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Post by Deleted on Jun 30, 2018 18:59:39 GMT -7
Praise God that things are going well for you and your family! I am so grateful to our Lord for working in your husband and in you.
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Post by ladystrong on Jul 27, 2018 5:35:33 GMT -7
How I wish recovery was a clean and neat linear process. It’s not . It’s super messy, with tears and mucus and convulsive crying out to God. Sometimes I wish that I could speed things up and heal quicker, but I can’t. Although I’ve gained ground, I still have issues come up (that were dormant for a time) because I get triggered. Then I get confused and upset and fearful and angry at my husband. I’m so fragile. I guess I was like looking for perfect love from a man, hoping I’d find it in my husband. I was hoping he’d be the one to protect me and show me that he wouldn’t hurt me. But the only one who I know can love me perfectly and that I totally trust right now is Jesus. It’s hard to not totally trust my husband like I used to. It’s hard to rebuild that trust between us when images of the past come up. I am working through all the same insecurities and I still cry out to God. This is a low time in my journey but I’m going to keep clinging to my Creator.
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Post by ladystrong on Jul 30, 2018 7:54:56 GMT -7
I feel a lot better now that the PMS and period has passed.. Those days are the most difficult. I was doing pretty well for about six months when this craziness popped up this month over Instagram stuff and I went crazy on my husband for a couple of days. I calmed down and apologized for my wonky behavior and we worked it out after all Also got to hang out with the women in our church on Friday night. It was a blessing to have time away from taking care of the kids. It’s so good to just talk with people and eat without interruptions! Yesterday we had a fun hour at the pool. The kids finally know how to swim and we were all able to play together on the deep end. I never thought that day would come. I felt really happy to be there in the water laughing with the children. Sometimes it’s hard for me to accept how much better we are all doing. I’ve never felt as stable as I do now. Never felt this stable even with my own family while growing up. I always wanted a family that could laugh together and play together. Always hoped that I’d have a husband who would engage with the kids. We’re not a perfect family but we’re doing a whole lot better than we ever did before. Thank You, Lord!
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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2018 8:24:31 GMT -7
Those darn hormones wreak havoc with me too. I am glad you and your hubby got things sorted out. Hugs sweetie.
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Post by Will on Aug 6, 2018 23:17:19 GMT -7
Hey Ladystrong! Sounds like you are in a pretty good place! Yep I reckon the Lord Jesus is the only one we can trust completely. Thank God for sending Him to us! Guess you must have heard of that triangle thing, where the closer we get to God, the closer we get to husband/wife. We won't get perfection this side of eternity, but your progress is an inspiration! God bless you!
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Post by ladystrong on Aug 21, 2018 16:22:39 GMT -7
Been awhile since I last posted. All three of my boys are finally in the local elementary school, which means that this mama gets a break! Life feels different in s good way. I can rest and clean and think without being disturbed! It is a welcome change I still struggle and stumble on my journey out of the valley but I keep coming back to the truths that I know. And when my eyes, my ears, and my heart are turned back to God and all HE can do, I find peace again. Something that became clear to me: to become like Jesus is to FEEL PAIN and then CHOOSE to FORGIVE. It truly takes the Holy Spirit and His sanctification to get “there”. Although I have forgiven, I still feel pain and that’s ok. It keeps me humble and keeps my heart in check. I would not have made the huge changes that I did in myself and our marriage unless I felt that indescribable pain. I often wonder when I will be healed, as there is no clear cut timeline. I know that I am healing, that we are healing. It’s just going to take time. On another note, I am finally starting to do art again! I will be team teaching with an English teacher for middle schoolers. I’m looking forward to it and am hoping that next year I’ll be teaching art half time. Right now, it’s just a pilot program for the county I’m in so they didn’t really plan very well for what the program would look like. I’m taking homeschooling curriculum and using it in the classroom. That’s my life for now! I pray that you all are doing well
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Post by Deleted on Aug 21, 2018 18:51:59 GMT -7
It sounds like many things are changing for the better! God is awesome like that!
You will have to post some of the projects you are doing with the kids. I would love to them! Love crafts and art. I am not gifted in the drawing and painting area but I enjoy looking at what others create.
Forgiveness is a journey to be sure. Sometimes I feel like I have gone back to the starting point in my own forgiveness journey. Then I have a breakthrough from God and I leap so far ahead I can't even see the start. Reminds me of a yo-yo or boomerang.
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Post by ladystrong on Aug 30, 2018 8:50:53 GMT -7
I started reading “Victory in Spiritual Warfare” and I feel like it’s the next step I needed to get through this battle in my mind and the past. I know Satan just wants to keep me in this stronghold of the past with bad memories so that I’m blinded to what God has for me that is abundant and life-giving. I keep falling into the “PMS pattern” and I really want to get out. It’s gotten better but I know that’s when Satan attacks hardest. I’m hoping this book will help me continue to build up my spiritual strength.
I also started my art credential program this week! Seems like it’s going to be a fun, relaxing, and thought provoking class. We meet online every week over Zoom. It’s neat to see other artists and teachers come together to collaborate and share their thoughts and struggles with teaching kids.
