts pursuing me from a man at my job. Eventually my wife and I both ask the Lord to save us and put our trust in Him. I throw away my things I believed was not right for me to have including my porn stash. Now my wife at this time was attractive and in shape. Yet the temptations of lust was coming upon me and the need to look at something was creeping in. I as a young Christian was surprised. I though cause I gave this stuff up it was done. Boy was I in for an awakening. Things were creeping back in in the lust and self pleasuring department. It crushed me but was to embarrassed to talk to anyone about it. During the 7 years my former wife and I were married I eventually got back into viewing porn. It started with womens magazines and store catalogs. Then we got a vcr and I eventually got into the porn videos. My former wife didn't know how addicted I was to this. We did watch a couple together(my idea) but she didn't want to after that. She eventually divorced me after having an affair with a office worker. During our marriage she never denied me sex and was actually wanting a bit more than me. But I had a secret lover on the side too...porn. My current wife of 30 years has never really denied me sex just occasionally for various reasons. Yet when we married 30 years ago in our late 20's she was very attractive and in shape...yet I stay addicted to porn. She is still attractive to me. Now she has gained weight over the years and it bothers her but I still find her attractive but she is not comfortable with it. She knows about most of my porn issues So yeah.. guilty |
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Post by Will on Mar 5, 2021 18:07:17 GMT -7
Thanks Jake for this really honest share. It so helps to hear other peoples' stories
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javajake
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Post by javajake on Mar 6, 2021 9:41:26 GMT -7
Going over it again helps me sort out the lies I tell myself. I think of King David. Has several wives and concubines. As a King I would imagine they are to his liking. Yet he had to have Bathsheba and kill her husband over it. We always have to watch out for that monster inside. Thankfully one day he will be gone.
Romans 7:18-25
18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. 19 For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. 20 Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me.
21 I find then a law, that evil is present with me, the one who wills to do good. 22 For I delight in the law of God according to the inward man. 23 But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. 24 O wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? 25 I thank God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, with the mind I myself serve the law of God, but with the flesh the law of sin.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 7, 2021 22:31:15 GMT -7
Hi guys, this is such a difficult one. As a man, I can say that pretty much any woman's body can be attractive to a man. Woman are naturally beautiful to us. However, there's a couple of things that have happened to me that make me wonder how as a man we can ever approach this question with women of how they can keep their husbands interested (because I believe they can!) - When I was in my longest-term relationship ever (not that long!) I was living (in sin) with a woman. At one point she started putting on weight. Now, she knows she's putting on weight. I know she's putting on weight. Because I love her, I don't want to make her feel bad about it. But I can sense that she DOES feel bad about it. Then she says things like 'do you like my body?' What is the right answer here? I did't want to be cruel, but is it better to tell the truth? I genuinely didn't know. Think like a coward I just always said 'yes you look great!' In my heart of hearts I feel like I did not put her best interests first in not telling her the truth. - Secondly, there's a beloved Christian sister at a Church I used to go to. Her husband had left her. That is a despicable thing in my view. She is a mighty woman of God and a blessing to many people. He should never have left her and should repent. I guess she was about 55 when I met her. She has hair on her top lip, like the beginnings of a moustache. This may sound terrible, but my thought was 'I think she should get that lazered off.' Again, I love her and want the best for her. What should I say? Should I have told her what I thought about it? You see, if it was me I would TOTALLY want to be told. But, not everyone's the same. Especially I think men and women can be quite different about how direct they like communication to be. I asked another dear female sister in the Church about it, saying that maybe she could bring it up as she was a woman. She said that's really too personal to say to someone even if you're also a woman! What is the answer?
I don't think I have ever "corrected" the looks of a women, even my own wife. But I wish I could say to a sister who had a booger on her face, you got a little ...then make like a wipe genture, and look away...it's a sensative topic, because women are like princesses and try so hard to look so pretty and they are so fragile.
I'm sensative too, at work, twice, two guys told me, hey man, you got a little something on our face. They didn't make a thing of it. There has been times when I see a piece of salad or something caught in the teeth and I never say anything. I too chicken.
I don't mind so much if anyone correct me. I know the right thing to do is to tell them the truth in love and I just....have no guts, i guess, I don't have enough love yet? I don't.
personally, I don't think overweight women are bad looking, but they might think so. Oh well, I told my wife that I hope we can be romantic until we are 120 years and I mean it.
