Today I cracked

Oh no .. im so sorry! listen to what he has to say if he will open up and tell you. Maybe take a little time with God to help you to get your thoughts together.
Im so so sorry you are faced with this right now.. we are here for you.
The workbooks are very good. Hopefully your Husband will follow threw with them.
Sending Hugs and prayers!

Thank you. I am so nervous. I can't believe this is happening. I have been so naive. I never thought my husband would ever do such things. It took every thing in me not to break down in tears.

He claims we were going through a lot and he needed some one to talk to. He said they would talk in groups at work. Then she started talking to him about her problems. They begin swaping stories and it grew. He begin to open himself up emotionally. It's the typical story I guess. He begin looking to see her at work and became attached, started falling for her I guess. She knew he was married with children. She is a single mother.
She is almost 10 years older ( I guess that does not matter). He said that he cut it off before it became physical because he knew it would go there in time if he didn't. I don't think it was so much that though. He changed jobs recently ( I think that is what ended it, not choice). He said they begin to talk every day at work but they only spent time together at work. I'm not sure if there is more to come but I feel horrible.

Jay, is your husband in counseling? Kind of sounds like he needs someone to talk to one on one. Maybe suggest it if he isn't going to individual counseling. Also a male accountability partner would probably help him.

I am glad he cut it off. Now you need to look at the boundaries you have in place and maybe add to them or tweak them. He broke your trust. Also keep in mind that he did confess it to you.

My prayers are with you.

Also, I would like some input on my list of boundaries. I'm trying this process but at this point my heart is not in it. I'm trying to please God but I really just want to leave at this point.

No internet in the home, except my cell phone

He is not to have a smart phone or phone with internet

We are to meet once per week for checkups

No electronics in our room at night

talking with his dad once per week for accountability

What am I not thinking of or missing?

Hi Jay,

I have to pray every day that God will help me show my H respect, because I can't muster up enough positive feelings to do it on my own. I still struggle every day, but it gets a little easier over time. I have also been reading as many books as I can on P & S addiction, and they all have great information for me to soak up.

My father was also a P addict, I knew this around age 8. He never recovered from it, and growing up, I saw how it devastated my mother. I never really had a relationship with him because he was never emotionally available for me or my siblings. I saw him more as a boss than a father. When I was about 14, I started questioning why she stayed. I think she was afraid of being alone, and that is why she never left. He died few years ago, and my mother has sworn off men because of her experience with him. I think when I met my H, I saw a man that could be everything I needed to fulfill me, and that made me very codependent on him to meet my needs. I now realize that was very wrong of me to put that much faith into a man.

Now I am trying to seek out God when I feel empty and down instead of my H. We are trying to work through his P addiction, and I finally had the strength to give him an ultimatum this week, either me or P, he cannot have both. So far, I feel like he is dragging his feet. He is a very busy person most of the time, so I will give him a little more time, and keep praying.

I cannot imagine how hard it is for you with little ones. My children are later teens, and I get great comfort and joy from them everyday. I try not to break down in front of them, but they do see me cry sometimes, which is ok, they need to know that I am human and have emotions. I have to be careful not to lean on them to much. I do not want them to feel like they have to carry my burdens or my pain for me. I am also determined to do everything in my power to BREAK THE CYCLE. A few months ago, I talked to my kids about the dangers of P, and I told them their grandfather had issues with it most of his life that ruined their marriage.

I will pray for you and your family. God bless you for hanging in there!