Things are going well for our family. We started soccer and I’m coaching with my husband and another coach for U10 boys. It’s a lot of fun being with these kids and running hard with them. My two younger ones are on the same U8 team and are enjoying it even though they’ve lost the first two games.
I’ve looked back at where we were a year ago and I’m so glad we aren’t there anymore! The bulk of our evenings were us talking/arguing about the details of the A. Or, reading through a lot of material together and working on worksheets to figure out what happened and how to prevent it from happening again. Or, reading through marriage building stuff and working on questions together. Now, we are more at peace and more settled. It took a lot of work to get here and I’m glad we went through all that junk to be where we are now.
I guess I’m writing this because I really don’t get to share about how much our marriage has grown since his confession. Not many people know where I’m coming from because I just don’t trust that they will be supportive in the right way. Anyway, thanks for listening everyone ❤️
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Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2018 9:56:09 GMT -7
I am so happy for you! Be sure to be spending time together praying. Nothing is stronger than a husband and wife praying together for their relationship and their children.
I love you sister!
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Post by ladystrong on Aug 30, 2018 13:09:49 GMT -7
Thanks, love you too! And Amen to the praying together
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Post by ladystrong on Sept 5, 2018 6:49:15 GMT -7
Need to get this off my chest and this is one of the only places I can write it out.
My brother visited yesterday! I haven’t seen him in years since he lives in Hawai’i. While I was excited to see him, he also brought his girlfriend, who is, by the way, at least 10 years older than him. Although I knew about the age difference, it was still shocking to see him with a 50+ year old woman since he is only 38. In Hawaii we call everyone “auntie” even if you’re not related so that’s what I chose to call her.
The visit went well but I noticed that she was kind of “out of it”, like slurring her speech and having us repeat what we say. Not to mention the vacant stare sometimes. My brother was attentive and engaged in our conversations. I did my best to make them feel welcome, pushing the age gap to the back of my mind. I was glad the kids did not catch how old “auntie” or that she was my brother’s girlfriend. I’m not sure what I would have said to smooth things over!
After they left and the kids went to bed, my husband said that she was probably high on pot and that “the farm” they were thinking of buying was to grow marijuana! I was so naive! Growing MJ is legal here, which is fine to me. It’s not a huge deal to me anymore but I was so naive in not picking up that she was “off” because of being high on pot!
Anyway, the age gap has been a trigger to me because that’s around the same aged woman with which my husband chose to commit adultery. It’s like a smack in the face from the enemy to see an older woman with a much younger man. Seeing her face and knowing that he chose someone much older makes me feel sick. And now I know he had to be desperate, insane, and totally away from the safety of the Father to choose to do this irrational and sick thing.
I know he has learned his lesson the hard way. I know he gets it. It’s the aftermath of trauma and fighting through the bad thoughts that is difficult. I don’t want him to feel bad. But seeing an example of an older woman with a younger man triggers me back to the horrible choice he made. It’s just insane!
So, I’m fighting this battle in my head remembering that I don’t fight flesh and blood and that we can either be tools for the enemy or instruments of good for the Lord. I know the enemy wants me to dwell on the shock of it all and stay sick to my stomach. I have to keep choosing to walk with Jesus and ask that He’d help me to focus on the eternal rather than the temporary. It’s such a struggle to stay with Him when I see so many bad things around me. Scripture definitely keeps me on the path. Remembering how far my husband and I have come helps me, too.
That’s all I wanted to say. I hope I’m buildn up stronger armor through all of this craziness!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2018 14:16:24 GMT -7
You are being refined by our Father. You are mighty woman of God. You are His daughter. You are a princess of the Most High King.
Hugs sweetheart!
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Post by ladystrong on Sept 5, 2018 16:09:43 GMT -7
Thanks Amy. Need to rest in His secure love while the rest of the world just looks scary!
I’m not against my brother dating a much older woman. I just felt like she was off and I don’t want him to suddenly get married to her because it would be his third marriage. I don’t know, it just seems weird to me that she could be like a real aunt to me with her age and all.
Anyway, Jesus is teaching me to love people even if they seem off 😆 And to accept them where ever they are at but, to not be naive and trust them. They’re wanting to watch our kids and I’m thinking, “Heck no!” at least not for long periods of time. Besides, I’m just getting to know my brother again so that takes time.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 5, 2018 19:21:03 GMT -7
Hon, she is off. She is self medicating with MJ. The bible is clear on this issue.
1 Peter 1 13 Therefore, with minds that are alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming.
1 Peter 4 7 The end of all things is near. Therefore be alert and of sober mind so that you may pray.
1 Peter 5 8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
You need to be praying for her. That God reveals himself to her in a real way and frees her of the need to self medicate with MJ.
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Post by Will on Sept 9, 2018 14:18:02 GMT -7
Hey Ladystrong, sounds like the enemy is attacking because you are doing so well in your walk. This may be his way of throwing something in your face to tempt and provoke you, because you have righteously closed down other of his options and have been forgiving and moving past things. He only uses desperate tactics like that on me when I am close to a blessed breakthrough and he really doesn't want it to happen. Hang on! Keep walking it out with Jesus step by step. This bubble will burst soon : )
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