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Post by ladystrong on Feb 1, 2017 10:09:04 GMT -7
This is definitely a daily struggle, but I am constantly submitting every thought to the Lord that relates to her. I don't want to dwell on the past because I don't live there. I just want to be able to let it go and let God take care of her. I want peace. Keep praying for me friends.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 1, 2017 11:43:55 GMT -7
I feel your pain and frustration lady. Forgiveness was harder for me to learn and do then overcoming my porn addiction.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2017 11:24:36 GMT -7
Hey lady just checking in on you hon. How are things going for you? How is your family doing?
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Post by ladystrong on Feb 9, 2017 16:59:29 GMT -7
In terms of forgiveness, it's a back and forth battle. I keep picking up the baggage when I remember specific details about my interactions with her. These were pretty insignificant interactions at the time but for some reason they stayed in my memory bank. Sometimes random things will trigger a flood of tears and anger because they represent time that he spent talking with her instead of me, which means that he formed a relationship with her. Not that it's even close to what we have together, but it was enough to wreak havoc in our relationship. It's easier for me to forgive my husband, maybe because I love him and know that he has a good heart. Plus I can see that he is repentant by his actions and his behavior toward me. Her reaction, on the other hand was to blame everything else: alcohol, mess, etc. classic manipulation. I guess I'm irritated with that and the fact that she says she's a Christian now. I guess I should be rejoicing, but it's hard to rejoice when you've just found out that the person you talked with and looked at in the eye slept with your husband. And even harder when I was standing right next to both offending parties and talking with them when they were both hiding their sin. It's sickening. So, I'm still working on giving it up to the Lord constantly. It's exhausting!
I have prayed for her once. I wrote another letter and burned it. I've been finding things that are connected to her and throwing them away just so that I feel like there's a physical severing of the connection with her. My greatest temptation is to find out info on her or stir up trouble by telling people she worked with about how untrustworthy she is. Or, giving a letter to her daughter in law to send to her (DIL lives two streets down from us). It's an obsession that I'm working through and giving up to the Lord daily.
I started watching that YouTube video of Patrick Doyle that I think you posted. Still need to watch it all.
I guess overall there's progress in the pain.
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Post by ladystrong on Feb 9, 2017 17:44:07 GMT -7
More info is in the Prayer section under Engagement Anniversary.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2017 17:56:48 GMT -7
Yes the struggle and pain are part of your working through your forgiving her. It is progress although it hurts like no other.
You are doing better than I did when dealing with trying to forgive my ex. I gave in to the temptations to hack his accounts to find out more info. I still feel rotten about doing it. It did lead me to get tested for STDs because of what I found out. So God used my weakness for good. But it added more stress and I think the added stress made me more ill physically.
If burning the letters is helping, then write more. And definitely throw out anything in the house that reminds you or your husband of her.
Hugs and prayers
Amy
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Post by ladystrong on Feb 9, 2017 21:24:23 GMT -7
Well, I can't say I'm doing much better than you in regards to looking in to info. I've tried to find out who owned the phone number she used to call me, tried to figure out who lives at the place that I dropped off stuff for her (she said She lived at her MIL, but was getting a divorce from her husband at the time-is that normal?), I've driven by the place that the affair happened, ive done research on the house and I guess it got foreclosed on (maybe she was in financial trouble?) I've gone to the place that the initial conversations took place (at the chiropractor's office, she was the secretary) because my husband still needed to get adjusted- I put a stop to that and told him he needs to find a new chiro since I hate that first place now. I almost tried to recover his text messages to and from her by installing software on my computer. I've even tried to find her address in the town she moved to. But, it does nothing for my faith. God protected me and our kids when my husband was not protecting us, even when the wolf in sheep's clothing was right next to me, giving me hugs, talking to me, giving my kids gifts. Pretty sick and manipulative, all as a way to earn my forgiveness. Thank God He had not left me alone with her!
