KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,741
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 3, 2021 12:05:56 GMT -7
Yep.
First of all, if you're attracted to her, she knows. You don't have to say a word. She knows that you're into her.
And she's made it obvious to you that she's also attracted to you.
So by turning her down, she's going to be upset. That's a given.
And if you really don't want to marry her,then I think it would be a bad idea to be close friends with her. You can still be nice to her, but you don't want to give her any mixed messages.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 3, 2021 19:06:19 GMT -7
Thanks Irpu. Actually there was a bit of weirdness with this woman that is unfortunate. It seems that maybe I have non-verbally communicated my interest in her to her. Now frankly I don't think this is the woman that God has for me, having prayed about it. But I'm attracted to her and I think she is aware of that and now might be upset because I don't want to marry her . Wow it's a minefield!!! Hi will, be attracted to her heart if that is God's choice for you, not her looks, looks will change and just deceiving. I wish we guys would look at the heart and know her godliness and not be attracted so much to her outward appearance. It's our flesh and eyes and men issues, we struggle with. Dear Lord, please help my brother to find a godly women who loves you first and please let her love my brother too in a godly way. In Jesus' name. Amen.
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Post by Will on Mar 4, 2021 2:36:30 GMT -7
Hey guys,
thanks both. Kevin, wow I think you have completely nailed it. This is good horse sense. It is so clear when you put it like that. Of COURSE she knows and now is upset!!! That definitely explains it. And you're right, I was like 'come on why can't we be good friends anyway?' But now I get it of course she doesn't want that.
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javajake
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Posts: 382
Occupation: retired
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Post by javajake on Mar 6, 2021 11:00:15 GMT -7
Yep, Kevin hit it right on the head! It's a strange dance but it is what it is. I think we all been through that at one time or another.
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Post by Will on Mar 6, 2021 14:53:23 GMT -7
Hey guys,
just checking in. Had a more challenging Saturday yesterday than normal - think was more exhausted that I have been for a few weeks. Ended up watching a Norwegian documentary series on Bitchute called Hjernevasket ("Brainwashed"). It was kind of interesting but in the end pretty worldly. It's a violation of my 'no audiovisual entertainment' rule, so not the best decision to make. On the plus side it didn't lead to any acting out so that's a blessing.
Realised on the woman thing that she never really gave me signals that she was attracted to me, remembering the test that someone once said 'if she's into you, you will know it. If you're not sure she's into you, she's not'. So that complicates it a bit. So I have not exactly turned her down. But anyway she's put a break on our friendship so that's the end of that.
I am pretty lonely. Am struggling with my flesh in that I would love to get married and have children, but the Lord Jesus has more work to do in me I believe before I would be ready for that.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2021 16:52:35 GMT -7
Dear Jesus, please let brother Will meet a Christian women. Please let him be empowered with the Holy Spirit in Jesus' name. Please help us brothers who are married to be patient on our wives' timing and not run into sin but run to You Heavenly Father. Please heal our sick minds. In Jesus' name. Amen.
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Post by Will on Mar 7, 2021 2:41:45 GMT -7
Thanks Irpu!!
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,741
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 7, 2021 8:07:20 GMT -7
Realised on the woman thing that she never really gave me signals that she was attracted to me, remembering the test that someone once said 'if she's into you, you will know it. If you're not sure she's into you, she's not'. So that complicates it a bit. So I have not exactly turned her down. But anyway she's put a break on our friendship so that's the end of that. I can only speak for myself. But looking back, there have been numerous times when a woman has been attracted to me and I've been completely unaware. Sometimes, my wife has pointed it out to me or I've been able to figure it out afterwards.
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javajake
Silver Member
Posts: 382
Occupation: retired
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Post by javajake on Mar 7, 2021 8:43:45 GMT -7
Same Kevin. When I was working I had several incidents of finding out other women had their eye on me but I had no clue. My wife of 30 years now was attracted to me when I was married. She knew I was married and let it go. I barely remember being around her and wouldn't in a million years think she was. So Will our experience says different. It's a strange dance. Our Lord says it is better to marry than to burn. His only requirement is to marry those in the Lord. Pray Will. God loves you and knows your needs.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 7, 2021 23:35:48 GMT -7
Hey guys, just checking in. Had a more challenging Saturday yesterday than normal - think was more exhausted that I have been for a few weeks. Ended up watching a Norwegian documentary series on Bitchute called Hjernevasket ("Brainwashed"). It was kind of interesting but in the end pretty worldly. It's a violation of my 'no audiovisual entertainment' rule, so not the best decision to make. On the plus side it didn't lead to any acting out so that's a blessing. Realised on the woman thing that she never really gave me signals that she was attracted to me, remembering the test that someone once said 'if she's into you, you will know it. If you're not sure she's into you, she's not'. So that complicates it a bit. So I have not exactly turned her down. But anyway she's put a break on our friendship so that's the end of that. I am pretty lonely. Am struggling with my flesh in that I would love to get married and have children, but the Lord Jesus has more work to do in me I believe before I would be ready for that. Women are funny. Our signals are not very often overt. Men are pretty dense for the most part. Unless it hits you upside the head hard, you don't get it. If she is Christian, pray about it. The Lord will tell you whether or not to persue her. The Lord puts broken people together to use them to heal their brokenness. I am finding that out with Don. It has been challenging and rewarding and painful and humbling and glorious. Yes an active sin like porn can be a huge stumbling block and the Lord may tell you to wait while He brings you through it into fredom. However if she is the one the Lord has for you, she will be there when He gives you the ok to marry.