Will, what you have shared with the weight and hair on the lip...leave well enough alone. The weight issue is fraught with hurting. The way society treats being fat...never try to even suggest anything. If the person brings up their weight issue, just be supportive in any idea they have to fix it. DO NOT suggest a diet or exercise only support them if they do. The hair on the lip...she sees it every time she looks in the mirror and is embarrassed by it. I have more hair in places that guys should have than many men. For a long time I had more hair on my chest than my brother. I have tried so many different things to get rid of my extra hair...just not laser treatments because of the expense. Nothing works for me but shaving. I shave daily. Irpu, food or a booger...please politely mention it as quietly as possible. That type of thing even if embarrassing, is usually appreciated because it would be more embarrassing to the person to walk around with that visible for the rest of the day. |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 7, 2021 22:43:15 GMT -7
Thank you Amy. Your input is valuable.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 7, 2021 22:47:01 GMT -7
It really doesn't matter in my experience. Didn't matter what my weight was...people are cruel and I have always been made fun of because of the way I look. My genetics will not allow me to look like a swimsuit model. Porn makes women into objects of lust...not the beloved bride of Christ as we should be viewed as. I wonder how different relationships would be if men treated their women as precious gifts from God. I am sorry if I came across as harsh. I was hurting because of how I have been treated lately and was being hit hard by Satan with all the ugliness from others in my past. It is ok Amy. I was a little embarrassed and on hind site hypocritical and forgetting my past. I'm 13 or 14. Just discovering my sex drive. I'm introduced to porn..hard core porn also. So I am messed up right out of the box. And I'm also into drugs. Start dating my first wife. We both are lost and unsaved. I'm 18 or 19 and she is 17 almost 18. We are very sexual. Do I still have porn? Absolutely. Probably looking at it less cause I am preoccupied with real sex. We get married maybe a year or so later. During this first year of marriage God starts pursuing me from a man at my job. Eventually my wife and I both ask the Lord to save us and put our trust in Him. I throw away my things I believed was not right for me to have including my porn stash. Now my wife at this time was attractive and in shape. Yet the temptations of lust was coming upon me and the need to look at something was creeping in. I as a young Christian was surprised. I though cause I gave this stuff up it was done. Boy was I in for an awakening. Things were creeping back in in the lust and self pleasuring department. It crushed me but was to embarrassed to talk to anyone about it. During the 7 years my former wife and I were married I eventually got back into viewing porn. It started with womens magazines and store catalogs. Then we got a vcr and I eventually got into the porn videos. My former wife didn't know how addicted I was to this. We did watch a couple together(my idea) but she didn't want to after that. She eventually divorced me after having an affair with a office worker. During our marriage she never denied me sex and was actually wanting a bit more than me. But I had a secret lover on the side too...porn. My current wife of 30 years has never really denied me sex just occasionally for various reasons. Yet when we married 30 years ago in our late 20's she was very attractive and in shape...yet I stay addicted to porn. She is still attractive to me. Now she has gained weight over the years and it bothers her but I still find her attractive but she is not comfortable with it. She knows about most of my porn issues So yeah.. guilty Thank you jake for sharing. Thank you for being honest. It isn't easy to do that type of soul searching and admit to being broken. Your wife sounds like she may be in the same boat I am in. She has probably seen what you view and knows she can't compete with it. She is insecure with her looks and her body doesn't measure up to the women in porn. I really have no idea how to help you there outside of telling you to love her. To treat her as the most precious gift you have ever gotten. Pour love on her even when she lashes out. Touch her gently with love. Hold her with no thought of getting sex. Look at her with love. Gaze at her with awe in your eyes and greatfulness in your heart. Touch and caress her face with that look in your eyes. To heal her requires God's love for her coming out of you. She needs to see and feel Christ's love from you. It's a tall order but you can do this with Christ's help. |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 7, 2021 23:25:43 GMT -7
Amen Amy, thank you for showing us guys how to love their wives. It's important to hear it from a women's perspective.
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Post by Will on Mar 8, 2021 7:22:42 GMT -7
Will, what you have shared with the weight and hair on the lip...leave well enough alone. The weight issue is fraught with hurting. The way society treats being fat...never try to even suggest anything. If the person brings up their weight issue, just be supportive in any idea they have to fix it. DO NOT suggest a diet or exercise only support them if they do. Yep that's what I figured, that's why I didn't say anything. It's certainly the safest policy not to say anything. |
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javajake
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Post by javajake on Mar 15, 2021 21:24:39 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2021 23:37:13 GMT -7
the word of looking, seeing, (whatever verb) is still the same. Consider Genesis 39 where Potifar's wife "noticed" Joseph and said "Lie with me"....I can search the word "noticed" and study the original greek and get all kinds of meaning and it's just making it complicated.
Looking at porn = sexual immorality = looking with lust = wanting sexually = all the same thing .... no matter what words you try to put on it.
If anyone teaches otherwise and does not consent to wholesome words, even the words of our Lord Jesus Christ, and to the doctrine which accords with godliness, he is proud, knowing nothing, but is obsessed with disputes and arguments over words, from which come envy, strife, reviling, evil suspicions, useless wranglings of men of corrupt minds and destitute of the truth, who suppose that godliness is a means of gain. From such withdraw yourself. 1 Tim 6:3-5 NKJV
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2021 23:39:22 GMT -7
Also, look at his "about" page www.jasonstaples.com/about/ and see what kind of faith he has. Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world. 1 John 4:1 NKJV |
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Post by Deleted on Mar 15, 2021 23:44:46 GMT -7
Proverbs 6:25 (NKJV) Do not lust after her beauty in your heart, Nor let her allure you with her eyelids. Proverbs 11:6 (NKJV) The righteousness of the upright will deliver them, But the unfaithful will be caught by their lust.
Romans 1:24 (NKJV)
Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves,
Romans 6:12 (NKJV)
Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body, that you should obey it in its lusts.
Romans 13:14 (NKJV)
But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to fulfill its lusts.
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