Number 1 secret of happily married couples

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Number 1 secret of happily married couples Jul 12, 2017 15:37:59 GMT -7 via mobile

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Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2017 15:37:59 GMT -7

Butterfly... you craked me up... you are so wonderful!
All those question abou his looks... i can't believe you took the time to write them all... thank you!

I know down deep that your right... but im sure you can imagine how hearing your not attractive feels and being rejected sexully affects you when it happens on the regular. Your positive thoughts bout yourself start to diminish and you stand in front of the mirror and start to pick yourself apart. Its awful. I always though as we aged and beauty faded away that you stayed because you love tht person unconditionally. You've spent your life with them so you look passed the fluff and grey hair and saggy parts. Thats what i do for him because he doesn't look like he used to either. I would never sy something awful like that to him. I'm wise enough to know he's not gona stay a buff 20 year old and i still find im attractive and love him anyway.

He looks at women that are in their 20's. Im never gonna look like that again and he keeps a picture of me on his phone of when i was 15... Dontall 15/16 year old girls have perfect everything. Im for sure not gonna look like that again... I've had a child and 6 surgeries. Even if i lose all the weight i wont look 20 again... its so darn frustrating. I keep trying though!

I like to be a thick girl. I like that im edgy and i like edgy style. I like that im a girly girl with just enough tomboy to balance me out! I dont look my age. Most people think im 34/35. Im the prettiest without any makeup on. I wonder if hes so blind he just cant see me anymore.

I decided to get real with myself.. am i in great shape.. no! Could i use some work on myself... sure i could! So i stopped whinning about how he makes me feel and put my best foot forward. Bring it on... i like a challange! I started working out.. eating right and focusing on me! So far im doing great...

Thank you so much for reminding me to love myself and to believe im beautiful... no matter what anyone says...

I love your spunk Butterfly! Dont lose that quality.. its a good one to have...

Hugs...
Love you!

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Number 1 secret of happily married couples Jul 12, 2017 16:02:07 GMT -7 ladystrong likes this

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Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2017 16:02:07 GMT -7

She's absolutely right. And your expectation that after years of living life together, love should be deeper than pure physical attraction? That's a perfectly reasonable expectation. The problem is that PAs connect attraction with physical attractiveness only, and they feed that twisted idea of "love" with the images they look at. No, it isn't fair. It's very shallow, but continuing to look as porn stunts their emotional growth, so they can't (or have a big struggle to) connect attraction with emotional closeness or a sense of togetherness and friendship. Healthy couples always talk about how their sex life is even better than when they were first married, and I must admit, I vacillate between either not believing it, or being insanely jealous...I'm not an envious person in general, but it's difficult for me to see an emotionally close couple without feeling extremely sad. I've worked hard these last 14 years, why can't I have that kind of marriage?

As long as he's still watching porn, his concept of beauty, attraction, love, and the meaning and purpose of sex will stay twisted. But that's his sickness, not yours. Don't let Satan drag you down with him, don't stoop to his level. Read scripture to know if you are beautiful or not...ask God what he sees when he looks at you. Scripture says his pulse quickens! 😊❤️

Last Edit: Jul 12, 2017 16:03:30 GMT -7 by Deleted

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Number 1 secret of happily married couples Jul 13, 2017 5:08:03 GMT -7

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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2017 5:08:03 GMT -7

Hi, GHP!

I'm glad I cracked you up! We all need a good laugh/chuckle/smile as often as as possible, sometimes even regardless of where it's coming from, (lol!) especially these days! Thanks for the compliment, it makes me feel nice.

You are right, it is so awful to feel the sinking down from your throat to the bottom of your stomach when you feel that kind of rejection & disapproval from someone who you, yourself love so unconditionally... it's devastating. And it's unfortunately totally normal to feel that way- I have been there, trust me. It's a heartbreaking feeling.

If I can relate to fellow sufferers and maybe share a thought with you that I've had that maybe helps you see things in such a way that maybe you hadn't before and maybe it makes you feel a little better about things in some way, shape, or form - well, that's just... the best thing ever for me.

"I like to be a thick girl. I like that im edgy and i like edgy style. I like that im a girly girl with just enough tomboy to balance me out! I dont look my age. Most people think im 34/35. Im the prettiest without any makeup on."
Yes! Yes! YES! LOVE this SO much! Listen to how beautiful you are!

And you've definitely got some confidence in there, too!! YES! I'm sick of this notion that 'everyday' women should either have low self esteem or none at all. God forbid, a woman who's confident in herself actually dare to show it!!!
Whaaaaaaaaaat? A woman who knows her worth?? And it's a POSITIVE thing? Stop her at once!! Hurry! Put her in her place!! She must be just totally stuck on herself or just a sl*t !!
Pffff. Please. It's such a ridiculous and detrimental attitude to adopt.

I just want to do what I can to encourage you guys as much as you guys have encouraged me by your own posts and sharing your experiences form your own points of views. That's all I ever want - to let you guys know that I think you are all strong and an inspiration to me. I appreciate it so much.

You are beautiful!

Last Edit: Jul 13, 2017 5:27:50 GMT -7 by Deleted: spelling/grammar

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Number 1 secret of happily married couples Jul 13, 2017 5:22:11 GMT -7

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Post by Deleted on Jul 13, 2017 5:22:11 GMT -7

Jul 12, 2017 16:02:07 GMT -7 @leaningonthemaster said:

The problem is that PAs connect attraction with physical attractiveness only, and they feed that twisted idea of "love" with the images they look at. No, it isn't fair. It's very shallow, but continuing to look as porn stunts their emotional growth, so they can't (or have a big struggle to) connect attraction with emotional closeness or a sense of togetherness and friendship.

As long as he's still watching porn, his concept of beauty, attraction, love, and the meaning and purpose of sex will stay twisted. But that's his sickness, not yours. Don't let Satan drag you down with him, don't stoop to his level. Read scripture to know if you are beautiful or not...ask God what he sees when he looks at you. Scripture says his pulse quickens! 😊❤️

Thank you, LM!

Very good points, too and they are so crucial to remember! ... but so easy to forget even when your mind is trying to be rational while your heart is in so much pain from just that normal, natural human response to be rejected by someone you love.

"I've worked hard these last 14 years, why can't I have that kind of marriage?"
*hug* You totally deserve it *hug*

Last Edit: Jul 13, 2017 5:28:54 GMT -7 by Deleted: spelling/grammar