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Post by Will on Mar 8, 2021 6:34:28 GMT -7
Women are funny. Our signals are not very often overt. Men are pretty dense for the most part. Unless it hits you upside the head hard, you don't get it.
So true!!!
This is a constant battle for us, as there is such a massive amount of uncertainty.
On the plus side, God has been dealing with me wonderfully on the issue of rejection. Have now finished 'God's Remedy for Rejection' by Derek Prince and the Lord has really used it to show me some painful but fruitful areas I need to grow into:
One of the things that had bothered me (and made me think this woman had taken offence at something I'd said or done) was that she purposefully made a point of saying she did not want to give me her phone number (at a point when we were all more or less swapping numbers just for practical purposes). She then send a long email explaining that about how she wanted only to have spiritual interactions not fleshly ones.- As if me having her number would be a purely 'fleshly' thing.
Meanwhile, another Christian mentor was talking about the importance of unforgiveness and making sure we forgive, if we want to be healed. I asked her after her witness: 'how do you know where the unforgiveness is?' And she said 'wherever it hurts, that's where the unforgiveness is'.
I realised that it really hurt being singled out to be refused this woman's number. It really bothered me, not even in a sexual way at all, but just in a rejection way.
Reading Derek Prince's book, I realised I had a spirit of rejection: that's why it hurt. And DP says that after identifying this spirit, you need to renounce and repent of the resentment you feel about the rejection and make a point to forgive those who have rejected us. In fact, even continue to pray for and love them. That way like Jesus we pass from 'filio' love (loving those who love us back) to 'agape' love (to love as God loves: loving those who are unloving and unloveable, by the power of Christ's love for us and His shed blood for us).
I had to repent of this rejection and unforgivenss I felt, not only to this woman but apparently to other women who have rejected me in the past and maybe even to womankind in general! And to forgive them and love them anyway even if they hurt me.
This woman has invited a bunch of us to her house on Saturday night for more Christian fellowship (think she made sure to invite me so as to try to make up for the hurtful refusal to share her number!) So instead of staying away in order to avoid being further hurt and rejected, the Lord has told me to go to the meeting BECAUSE I might be hurt, rejected and humiliated, so I can overcome this resentment/ hurt with Christ's love and practice agape love! Really don't want to go but I belong to Jesus so He's the boss!!
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Post by Will on Mar 8, 2021 6:42:11 GMT -7
P.S. sorry didn't see you guys' comments about women being into you and you not knowing. Yeah interesting. However I think maybe it's different when you're already married or in a relationship. Then I think you don't notice so much. But maybe when you're single it's harder to not know. I remember that women will stand right in front of you and give you the eye or laugh in an OTT way at everything you say. Of course they can't do this when you have a wife/girlfriend on the prowl!
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,741
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 8, 2021 6:55:32 GMT -7
Here's an additional thought.
Maybe she's not rejecting you. But rather distancing herself from you because you first rejected her.
She knows that you don't want to be anything more than just friends with her and maybe that hurts. Maybe she's choosing to not give out a phone number or email to protect her herself from her feelings of you, not the other way around.
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Post by Will on Mar 8, 2021 6:59:05 GMT -7
Hey Kevin, yes I think that could well be right. That's actually most probable at this point. Otherwise it's hard to explain the email. It's either that or she thinks I'm into her still. But yeah there's an element that she might have been being intentionally hurtful because of feeling hurt by the rejection. Boy Saturday is going to be tough!!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2021 19:21:22 GMT -7
Something I find interesting is what she said...she only wants spiritual relationships. That tells me she is maybe feeling some physical towards you or she is getting those vibes from you.
How well do you know her? There could be past hurts she is dealing with just as you are dealing with. Again pray and let the Lord guide you. You may have to not only overcome your past hurts but hers as well. Keep things focused on the Lord when you interact with her.
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