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Post by ladystrong on Feb 9, 2017 21:38:02 GMT -7
One thing I think about is that we're having a hard time AND he has repented. I know that so many people on here would love to be able to say that of their husband. He has been extremely patient thru all of my rants and raves. I am grateful but there's just so much pain to process thru, so many disappointments, so many memories that were tossed to the side like trash. I was trash to him leading up to and at the first act with this woman. He traded in a pure person for a whore. It hurts 🙁
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2017 21:43:19 GMT -7
Lady you are a breath of fresh honesty! I love you for that sister. Do you see how doing all that investigating has added stress to your life? I think had I known that my investigating would add stress to my life I still would have done it. The need to know the truth was so strong. I still go back and forth on whether or not I needed to repent for hacking his accounts... I did repent but yeah does the good outweigh the bad? Ugh lol guess I need to repent again for thinking my wrong was better then his. It sure isn't easy being a Christ follower.
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Post by ladystrong on Feb 10, 2017 0:30:47 GMT -7
Amen, it isn't easy! I want justice...but that needs to be left to God. I watched that Patrick Doyle video on forgiveness- it was so helpful. Thanks for posting that  |
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Post by ladystrong on Feb 17, 2017 20:07:38 GMT -7
I feel like I'm making progress in letting her go to God. It comes in knowing that I don't want her or the enemy to have power over me. I want to be freed of thinking about her. I know this will take time as there are multiple triggers. Tonight was especially tough because I remembered that she gave me a gift certificate to a Mexican restaurant in the area, after the affair and way before the disclosure. It made me upset that my husband did not take action by at least being a protector and saying that I should not talk with her at all or taking that certificate and tossing it in the trash. But then, how could he? He was not spiritually healthy at all for the last three years, during which time it happened.
Intertwined is my forgiveness of his actions. I was clearly void of his thoughts long before this occurred. My heart still hurts greatly that I was not important to him at the time. I was just the woman who took care of the house and took care of our children at that time. It hurts to know this, even though he has changed over these past two months. It just doesn't compare to the last three years that I've been hurt continuously.
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Post by ladystrong on Feb 17, 2017 21:37:04 GMT -7
A few things I've decided to stop doing so that the enemy has no power over me and so that I can let God have full control:
-stopped passing by the house after my therapy sessions; it was like self-torture trying to somehow make amends with my feelings by facing the place of hurt
-stopped looking up info of any kind related to her
-still working in not looking in to every person's car to see if she's driving as cars pass by our home. Her DIL lives nearby but she has moved to a different part of the state
Things that I'm actively doing to heal:
-take up the tent peg to make the devil flee when he tries to bring up the video tapes in my head or discourage me
-not let her have free rent space in my head by ruminating over the affair
-acknowledge the feelings I have, whether they are anger or pain, express it to God or my husband, and move on
-keep remembering that I want to be healed and to do that I need to forgive her, which means letting God do His justice.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 17, 2017 23:04:59 GMT -7
Good for you lady.. what an amazing step!
You go girl!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 18, 2017 7:58:21 GMT -7
Hugs Lady. I am over-awed by your strength to continue the fight and move forward. Forgiveness is not easy and learning how to walk that path with our Lord is difficult to say the least. I am proud of you!
It took me years to forgive my father for what he did to me. So keep working at it. I promise it does get easier.
Love you sister!
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Post by ladystrong on Feb 18, 2017 14:16:06 GMT -7
Thanks friends. I certainly feel like David in that I am mostly crying out in pain at the beginning of a situation and then finally find rest and peace in the Lord. Wanted to share how God confirmed my need to let go of control of my life and situations. Early this morning I had a dream that I was watching a video of some classmates and my cousin parachuting for fun. It was scary yet awesome and inspiring. I woke up later and was hit with fear so I kept repeating Ephesians 6:10. When I finally got to my devotional, the topic was parachuting! On top of that, the passage was Ephesians 6:10-18! Wow, God KNOWS me and everything I need! May you see His love today just as I did |
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